93. Avoidance
As humans, we avoid things. Things we don’t want to do, obvs. But also sometimes things we do want to do.
Whether it’s career stuff or in our personal lives, there are a couple of main reasons we avoid things.
The first is the thoughts and feelings we have about those things (or the thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves in relation to them).
Sometimes those thoughts and feelings don’t feel good, and so we don’t want to go near them, even if addressing them and doing the thing would actually improve our situation and lead to other outcomes we’d like.
The human brain is great for handling physical danger, but sometimes it gets confused about how to handle things that feel scary in other ways (like difficult work tasks). Your brain may want to run away from the thing you’re trying to do, as though that thing is a predator when really it’s a phone call.
The second reason we avoid things is because we’ve often added a bunch of extra steps or complications.
There may be something you want to get done, but that you keep avoiding. And when you dig into it, you may find that your brain is complexifying it, turning one to-do item into a 15-step process that’s overwhelming.
Whichever way you slice it, the problem is that our brain thinks doing the thing is going to be unpleasant.
(And let’s be honest - it might be.)
But we can still find a way to do the thing if we really want to, and two steps that will make it much easier and more pleasant are to choose useful thoughts about the thing you’re avoiding and to find the simplest way to get started.
Sound easier said than done? It is. Which is why we have a whole podcast to talk about it.
So, tune in this week to take a look at the things you’re avoiding, figure out what’s going on there, and choose how you want to move forward with them (or how to give yourself permission to let them go if you decide you don’t want to do them after all).
If you want to supercharge your capacity to create a life that blows your mind, I have some one-on-one coaching slots opening up soon. Send me an email and let's talk about it or click here to schedule a call with me and we’ll see if we’re a good fit to start working together!
If there are topics y’all want me to talk about on the podcast, feel free to write in and let me know by clicking here! I’d love to hear from you!
The first round of my six-month Satisfied AF group coaching program is officially underway. However, you can still get your name down on the waitlist for the next cohort, starting six months from now in early 2023. It’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever designed in my life, so if you want to come together and be part of a community, build relationships, and figure things out so your life can feel satisfying as f*ck, click here to sign up for a consult.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
How our brain tries to avoid things, even when doing the thing would create an outcome that we ultimately want.
Why this isn’t about toxic positivity, gaslighting yourself, or even disproving your negative thoughts about the thing you’re avoiding.
The specific thoughts I see my clients experiencing that lead to avoidance.
How to come up with a new thought about the thing you’re avoiding that will enable you to get going on the thing you’ve been avoiding.
How to break down your avoided task into doable chunks.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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Feel free to ask me any questions over on Instagram!
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about avoidance.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all, happy Wednesday. I'm in such a good mood. I just wrapped up the very first call of the Satisfied As Fuck group that I am running this summer and for the next six months. And I'm just so excited about everything that we're working on and everything I'm going to teach them.
And I'm so excited to share some of the learnings that come up in that group with you. I'm teaching some new stuff and working through some new concepts with these clients. And I'm super prepared to get my mind blown just as much as they're getting their minds blown by the things that are going to happen inside this coaching container.
One of the things I was talking about with them today was the idea that hard things can be fun, but that also things don't have to be hard for them to be worthwhile. And that kind of kicked off a conversation where we were talking about like when we don't want to do something, is it because it's going to be hard? Or is it because of our other thoughts about it?
And that really got me thinking about the idea of avoidance and why we avoid things, and specifically why we avoid things that we want to be doing. And I wanted to talk about y'all with that today because I think avoidance is something that happens to so many of us. I'm a coach and it still happens to me all the time where I will catch myself avoiding a task, usually something I want to do, but that for some reason I also don't want to do.
So let's get into it. I think that there are a couple of reasons that we avoid things. And this can be all kinds of stuff, right? So it could be career stuff, it could be a big project you're working on. Sometimes it's even like a big project that we really worked hard to get, like to have it be ours and to have ownership of it. But then when we go to work on it we're like, why did I fight so hard to get this? It's going to be so hard, it's going to be so terrible, et cetera.
Sometimes it's avoidance in other areas of our lives, like maybe it's a difficult conversation we want to have with our significant other. I know I've personally done some avoiding in that area over the years, although I think I'm a lot better now in that particular one.
Sometimes we avoid stuff, like I often used to avoid going to bed. Like it was like an adult rebellion thing I think, where I would want to stay up later and have more time for me. And so I was avoiding going to bed even though I also really wanted to get lots of good, yummy sleep.
So whatever it is for you, there may be a lot of different things you're avoiding but let's kind of just think about one that you're going to think through as we talk through the talking points of this podcast. And you can use them to figure out what's going on with that thing and how to move forward with it if that's what you decide you want to do.
So I think there are two main reasons we avoid things. One of those reasons is the thoughts we're having about the thing, right? So if you have that big work project that you fought really hard to get but now you're having thoughts like, fuck, I have to do a really good job at this. If I fail I'm going to look bad I really fought for this and if it doesn't go well I might get demoted, I might get fired, I'm going to embarrass myself.
So those are all going to sound really true, but they're thoughts that we're having about the work. And even though they sound like they're going to help us be responsible and do a really good job, they don't. And what they often cause us to do is avoid the thing instead. It's like part of our brain thinks doing the thing is dangerous, when really it's like us not doing it is more dangerous or more likely to create those outcomes that we don't want.
But our brain didn't evolve for sophisticated things like work tasks, it evolved for kind of more physical threats. And so when something seems dangerous to us, even if it's like intellectually or emotionally dangerous, our brain wants to avoid it, it doesn't want to go there. And our brain has a really strong ability to create associative connections.
So if we're having negative thoughts about something, we're probably not going to want to do it also because anytime we think about it we feel bad. We don't like feeling bad so we want to go in the opposite direction. Even though working on the thing and doing a really good job would ultimately create good feelings, it's like our brain doesn't even want to go there.
So that's one of the reasons we avoid is because the feelings we're having, the thoughts and feelings we're having about the thing we're avoiding. And then the other reason I see people avoid stuff a lot is because they have added a lot of extra steps or complications. So sometimes it's like we have one thing, but instead of just doing the one thing, we add like six or seven other things, right?
So if you have that one big work project that you fought for, but then you're also piling on six other things, you’re like well, I have this one big work project, but I also have to check all my emails. And I also have to manage these three other projects. And I also have to go to all these meetings. Sometimes when we stack all this stuff on it, it makes it harder to do.
Sometimes when we're not just considering the task itself, but we're kind of lumping it together with a bunch of other stuff or we're like, oh, well I can't just get started on the project because I have to do a really good job on all the parts of it. It's like we make the thing too big. We make it so big that then our brain doesn't want to do it. It wants to avoid it because it's like too many things.
So either way you slice it, these are both like our brain thinks it's going to be unpleasant, right? Our brain either thinks it's going to be unpleasant because of the meaning we're assigning to the thing, or our brain thinks it's going to be unpleasant because our brain has tacked on these other 98 things that we also need to do. And now it's too big of a task for our brain to want to think about or figure out how to do.
So when we break it into these two categories I think it makes it much easier to solve. So if it's the thoughts we're having about it, we need some better thoughts, right? And this isn't about gaslighting yourself, or bright siding, or doing toxic positivity. As we always talk about around here, it's about finding a thought that is believable, but just a different believable thought from the negative one your brain is having, right?
And it's not even about necessarily disproving the thought. If you have that big work project and your brain keeps saying, if I do a bad job, I'm going to look stupid for having fought for this, your brain might think that's really true. We don't even necessarily need to question that right now. Let's just kind of set that off to the side and let's think like, okay, that's clearly not helping me get started. That's making me want to avoid this and bite my nails and do all this other shit instead.
So what could I also think that's true that would help me to just get started? And so it could be something as simple as like, I'm just going to get started. Or there's a few parts I do know how to do. Or yeah, I fought really hard for this, but my boss and my boss's boss and my boss's boss's boss ultimately agreed that this would be a good thing for me to do.
Or you can even go to like people mess up and still have amazing careers. People bite off more than they can chew, and then struggle and then figure it out, and then that can actually be part of a really wonderful, brilliant career. I think for me and a lot of my clients, we’re a little bit perfectionistic so we get this idea in our head that we have to always tackle really big work projects and then do them perfectly and that's how we grow and do well in the world.
But that's not realistic. If we're doing these really enormous things and taking on these big challenges, probably we are going to fuck up and fail sometimes. And what if that can also be part of our successful career trajectory and a successful career narrative? But we don't want to focus on that part because focusing on that part is going to make us want to just avoid.
Okay, so that's the piece about the thoughts. If we're having negative, terrible thoughts about something, we're probably not going to want to do it. We're probably going to want to do something else instead. Something our brain thinks is fun, or easy, or just preferable for whatever reason.
Okay, but then the second piece, so let's just say you have that really big work project and you're thinking, if I fuck this up I'm going to get fired. And that makes me want to go get a coffee instead of sitting down to work on it. Now we've switched that to a thought like, it's just one thing, and then another thing, and then another thing. Or a thought like, I've done a lot of great work, so I can probably figure this out too.
Okay, so that's that piece. But then when we go back to the other piece, you may still be looking at the project as like a whole and maybe it's huge. Or maybe you're looking at the project and looking at all this other shit you also have to do. And your brain is getting overwhelmed, it's thinking about how to balance all these priorities.
So if that's the case we need to be able to break things up into smaller parts. And a lot of times when we're avoiding something, one of the keys to not avoiding it, is to pick a small doable piece of it. So we've talked about this before in the idea that I have about too small to fail, which is choosing a task that's so small, it's literally easier to do it than it is to avoid it.
So this may be the case where you're thinking about this big work project and you're imagining the whole of it. And when you imagine the whole of it your brain is like this is like trying to climb like a sheer rock face with no little handholds. And then it's just tired and it like wants to do something else or like lay on the floor and cry about it. You know, speaking from personal experience here, that's what my brain is like 100% of the time. Well, maybe not 100% but it does this a lot.
Anyways, so instead, it's like what's the easiest part? What is the thing we can get started on? So there is sometimes this idea that like do the hard part first, and I'm not going to lie, I do that a lot because my brain likes to get things out of the way and then be rewarded later.
But when we're overwhelmed, when we're feeling avoidant, when we're not wanting to do something, just getting started by doing the easiest piece can be really helpful. Because even that hardest piece, if you're trying to get that out of the way, that might be too big. That might feel too hard and your brain might want to really avoid that.
So we're going to switch our thoughts to more helpful thoughts. They don't have to be super positive, they can be kind of neutral, they can be kind of playful. And then we're going to think about what's the easiest part of this to tackle, right? I don't even have to know all the steps.
Let's say I'm trying to work on some really big project and I don't even know what it's going to take, but what do I know? What can I get started on? What are the pieces that I can go ahead and move forward? Because a lot of times we figure out the answers to those other parts. By moving forward the first parts. And sometimes the other parts aren't even necessary, but we get so overwhelmed by the idea of them that we just avoid the whole thing.
If your brain is anything like mine, maybe it gets overwhelmed by what I'm going to call like the everythingness of life. It's like there's always more to do. There's always more dishes to do. There's always more laundry to do. There's always more difficult conversations to have. There's always more chores. There's always more physical therapy. My body's going to get hungry and then I have to feed it again.
And I get what it's like to be in that headspace and to feel overwhelmed by all of it. And when we feel overwhelmed by all of it, we may want to avoid any of it. But at any moment, if we choose a thought that feels more helpful and choose a small thing to get done, we can get it done. And we don't have to get everything done to get something done.
So giving yourself permission to be incremental and to get one thing done, or a few things done, or just to move forward a little bit on something, that's going to help you step out of the avoidance and step into action. And guess what? Once we're in action, a lot of times we're like, you know what? That wasn't that bad. Or even if it was really hard, sometimes we're like, that was really hard and I did it and I'm a badass.
And once we're in action, it's easier to take more action. It's easier to keep going. We get momentum and we prove to ourselves that we can do things, whether we prove that we're doing hard things or whether the things turn out to be easier. And from that headspace, I think it's just so much easier to keep going.
So to sum that up, when you're in avoidance, figuring out a way just to get started is so helpful. And the key ways that I see to do this are looking at the thoughts you're having about the thing you're avoiding. And if they're unhelpful, choosing more helpful thoughts. And then the second thing is looking at what you're trying to accomplish. And if you're trying to accomplish like 58 different things, picking just one thing to accomplish and starting there and just doing it. Versus focusing on all the various pieces.
And here's the thing, I like to strategize and optimize as much as the next person and I want to pick the most useful thing to do first. And sometimes I'm able to, but sometimes we don't know what will be most useful. And in that case just picking anything and getting started can be so helpful.
Because guess what? Sometimes you're going to pick something and you're going to get started and then later you're going to be like, that was not the ideal thing to do first. But guess how you get that knowledge. You get that knowledge by picking something, doing it, and then evaluating. And a lot of times people who know how to do things really effectively, they've learned that by doing them.
Yeah, sometimes you can learn by book knowledge and book knowledge is great. And I'm a total book person and I love that shit. And also, there's a lot that can be learned just by doing. There's a lot that can be learned by being willing to do things wrong, or not the best way. And that knowledge, once you have it, you have it. But in order to get it, you got to do something, right?
And so, again, the things that block us from doing something are usually we're trying to do too many somethings, or we're trying to do something while having shitty thoughts about it. So choose some thoughts that feel good to you and that help you show up to this thing you're trying to do. And then just pick a little bit of it to show up to and do.
And then, as always, praise the shit out of yourself. When you want yourself to do more of something, you’ve got to praise yourself for that. You’ve got to show yourself that that's something that you value and that that's something that when you do it, you're going to be proud of yourself.
Because if you do it and then shit all over yourself about how it's not enough or it wasn't hard so you shouldn't have avoided it, that's going to make you feel bad. And that's going to create that associative connection between doing shit and feeling bad. And then of course you're not going to want to do anything. Of course you're going to want to avoid everything, it makes total sense.
So let's set your brain up for success. Choose some helpful thoughts, choose some small, discrete steps to get started on. And then give yourself a fuckload of credit. You're doing a great job. As we talked about last week, even if you are avoiding some stuff and even if you're not where you want to be, you've come so far. You're doing great, just keep going.
All right y'all, that's what I have for you this week. If you want some one on one help with the stuff we talk about on this podcasts come sign up for a consult call with me. We can have a conversation about what's going on for you and what you would like coaching to help you create. And if you're excited to do group coaching instead, like I said, head on over to my website and sign up for the Satisfied As Fuck wait list and we'll talk about working together in six months.
All right y'all, have a great day. Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all, happy Wednesday. I'm in such a good mood. I just wrapped up the very first call of the Satisfied As Fuck group that I am running this summer and for the next six months. And I'm just so excited about everything that we're working on and everything I'm going to teach them.
And I'm so excited to share some of the learnings that come up in that group with you. I'm teaching some new stuff and working through some new concepts with these clients. And I'm super prepared to get my mind blown just as much as they're getting their minds blown by the things that are going to happen inside this coaching container.
One of the things I was talking about with them today was the idea that hard things can be fun, but that also things don't have to be hard for them to be worthwhile. And that kind of kicked off a conversation where we were talking about like when we don't want to do something, is it because it's going to be hard? Or is it because of our other thoughts about it?
And that really got me thinking about the idea of avoidance and why we avoid things, and specifically why we avoid things that we want to be doing. And I wanted to talk about y'all with that today because I think avoidance is something that happens to so many of us. I'm a coach and it still happens to me all the time where I will catch myself avoiding a task, usually something I want to do, but that for some reason I also don't want to do.
So let's get into it. I think that there are a couple of reasons that we avoid things. And this can be all kinds of stuff, right? So it could be career stuff, it could be a big project you're working on. Sometimes it's even like a big project that we really worked hard to get, like to have it be ours and to have ownership of it. But then when we go to work on it we're like, why did I fight so hard to get this? It's going to be so hard, it's going to be so terrible, et cetera.
Sometimes it's avoidance in other areas of our lives, like maybe it's a difficult conversation we want to have with our significant other. I know I've personally done some avoiding in that area over the years, although I think I'm a lot better now in that particular one.
Sometimes we avoid stuff, like I often used to avoid going to bed. Like it was like an adult rebellion thing I think, where I would want to stay up later and have more time for me. And so I was avoiding going to bed even though I also really wanted to get lots of good, yummy sleep.
So whatever it is for you, there may be a lot of different things you're avoiding but let's kind of just think about one that you're going to think through as we talk through the talking points of this podcast. And you can use them to figure out what's going on with that thing and how to move forward with it if that's what you decide you want to do.
So I think there are two main reasons we avoid things. One of those reasons is the thoughts we're having about the thing, right? So if you have that big work project that you fought really hard to get but now you're having thoughts like, fuck, I have to do a really good job at this. If I fail I'm going to look bad I really fought for this and if it doesn't go well I might get demoted, I might get fired, I'm going to embarrass myself.
So those are all going to sound really true, but they're thoughts that we're having about the work. And even though they sound like they're going to help us be responsible and do a really good job, they don't. And what they often cause us to do is avoid the thing instead. It's like part of our brain thinks doing the thing is dangerous, when really it's like us not doing it is more dangerous or more likely to create those outcomes that we don't want.
But our brain didn't evolve for sophisticated things like work tasks, it evolved for kind of more physical threats. And so when something seems dangerous to us, even if it's like intellectually or emotionally dangerous, our brain wants to avoid it, it doesn't want to go there. And our brain has a really strong ability to create associative connections.
So if we're having negative thoughts about something, we're probably not going to want to do it also because anytime we think about it we feel bad. We don't like feeling bad so we want to go in the opposite direction. Even though working on the thing and doing a really good job would ultimately create good feelings, it's like our brain doesn't even want to go there.
So that's one of the reasons we avoid is because the feelings we're having, the thoughts and feelings we're having about the thing we're avoiding. And then the other reason I see people avoid stuff a lot is because they have added a lot of extra steps or complications. So sometimes it's like we have one thing, but instead of just doing the one thing, we add like six or seven other things, right?
So if you have that one big work project that you fought for, but then you're also piling on six other things, you’re like well, I have this one big work project, but I also have to check all my emails. And I also have to manage these three other projects. And I also have to go to all these meetings. Sometimes when we stack all this stuff on it, it makes it harder to do.
Sometimes when we're not just considering the task itself, but we're kind of lumping it together with a bunch of other stuff or we're like, oh, well I can't just get started on the project because I have to do a really good job on all the parts of it. It's like we make the thing too big. We make it so big that then our brain doesn't want to do it. It wants to avoid it because it's like too many things.
So either way you slice it, these are both like our brain thinks it's going to be unpleasant, right? Our brain either thinks it's going to be unpleasant because of the meaning we're assigning to the thing, or our brain thinks it's going to be unpleasant because our brain has tacked on these other 98 things that we also need to do. And now it's too big of a task for our brain to want to think about or figure out how to do.
So when we break it into these two categories I think it makes it much easier to solve. So if it's the thoughts we're having about it, we need some better thoughts, right? And this isn't about gaslighting yourself, or bright siding, or doing toxic positivity. As we always talk about around here, it's about finding a thought that is believable, but just a different believable thought from the negative one your brain is having, right?
And it's not even about necessarily disproving the thought. If you have that big work project and your brain keeps saying, if I do a bad job, I'm going to look stupid for having fought for this, your brain might think that's really true. We don't even necessarily need to question that right now. Let's just kind of set that off to the side and let's think like, okay, that's clearly not helping me get started. That's making me want to avoid this and bite my nails and do all this other shit instead.
So what could I also think that's true that would help me to just get started? And so it could be something as simple as like, I'm just going to get started. Or there's a few parts I do know how to do. Or yeah, I fought really hard for this, but my boss and my boss's boss and my boss's boss's boss ultimately agreed that this would be a good thing for me to do.
Or you can even go to like people mess up and still have amazing careers. People bite off more than they can chew, and then struggle and then figure it out, and then that can actually be part of a really wonderful, brilliant career. I think for me and a lot of my clients, we’re a little bit perfectionistic so we get this idea in our head that we have to always tackle really big work projects and then do them perfectly and that's how we grow and do well in the world.
But that's not realistic. If we're doing these really enormous things and taking on these big challenges, probably we are going to fuck up and fail sometimes. And what if that can also be part of our successful career trajectory and a successful career narrative? But we don't want to focus on that part because focusing on that part is going to make us want to just avoid.
Okay, so that's the piece about the thoughts. If we're having negative, terrible thoughts about something, we're probably not going to want to do it. We're probably going to want to do something else instead. Something our brain thinks is fun, or easy, or just preferable for whatever reason.
Okay, but then the second piece, so let's just say you have that really big work project and you're thinking, if I fuck this up I'm going to get fired. And that makes me want to go get a coffee instead of sitting down to work on it. Now we've switched that to a thought like, it's just one thing, and then another thing, and then another thing. Or a thought like, I've done a lot of great work, so I can probably figure this out too.
Okay, so that's that piece. But then when we go back to the other piece, you may still be looking at the project as like a whole and maybe it's huge. Or maybe you're looking at the project and looking at all this other shit you also have to do. And your brain is getting overwhelmed, it's thinking about how to balance all these priorities.
So if that's the case we need to be able to break things up into smaller parts. And a lot of times when we're avoiding something, one of the keys to not avoiding it, is to pick a small doable piece of it. So we've talked about this before in the idea that I have about too small to fail, which is choosing a task that's so small, it's literally easier to do it than it is to avoid it.
So this may be the case where you're thinking about this big work project and you're imagining the whole of it. And when you imagine the whole of it your brain is like this is like trying to climb like a sheer rock face with no little handholds. And then it's just tired and it like wants to do something else or like lay on the floor and cry about it. You know, speaking from personal experience here, that's what my brain is like 100% of the time. Well, maybe not 100% but it does this a lot.
Anyways, so instead, it's like what's the easiest part? What is the thing we can get started on? So there is sometimes this idea that like do the hard part first, and I'm not going to lie, I do that a lot because my brain likes to get things out of the way and then be rewarded later.
But when we're overwhelmed, when we're feeling avoidant, when we're not wanting to do something, just getting started by doing the easiest piece can be really helpful. Because even that hardest piece, if you're trying to get that out of the way, that might be too big. That might feel too hard and your brain might want to really avoid that.
So we're going to switch our thoughts to more helpful thoughts. They don't have to be super positive, they can be kind of neutral, they can be kind of playful. And then we're going to think about what's the easiest part of this to tackle, right? I don't even have to know all the steps.
Let's say I'm trying to work on some really big project and I don't even know what it's going to take, but what do I know? What can I get started on? What are the pieces that I can go ahead and move forward? Because a lot of times we figure out the answers to those other parts. By moving forward the first parts. And sometimes the other parts aren't even necessary, but we get so overwhelmed by the idea of them that we just avoid the whole thing.
If your brain is anything like mine, maybe it gets overwhelmed by what I'm going to call like the everythingness of life. It's like there's always more to do. There's always more dishes to do. There's always more laundry to do. There's always more difficult conversations to have. There's always more chores. There's always more physical therapy. My body's going to get hungry and then I have to feed it again.
And I get what it's like to be in that headspace and to feel overwhelmed by all of it. And when we feel overwhelmed by all of it, we may want to avoid any of it. But at any moment, if we choose a thought that feels more helpful and choose a small thing to get done, we can get it done. And we don't have to get everything done to get something done.
So giving yourself permission to be incremental and to get one thing done, or a few things done, or just to move forward a little bit on something, that's going to help you step out of the avoidance and step into action. And guess what? Once we're in action, a lot of times we're like, you know what? That wasn't that bad. Or even if it was really hard, sometimes we're like, that was really hard and I did it and I'm a badass.
And once we're in action, it's easier to take more action. It's easier to keep going. We get momentum and we prove to ourselves that we can do things, whether we prove that we're doing hard things or whether the things turn out to be easier. And from that headspace, I think it's just so much easier to keep going.
So to sum that up, when you're in avoidance, figuring out a way just to get started is so helpful. And the key ways that I see to do this are looking at the thoughts you're having about the thing you're avoiding. And if they're unhelpful, choosing more helpful thoughts. And then the second thing is looking at what you're trying to accomplish. And if you're trying to accomplish like 58 different things, picking just one thing to accomplish and starting there and just doing it. Versus focusing on all the various pieces.
And here's the thing, I like to strategize and optimize as much as the next person and I want to pick the most useful thing to do first. And sometimes I'm able to, but sometimes we don't know what will be most useful. And in that case just picking anything and getting started can be so helpful.
Because guess what? Sometimes you're going to pick something and you're going to get started and then later you're going to be like, that was not the ideal thing to do first. But guess how you get that knowledge. You get that knowledge by picking something, doing it, and then evaluating. And a lot of times people who know how to do things really effectively, they've learned that by doing them.
Yeah, sometimes you can learn by book knowledge and book knowledge is great. And I'm a total book person and I love that shit. And also, there's a lot that can be learned just by doing. There's a lot that can be learned by being willing to do things wrong, or not the best way. And that knowledge, once you have it, you have it. But in order to get it, you got to do something, right?
And so, again, the things that block us from doing something are usually we're trying to do too many somethings, or we're trying to do something while having shitty thoughts about it. So choose some thoughts that feel good to you and that help you show up to this thing you're trying to do. And then just pick a little bit of it to show up to and do.
And then, as always, praise the shit out of yourself. When you want yourself to do more of something, you’ve got to praise yourself for that. You’ve got to show yourself that that's something that you value and that that's something that when you do it, you're going to be proud of yourself.
Because if you do it and then shit all over yourself about how it's not enough or it wasn't hard so you shouldn't have avoided it, that's going to make you feel bad. And that's going to create that associative connection between doing shit and feeling bad. And then of course you're not going to want to do anything. Of course you're going to want to avoid everything, it makes total sense.
So let's set your brain up for success. Choose some helpful thoughts, choose some small, discrete steps to get started on. And then give yourself a fuckload of credit. You're doing a great job. As we talked about last week, even if you are avoiding some stuff and even if you're not where you want to be, you've come so far. You're doing great, just keep going.
All right y'all, that's what I have for you this week. If you want some one on one help with the stuff we talk about on this podcasts come sign up for a consult call with me. We can have a conversation about what's going on for you and what you would like coaching to help you create. And if you're excited to do group coaching instead, like I said, head on over to my website and sign up for the Satisfied As Fuck wait list and we'll talk about working together in six months.
All right y'all, have a great day. Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
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94. Whole Brain Living
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