92. You’ve Come So Far
So many of us focus on where we’re trying to get to and everything we haven’t achieved yet.
I get it.
I’ve got big goals and I want to keep working at them, and I’m sure you do too.
But it’s so important to take a moment to notice what is working and celebrate what you have achieved.
This applies not just to your progress, but also to your effort. Sometimes we try something new and it … doesn’t work the way we thought it would.
But even failed attempts are moving us forward.
And even though you may not have done the thing perfectly, you still did something. And that’s worth celebrating.
So this week, we’re talking about how far you have come.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t have new goals and be pushing yourself if that’s what you want to do.
But I’ve noticed that for myself and my clients, we can get so focused on where we’re going that we forget to enjoy how far we’ve come.
Tune in this week for some well-deserved celebration of how far you’ve come as well as a discussion about how to decide what you want to do next from a place of celebration, achievement, appreciation, and satisfaction.
If you want to supercharge your capacity to create a life that blows your mind, I have some one-on-one coaching slots opening up soon. Send me an email and let's talk about it or click here to schedule a call with me and we’ll see if we’re a good fit to start working together!
If there are topics y’all want me to talk about on the podcast, feel free to write in and let me know by clicking here! I’d love to hear from you!
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WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
How our brains always want to move on to the next thing and focus on the work we still have to do.
Why our brain is always moving the goalposts and prefers to acknowledge what’s not working instead of what is.
What your brain’s hedonistic adaptation is and how to see where it’s showing up for you.
How to see the things that are a part of your current life that you used to dream of.
What you can do to see how far you’ve come, celebrate the experience, and discern what you to want to do next.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about how far you’ve come.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all. Happy Wednesday. Right as I was setting up to record this, Alex called me. And I had just been downstairs helping her with some IKEA furniture that she's putting together for the apartment she renovated, which we're going to be renting out pretty soon.
And I thought I had solved a major problem she was dealing with because I was like, “Oh, this doesn't look like the picture, I think we're trying to put it upside down.” So we turned it around the other way and put it on and we thought it worked. And then I came up here to record a podcast. And she went there to like finish doing the rest of it.
And she just called me and was like, “Yeah, we put that on wrong.” So I haven't gotten down to investigate how exactly we put it on wrong, but it sounds like we thought we were moving forward and we actually moved backward. We are forward, but just not in the direction we want to go, which I guess is still technically backward.
And that happens sometimes, like whether you're putting together IKEA furniture, I know that's actually happened to be putting together other IKEA furniture stuff where I thought I was doing it right, did it wrong, had to undo it, and then still had to put it together. And it happens in our lives and careers too, at work and relationships, all the things.
And listen, it's not my favorite thing ever. I would be much more excited if we had just done it the right way. And I was like, yeah, I was so helpful. You know, I'd prefer that too. But when you do a lot of shit in life, a lot of times that's not how it is.
A lot of times you do fuck things up before you figure them out. And it takes a couple of steps in a couple of different directions before you figure out which direction is the actual direction that's going to take you where you want to go.
So just wanted to tell you all about that. I think it's a great metaphor for so much of the stuff we talk about on here. But it's not actually what we're talking about today. What we're talking about today is how far you've already come.
I think so many people, and by so many people I mean a lot of my clients, I also mean me. So many of us, we focus on where we're still trying to get to or like what we haven't done yet, or what we haven't achieved, et cetera. And, listen, I've got big fucking goals. So I get it and I want to keep working on those goals and I want to keep going and get to where I want to go.
But as I tell you all sometimes, I would say all the time, but I think we haven't talked about it recently, it's so important to notice what is working. It's so important to celebrate what you have done and achieved. It's so important to celebrate not just your progress, but also your effort because sometimes we try shit and it actually takes us further away from the goal, right?
Actually, so it is related to that IKEA furniture that Alex and I were putting together. Like I've now taken her, I thought I was helping and I've taken her further away from the goal because now the part is on wrong, which means we have to get that back off. And it involved some effort to get it on, like slotted in. So it's probably going to involve a lot of effort to get it off.
But I still want to celebrate the effort even though I “did it wrong.” Because if I don't celebrate when I do it wrong, then I don't want to try shit. That's what I know from my experience and that's what I've seen from a lot of my clients. So part of why I want to talk about this is because this is something I have to come back to all the time in my own personal journey with my business growth and my personal growth and like all kinds of stuff.
My brain, like many brains, and like I talk about all the time on the podcast, always wants to move on to the next thing. It always wants to think about what we're still trying to get to, it always wants to focus on what's not comfortable, what's not working, how things aren't the way we thought they would be.
And this kind of blends together a few different things, right? So one thing is that the brain loves to do that thing where it's always changing the goalpost, right? So like when I first started my business I really wanted to make six figures, I've talked about this before. And then eventually I did make six figures and then my brain was like, cool now let's make multiple six figures, let's make six figures faster, what else can we do?
And that's great and good and fun, and now I do have a multiple six figure business and that's like super delightful. I really enjoy it. And also, it is so important periodically, and I would say regularly, to also look at how far I've come because it's so easy for me to just think about like my business making multiple six figures as the new normal. And it is the new normal in that it's what's happening, right?
But the brain has this thing called hedonistic adaptation, which is the idea that when it gets more pleasures and delights and good, yummy things, it will get used to them. And then it won't think they're like special or interesting anymore, right? It just is like, oh, yeah, this is just like the way it should be.
Now, here's the thing about that, that's not bad. I think so many of us when we notice that about our brains, then we're like, oh, I'm ungrateful. And then we’re like, I should feel guilty. That's not what we're getting at here. This is just a built in feature of your brain, it's not a personal moral failing. But when you notice that your brain has that habit, you're like, wow, no wonder I feel dissatisfied at every level.
And no wonder, like I got all the shit that I thought would be satisfying and no wonder I'm not satisfied because my brain has this thing where it's always going to look to what's not working, instead of spending a lot of time thinking about how far I've come and what is working and what I'm doing really well and what I've achieved and accomplished. And how I'm working to achieve and accomplish whatever the other goals are.
So with this teaching, I'm not saying don't have new goals and don't have new things you work on and don't push yourself and strive, if you want to for fun. We do not fucking strive for worthiness around here. So if you're doing that, fucking cut that shit out. But if you want to strive and have goals and like do big cool shit because it's super fun, and delightful, and yummy, and interesting, I'm all in with you.
But what I've noticed in my own journey is that if I get to focused on where I'm going, like knowing where you're going is great, right? It's hard to drive somewhere, if you don't know where it is you want to go. But if all I'm focused on is where I want to go and I'm not enjoying the journey, that's not a great experience either and that's not what I want to do.
So something that I've done, again, over the course of my business, but I think especially this past year, is really think about how far I've come and really look around my life and look at all these things that I used to dream about having, being, doing, et cetera, that are now my everyday reality. And I want to notice that my brain and its hedonistic adaptation is going to try to tell me that these things aren't special.
And I want to sort of undermine that hedonistic adaptation. That's just, again, it's like part of what the brain does. But I just want to build simultaneously next to that the celebration and the noticing of how far I've come and the noticing of how the things I used to dream of are now my life.
So this past year I've really been doing two things. And one of the things I've been doing is really noticing how far I've come and how my life is what I used to dream of. And the other thing, which isn't technically the subject of this podcast, but I think is also really important to talk about, is figuring out where I still wanted somewhere else to go or, you know, where my goal turns out to not suit what I actually want, right?
So this is sort of like a gratitude practice, but it's not a gratitude practice. It's not about looking around your life and looking at what you can be grateful for. It's about looking around your life and looking at how far you've come in various different areas. And looking around your life and seeing what that’s in your current life is something you used to dream of.
And even if you may not want that thing anymore, right? So you may have created something in your life and then been like, you know what? This is not the thing. But that's still evidence of you coming so far, to have a goal and a vision and then to go on to create that. It doesn't mean you have to have, or do, or be it forever. But I think it's so powerful to look at how far you went or how far you’ve came to create the things that you were hoping to have.
And with all the socialization that we have, as women, as people with marginalized identities, sometimes we are going to have created things and come so far in areas or directions or ways that we're not excited about. We're like, oh, fuck, I have to unbuild all of that now.
But even when that's the case, I do think if we want to, and if it feels yummy and good to us, we can also pause and be like, wow, I'm a badass. I did build this like entire building I don't want to live in because that's what I thought I had to do. I can still appreciate what a badass I am that I made that and I can still take that story of my badassery and then figure out like, well, wow, if I was able to do that for something that actually it turns out I don't even want it, what can I do for something I do deeply want?
A while back there were these posts circulating about the idea of the gap versus the gain. I think there's like a whole book about this. It looks like I think it's by Dan Sullivan, but I haven't actually read the book. But I think that that is a relevant topic too.
A lot of people focus on the gap, which is like the difference between where they are and where they're trying to g. Versus focusing on the gain, which if I understand correctly from having just read posts and not read the book is all the stuff you've already done, right?
There's so much you've already done, even if you feel like you're miles and light years away from the thing you want to do, be, accomplish, et cetera, like you've still come from somewhere else. And if it's hard to see in your own life how far you've come, you can also think about how far humans have come as a species. And then when you think about how far humans have come as a species and the distance between you and your goal, maybe it's going to look a little smaller.
I always think about like, someone fucking invented the internet. If someone can invent the internet, I can probably do some pretty cool, amazing, crazy things if I just try. I'm probably not going to invent the next internet, but I don't need to do that. I can just like kind of bolster and borrow from other people's possibilities in a way that feels really yummy to me.
That's also a little off topic though. The main point of this is that looking at your life through the lens of like, wow, I've come so fucking far. And if you are having trouble, again, so like there's the whole human condition, you can also think about like from babyhood. Like, wow, there was a time during my lifetime when I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk. I have come so far, look at all that I've accomplished. And then what do I want to do?
And it's not all about what you want to do next. I do think a lot of it actually is just focusing on looking at how far you've come and really allowing that to feel nourishing and good to you and allowing yourself to feel successful. So many of us are chasing success. We're striving, we're like, I think it's a Brene Brown quote, we're like hustling for our worthiness.
And listen, it's a fucking drag. It feels terrible, it may have us achieve more, but we don't enjoy any of the achievements. And the way it has us achieve more is upsetting, it doesn't feel good and it's not sustainable. Whereas when we look at how far we've come and we revel in that, and we delight in that, we create a positive feeling that's much more sustainable for going on to make and build whatever other changes we want to have in our lives.
The other reason I wanted to record this podcast is just because I think for most of us, most of the time, we don't hear this enough. You've come so far. You've come so fucking far. You have come so fucking far. You've overcome so much. You have done truly incredible things.
I don't necessarily know what those incredible things are for you, and here's the thing, not everyone has to agree. The things you think are most incredible that you've done in your life, may be things that other people wouldn't see as meaningful at all. No one else gets to tell you. You get to decide for yourself.
But what I want you to do is to take some time today, get a piece of paper, open up a notes app on your phone, whatever, and title something like you've come so far, and then write about how far you've come. Look around your life and see what is part of my life that I used to dream of? Whether I still want that thing or not, can I celebrate that I wanted it and then I made it?
And yeah, I do think there's room here also for thinking about sometimes we create stuff and then it's not what we want. And we've still come so far and we can still celebrate that. And then we can kind of think about like, oh look, maybe I was following someone else's blueprint when I made that. Maybe that's not exactly the way I want it to be.
And I've done a lot of that in my business too. Because when I first started my business, a lot of what I did was recreated my experience in corporate America, but as my own boss, right? Like the hours I was working, the way I was working, the way I was trying to get things done, like the emotional fuel that I was using.
It wasn't bad. I thought I was branching out from corporate America. And in some ways I was but in other ways, it was just still in me and still part of me and then it didn't feel that great sometimes. And so then I had to go back in and streamline some of that out. So I could look at like this is what I was dreaming of, but also what are the ways in which it's not what I want it to be?
And this is where we also need that personal discernment that we talk about sometimes because life is 50/50 and there's always going to be the opportunity to be annoyed. There's always going to be the opportunity to be angry. there's always going to be the opportunity to feel grief. There's always going to be the opportunity to feel guilty, and shitty, and resentful about all kinds of things in this world, in this incarnation.
And being able to discern the difference between like here's something that's not working and which I'm going to do something about because I would like a different experience. Versus here is something that's not working and I'm going to choose to focus on all the stuff that is working and I'm not going to worry about that one thing right now because I know that with a human brain, my brain is going to want to focus on that one thing that's not working.
And I can't for you answer what that is or what the discernment is or what falls into what category. But what I know for me is something I've been able to do is go like, what in my life is something I used to dream of? When I was dreaming of it what did I think about it? How did I think I would think and feel having it? What did I think my life would be like?
Is my life like that? Yes or no? Okay if it's not like that, I mean if it is yes, woo-hoo, then we celebrate, right? Then we are like, oh, I've come so far and we're delighting and celebrating.
If something is something we used to dream of and it's not the way we thought it would be and it doesn't feel pleasant to us, then I think the question is like is this a matter of hedonistic adaptation? like what I was talking about before, where my brain has just gotten used to this and doesn't think it's special anymore? Or is something about this not fitting quite right? Is there something about this that's like rubbing me the wrong way?
And actually, a great way to think about this, like a metaphor could be like if you have a pair of shoes and you used to dream of the shoes, and now you have the shoes. Is your brain kind of like, oh, these shoes are boring now because we have them? Or is it like, oh, these shoes don't fit me properly and they're chafing and rubbing? Or is it like there's a rock in the shoe, the shoes are great but I need to get this rock out of here because that's creating a real problem for me?
So that's the example I have for you for the discernment. So in this metaphor, like we've come so far would be like, wow, I really wanted these shoes, I saved for these shoes, I dreamed of having them. And now I have them, am I enjoying my experience of having them? Is it everything I hoped for?
If it's not, is it because my brain has moved on to the next shiny thing? Or is it because there's something that's not working here? And if something's not working, is it inherently a part of the shoes? Or is it something like a rock that's gotten in the shoe that just needs to be taken out?
And so for me with my business, like I said before, in the beginning a lot of it was sort of a copy paste from my corporate life. And that gave me a framework and a reference point to begin with. And so that was actually really useful. But after a while I was like, you know what? I don't really like taking calls at nine, so I'm not going to do that anymore. And I was like, you know what? I don't really want to take calls that end any later than 3:45. So I'm not going to do that anymore.
And it was just like these little things, right? Where I was like, okay, these are the shoes I dreamed of, but I don't think I like wearing these socks with them. Or I don't think I like the way this part fits. Or maybe I need to put an insole in the shoes.
That's actually a great metaphor for me because I have to wear insoles in like literally almost all of my shoes because I have extremely high arches. So that's just something for me to know, I can wear all kinds of different shoes but I'm probably going to have to modify them in order for them to feel really good and yummy to me. And so then the shoes need to work with that modification.
And there have been so many times when I bought shoes and they didn't work with the insoles but I wanted them so I just bought them anyways. And guess what? I just don't wear them because they don't feel good, right? So no shame in that, but it's just good to know.
Okay, so we covered a bunch of stuff that's like sort of tangentially related. But to go back to your homework assignment, open your Word doc or get your piece of paper out and write like, the things I used to dream about that are now part of my current life. And write them all down and take a minute just to appreciate yourself and everyone who helped you get here, and teachers, mentors, partners. But especially you and how far you got and how you came to here.
And then you can also think about like, do I like these shoes? If I don't like them is it because now that they're mine I'm just seeing flaws with them? Or is it because there's something here that's really not working for me? And from there, you can figure out what you want to do next. But what I, again, really want to harp on here is what I really want you to do is spend some time celebrating yourself and looking at how far you've come because it's so easy to just look at where we want to go next.
And again, there's times and places for that, like if you find a metaphorical rock in your shoe, take it out. But also appreciate the shoes. Appreciate what you've done, and created, and built for yourself. So much of what we want from accomplishment and achievement, we get by slowing down, noticing, and celebrating. And that's really what I want y'all to do with the information I'm talking about here today.
All right. And if you want some extremely customized, detailed, laser focused help doing this in your own life, come sign up for a consultation call with me. We can go through this on the consultation call and you can tell me all the things, what's going on, where life's working, where it's not. We can talk about how to get you to where you want to go and how to just enjoy how far you've come even while you're still on that journey. And if it sounds like a good fit, I'll tell you how to work with me and it'll be great.
All right, y'all have a lovely week. I'll talk to you next time. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all. Happy Wednesday. Right as I was setting up to record this, Alex called me. And I had just been downstairs helping her with some IKEA furniture that she's putting together for the apartment she renovated, which we're going to be renting out pretty soon.
And I thought I had solved a major problem she was dealing with because I was like, “Oh, this doesn't look like the picture, I think we're trying to put it upside down.” So we turned it around the other way and put it on and we thought it worked. And then I came up here to record a podcast. And she went there to like finish doing the rest of it.
And she just called me and was like, “Yeah, we put that on wrong.” So I haven't gotten down to investigate how exactly we put it on wrong, but it sounds like we thought we were moving forward and we actually moved backward. We are forward, but just not in the direction we want to go, which I guess is still technically backward.
And that happens sometimes, like whether you're putting together IKEA furniture, I know that's actually happened to be putting together other IKEA furniture stuff where I thought I was doing it right, did it wrong, had to undo it, and then still had to put it together. And it happens in our lives and careers too, at work and relationships, all the things.
And listen, it's not my favorite thing ever. I would be much more excited if we had just done it the right way. And I was like, yeah, I was so helpful. You know, I'd prefer that too. But when you do a lot of shit in life, a lot of times that's not how it is.
A lot of times you do fuck things up before you figure them out. And it takes a couple of steps in a couple of different directions before you figure out which direction is the actual direction that's going to take you where you want to go.
So just wanted to tell you all about that. I think it's a great metaphor for so much of the stuff we talk about on here. But it's not actually what we're talking about today. What we're talking about today is how far you've already come.
I think so many people, and by so many people I mean a lot of my clients, I also mean me. So many of us, we focus on where we're still trying to get to or like what we haven't done yet, or what we haven't achieved, et cetera. And, listen, I've got big fucking goals. So I get it and I want to keep working on those goals and I want to keep going and get to where I want to go.
But as I tell you all sometimes, I would say all the time, but I think we haven't talked about it recently, it's so important to notice what is working. It's so important to celebrate what you have done and achieved. It's so important to celebrate not just your progress, but also your effort because sometimes we try shit and it actually takes us further away from the goal, right?
Actually, so it is related to that IKEA furniture that Alex and I were putting together. Like I've now taken her, I thought I was helping and I've taken her further away from the goal because now the part is on wrong, which means we have to get that back off. And it involved some effort to get it on, like slotted in. So it's probably going to involve a lot of effort to get it off.
But I still want to celebrate the effort even though I “did it wrong.” Because if I don't celebrate when I do it wrong, then I don't want to try shit. That's what I know from my experience and that's what I've seen from a lot of my clients. So part of why I want to talk about this is because this is something I have to come back to all the time in my own personal journey with my business growth and my personal growth and like all kinds of stuff.
My brain, like many brains, and like I talk about all the time on the podcast, always wants to move on to the next thing. It always wants to think about what we're still trying to get to, it always wants to focus on what's not comfortable, what's not working, how things aren't the way we thought they would be.
And this kind of blends together a few different things, right? So one thing is that the brain loves to do that thing where it's always changing the goalpost, right? So like when I first started my business I really wanted to make six figures, I've talked about this before. And then eventually I did make six figures and then my brain was like, cool now let's make multiple six figures, let's make six figures faster, what else can we do?
And that's great and good and fun, and now I do have a multiple six figure business and that's like super delightful. I really enjoy it. And also, it is so important periodically, and I would say regularly, to also look at how far I've come because it's so easy for me to just think about like my business making multiple six figures as the new normal. And it is the new normal in that it's what's happening, right?
But the brain has this thing called hedonistic adaptation, which is the idea that when it gets more pleasures and delights and good, yummy things, it will get used to them. And then it won't think they're like special or interesting anymore, right? It just is like, oh, yeah, this is just like the way it should be.
Now, here's the thing about that, that's not bad. I think so many of us when we notice that about our brains, then we're like, oh, I'm ungrateful. And then we’re like, I should feel guilty. That's not what we're getting at here. This is just a built in feature of your brain, it's not a personal moral failing. But when you notice that your brain has that habit, you're like, wow, no wonder I feel dissatisfied at every level.
And no wonder, like I got all the shit that I thought would be satisfying and no wonder I'm not satisfied because my brain has this thing where it's always going to look to what's not working, instead of spending a lot of time thinking about how far I've come and what is working and what I'm doing really well and what I've achieved and accomplished. And how I'm working to achieve and accomplish whatever the other goals are.
So with this teaching, I'm not saying don't have new goals and don't have new things you work on and don't push yourself and strive, if you want to for fun. We do not fucking strive for worthiness around here. So if you're doing that, fucking cut that shit out. But if you want to strive and have goals and like do big cool shit because it's super fun, and delightful, and yummy, and interesting, I'm all in with you.
But what I've noticed in my own journey is that if I get to focused on where I'm going, like knowing where you're going is great, right? It's hard to drive somewhere, if you don't know where it is you want to go. But if all I'm focused on is where I want to go and I'm not enjoying the journey, that's not a great experience either and that's not what I want to do.
So something that I've done, again, over the course of my business, but I think especially this past year, is really think about how far I've come and really look around my life and look at all these things that I used to dream about having, being, doing, et cetera, that are now my everyday reality. And I want to notice that my brain and its hedonistic adaptation is going to try to tell me that these things aren't special.
And I want to sort of undermine that hedonistic adaptation. That's just, again, it's like part of what the brain does. But I just want to build simultaneously next to that the celebration and the noticing of how far I've come and the noticing of how the things I used to dream of are now my life.
So this past year I've really been doing two things. And one of the things I've been doing is really noticing how far I've come and how my life is what I used to dream of. And the other thing, which isn't technically the subject of this podcast, but I think is also really important to talk about, is figuring out where I still wanted somewhere else to go or, you know, where my goal turns out to not suit what I actually want, right?
So this is sort of like a gratitude practice, but it's not a gratitude practice. It's not about looking around your life and looking at what you can be grateful for. It's about looking around your life and looking at how far you've come in various different areas. And looking around your life and seeing what that’s in your current life is something you used to dream of.
And even if you may not want that thing anymore, right? So you may have created something in your life and then been like, you know what? This is not the thing. But that's still evidence of you coming so far, to have a goal and a vision and then to go on to create that. It doesn't mean you have to have, or do, or be it forever. But I think it's so powerful to look at how far you went or how far you’ve came to create the things that you were hoping to have.
And with all the socialization that we have, as women, as people with marginalized identities, sometimes we are going to have created things and come so far in areas or directions or ways that we're not excited about. We're like, oh, fuck, I have to unbuild all of that now.
But even when that's the case, I do think if we want to, and if it feels yummy and good to us, we can also pause and be like, wow, I'm a badass. I did build this like entire building I don't want to live in because that's what I thought I had to do. I can still appreciate what a badass I am that I made that and I can still take that story of my badassery and then figure out like, well, wow, if I was able to do that for something that actually it turns out I don't even want it, what can I do for something I do deeply want?
A while back there were these posts circulating about the idea of the gap versus the gain. I think there's like a whole book about this. It looks like I think it's by Dan Sullivan, but I haven't actually read the book. But I think that that is a relevant topic too.
A lot of people focus on the gap, which is like the difference between where they are and where they're trying to g. Versus focusing on the gain, which if I understand correctly from having just read posts and not read the book is all the stuff you've already done, right?
There's so much you've already done, even if you feel like you're miles and light years away from the thing you want to do, be, accomplish, et cetera, like you've still come from somewhere else. And if it's hard to see in your own life how far you've come, you can also think about how far humans have come as a species. And then when you think about how far humans have come as a species and the distance between you and your goal, maybe it's going to look a little smaller.
I always think about like, someone fucking invented the internet. If someone can invent the internet, I can probably do some pretty cool, amazing, crazy things if I just try. I'm probably not going to invent the next internet, but I don't need to do that. I can just like kind of bolster and borrow from other people's possibilities in a way that feels really yummy to me.
That's also a little off topic though. The main point of this is that looking at your life through the lens of like, wow, I've come so fucking far. And if you are having trouble, again, so like there's the whole human condition, you can also think about like from babyhood. Like, wow, there was a time during my lifetime when I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk. I have come so far, look at all that I've accomplished. And then what do I want to do?
And it's not all about what you want to do next. I do think a lot of it actually is just focusing on looking at how far you've come and really allowing that to feel nourishing and good to you and allowing yourself to feel successful. So many of us are chasing success. We're striving, we're like, I think it's a Brene Brown quote, we're like hustling for our worthiness.
And listen, it's a fucking drag. It feels terrible, it may have us achieve more, but we don't enjoy any of the achievements. And the way it has us achieve more is upsetting, it doesn't feel good and it's not sustainable. Whereas when we look at how far we've come and we revel in that, and we delight in that, we create a positive feeling that's much more sustainable for going on to make and build whatever other changes we want to have in our lives.
The other reason I wanted to record this podcast is just because I think for most of us, most of the time, we don't hear this enough. You've come so far. You've come so fucking far. You have come so fucking far. You've overcome so much. You have done truly incredible things.
I don't necessarily know what those incredible things are for you, and here's the thing, not everyone has to agree. The things you think are most incredible that you've done in your life, may be things that other people wouldn't see as meaningful at all. No one else gets to tell you. You get to decide for yourself.
But what I want you to do is to take some time today, get a piece of paper, open up a notes app on your phone, whatever, and title something like you've come so far, and then write about how far you've come. Look around your life and see what is part of my life that I used to dream of? Whether I still want that thing or not, can I celebrate that I wanted it and then I made it?
And yeah, I do think there's room here also for thinking about sometimes we create stuff and then it's not what we want. And we've still come so far and we can still celebrate that. And then we can kind of think about like, oh look, maybe I was following someone else's blueprint when I made that. Maybe that's not exactly the way I want it to be.
And I've done a lot of that in my business too. Because when I first started my business, a lot of what I did was recreated my experience in corporate America, but as my own boss, right? Like the hours I was working, the way I was working, the way I was trying to get things done, like the emotional fuel that I was using.
It wasn't bad. I thought I was branching out from corporate America. And in some ways I was but in other ways, it was just still in me and still part of me and then it didn't feel that great sometimes. And so then I had to go back in and streamline some of that out. So I could look at like this is what I was dreaming of, but also what are the ways in which it's not what I want it to be?
And this is where we also need that personal discernment that we talk about sometimes because life is 50/50 and there's always going to be the opportunity to be annoyed. There's always going to be the opportunity to be angry. there's always going to be the opportunity to feel grief. There's always going to be the opportunity to feel guilty, and shitty, and resentful about all kinds of things in this world, in this incarnation.
And being able to discern the difference between like here's something that's not working and which I'm going to do something about because I would like a different experience. Versus here is something that's not working and I'm going to choose to focus on all the stuff that is working and I'm not going to worry about that one thing right now because I know that with a human brain, my brain is going to want to focus on that one thing that's not working.
And I can't for you answer what that is or what the discernment is or what falls into what category. But what I know for me is something I've been able to do is go like, what in my life is something I used to dream of? When I was dreaming of it what did I think about it? How did I think I would think and feel having it? What did I think my life would be like?
Is my life like that? Yes or no? Okay if it's not like that, I mean if it is yes, woo-hoo, then we celebrate, right? Then we are like, oh, I've come so far and we're delighting and celebrating.
If something is something we used to dream of and it's not the way we thought it would be and it doesn't feel pleasant to us, then I think the question is like is this a matter of hedonistic adaptation? like what I was talking about before, where my brain has just gotten used to this and doesn't think it's special anymore? Or is something about this not fitting quite right? Is there something about this that's like rubbing me the wrong way?
And actually, a great way to think about this, like a metaphor could be like if you have a pair of shoes and you used to dream of the shoes, and now you have the shoes. Is your brain kind of like, oh, these shoes are boring now because we have them? Or is it like, oh, these shoes don't fit me properly and they're chafing and rubbing? Or is it like there's a rock in the shoe, the shoes are great but I need to get this rock out of here because that's creating a real problem for me?
So that's the example I have for you for the discernment. So in this metaphor, like we've come so far would be like, wow, I really wanted these shoes, I saved for these shoes, I dreamed of having them. And now I have them, am I enjoying my experience of having them? Is it everything I hoped for?
If it's not, is it because my brain has moved on to the next shiny thing? Or is it because there's something that's not working here? And if something's not working, is it inherently a part of the shoes? Or is it something like a rock that's gotten in the shoe that just needs to be taken out?
And so for me with my business, like I said before, in the beginning a lot of it was sort of a copy paste from my corporate life. And that gave me a framework and a reference point to begin with. And so that was actually really useful. But after a while I was like, you know what? I don't really like taking calls at nine, so I'm not going to do that anymore. And I was like, you know what? I don't really want to take calls that end any later than 3:45. So I'm not going to do that anymore.
And it was just like these little things, right? Where I was like, okay, these are the shoes I dreamed of, but I don't think I like wearing these socks with them. Or I don't think I like the way this part fits. Or maybe I need to put an insole in the shoes.
That's actually a great metaphor for me because I have to wear insoles in like literally almost all of my shoes because I have extremely high arches. So that's just something for me to know, I can wear all kinds of different shoes but I'm probably going to have to modify them in order for them to feel really good and yummy to me. And so then the shoes need to work with that modification.
And there have been so many times when I bought shoes and they didn't work with the insoles but I wanted them so I just bought them anyways. And guess what? I just don't wear them because they don't feel good, right? So no shame in that, but it's just good to know.
Okay, so we covered a bunch of stuff that's like sort of tangentially related. But to go back to your homework assignment, open your Word doc or get your piece of paper out and write like, the things I used to dream about that are now part of my current life. And write them all down and take a minute just to appreciate yourself and everyone who helped you get here, and teachers, mentors, partners. But especially you and how far you got and how you came to here.
And then you can also think about like, do I like these shoes? If I don't like them is it because now that they're mine I'm just seeing flaws with them? Or is it because there's something here that's really not working for me? And from there, you can figure out what you want to do next. But what I, again, really want to harp on here is what I really want you to do is spend some time celebrating yourself and looking at how far you've come because it's so easy to just look at where we want to go next.
And again, there's times and places for that, like if you find a metaphorical rock in your shoe, take it out. But also appreciate the shoes. Appreciate what you've done, and created, and built for yourself. So much of what we want from accomplishment and achievement, we get by slowing down, noticing, and celebrating. And that's really what I want y'all to do with the information I'm talking about here today.
All right. And if you want some extremely customized, detailed, laser focused help doing this in your own life, come sign up for a consultation call with me. We can go through this on the consultation call and you can tell me all the things, what's going on, where life's working, where it's not. We can talk about how to get you to where you want to go and how to just enjoy how far you've come even while you're still on that journey. And if it sounds like a good fit, I'll tell you how to work with me and it'll be great.
All right, y'all have a lovely week. I'll talk to you next time. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
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