188. You’re Worth Your Own Effort
Getting what you want isn’t always easy.
Landing a new job, paying down debt, dating to find a partner - these things can be difficult.
As much as you desire the outcome, you may find yourself putting off the necessary steps.
Maybe you don’t want to spend your precious time doing boring, unenjoyable tasks.
Maybe you’re afraid it won’t work, so you don’t want to try.
Maybe you’re too busy taking care of everyone else, and you’re struggling to carve out time to take action towards your own goals.
If you have a goal, but you’re not taking action towards it, this week’s episode of Satisfied AF will help.
I’ll introduce you to a new way to think about working towards your goals, one that will have you excited to start taking action towards your goals, whatever they may be.
Remember, it’s never too late to start working on a goal. You can’t go back and start when you first had the idea. But you can do the next best thing and get started right now.
Want customized support creating your wildly delicious life? Let’s hop on a free consultation call.
I’ll help you understand the blockers you’re facing and how to handle them moving forward. And I’ll share how a three-month 1:1 coaching package could supercharge your progress as well as your satisfaction.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
Common reasons you don’t take actions towards your goals, even things you really want.
Why you might treat yourself like an annoying inconvenience and what you can do instead.
How your socialization might be blocking you from treating yourself with kindness and high regard.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about who is worth your effort, and spoiler alert, the answer is you.
The Satisfied AF podcast is the place to learn how to create a life and career that’s wildly delicious. Want a steamier sex life? We’ve got you. Want a more satisfying career? We’ll cover that too. And you can be sure we’ll spend lots of time talking about how to build connected, fun relationships that can handle life’s ups and downs. No matter what goals you’re working on, this show will help you create a one of a kind life that is just right for you. Join me, life and career coach Kori Linn and each week I’ll give you lots of practical tips, tools, and proven strategies to help you create all the satisfaction your heart desires.
Hello, hello, hello, happy Wednesday. I hope you’re having a gorgeous day. It is getting hot over here in Sacramento, but we kind of like that. We moved here for the sun, after all. It feels like it’s been a while since I’ve talked to y’all because even though the podcast comes out every week, sometimes I record some episodes in advance.
And I did that because I was going to be out of town for my birthday. And then Alex had surgery last week, which went really well. So that’s really good, but it kind of means I feel like I haven’t talked to you in a while. And so I’m excited to be here today and have a conversation with you that I think is so important and will be so helpful for you.
So what we’re talking about today is the idea that you’re worth your own effort. And that might sound really obvious, but something I see again and again when I coach others, and also in myself, is sometimes people don’t want to make an effort or don’t want to do things that would create the outcomes they want. And again, I see this in myself too.
Here’s a really silly, basic example. Sometimes I’ll be sitting downstairs on the couch and I’ll want something from upstairs, but I will not want to get up off the couch, climb up all of those stairs, we have a lot of them, and get the thing and then go back.
Or this happens sometimes when I’m doing my little kind of physical therapy workout that I do most days. I’ll be like on the floor, right? Like maybe doing, I don’t know, side planks or on my forearm or something like that. And I’ll be thirsty, I’ll want some water, but the water is not within arm’s reach. It’s probably up high, like on a counter or a tabletop. And sometimes I’m like, ugh, it’s not worth it, right? It’s like not worth it to get up and go get that thing.
And I think those are like the small basic ways this happens. But of course this plays out in really big ways too. Like maybe you’re in a job that you do not want to be in anymore, but you’re like, ugh, the effort of redoing my resume and adding all of my new accomplishments and updating it. And then also editing it for each specific job I’m applying to. Or maybe you want to have new friends, but the effort of going on Bumble BFF or putting yourself out there or even texting the people that you kind of are casually acquainted with feels like too much.
And I think this happens a lot for people also, like when they want to change a habit, right? It’s like they have a new habit that they want to do. Maybe you’re trying to start having a daily walk, but the idea of getting up from your chair at your desk or getting up from the couch to go outside, you’re like, ugh, I’ve got to put shoes on, I maybe need sunscreen.
I don’t know about y’all, but my brain’s always like, oh, sunscreen. I can’t possibly put on sunscreen. It’s like, I take my walk early in the morning. I put sunscreen on my face, but honestly, secret, when I lived in Seattle I’m pretty sure I didn’t put sunscreen on my face on a daily basis for like 10 years. So that’s not great for your skin and I do not recommend doing that.
But that’s the kind of thing, right? Of like, ugh, that would be effort or like, ugh, I just don’t want to. Or like we want the outcome, but it’s really hard sometimes to get ourselves to do the thing.
And I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I’ve been thinking a lot about like, why is that? And how do we turn that around? And something I’ve realized, both through my internal self-coaching and the writing I do and talking to people and also through what clients and friends and other people say, is I think sometimes we’re like, oh, it’s not worth the effort.
And it’s interesting because for a lot of people, especially a lot of women or people socialized as women, they’ll do all kinds of effort for other people, right? It’s like the effort people will do for their children. The effort people will do for their significant others. The effort people will do for their parents, for their friends.
Like when friends come and visit me, I’m just like, oh, sit down. Do you want me to make you a coffee? I can get you a snack. It’s funny because my bestie is like, please sit down. I’m not a guest. Like I am just a person, stop waiting on me. And I’m like, oh, right?
But when it comes to ourselves, why don’t we bring that same devotion? Why don’t we bring that same commitment? Why don’t we bring that same delight in caring for someone? And so that’s something I’ve been working on. A project I’ve been working on in my own life recently is treating myself with the kind of care that I would treat my bestie with.
And I chose my bestie because I don’t see her very often. We don’t live in the same city. We haven’t lived in the same city for decades. And she lived in China for a while, so there was a long period of time where we didn’t even live on the same continent, right? And so when I would see her, I would just kind of be pretty over the top.
And I was like, what if I could bring that energy to my relationship with myself? I’m like, oh, you know what? You want a water? I’d be happy to hop up and get that for you. Oh, you want something from upstairs? Let me go get that for you. Oh, you really want something from the grocery store? You know what? It’s not a problem, I can run over to the grocery store and just grab it. I can pick it up.
And it’s been really kind of life-changing in both subtle and dramatic ways. And I think it could be life-changing for you as well to treat yourself like a precious person who is a hundred thousand percent worth both that little quotidian effort of like hopping up to get something from upstairs, but also the massive giant effort of longer term goals, bigger projects, building habits, all of these things.
Getting what you want isn’t always easy. If you want to land a new job, if you want to pay down debt, if you’re dating to find a partner, these things can be really difficult. And you wouldn’t be alone if you find yourself putting them off. You wouldn’t be alone if you find yourself not wanting to spend your precious time doing what are often boring, unenjoyable steps. But then you also don’t have the benefit of being treated as precious and having someone really be willing to put the effort in, to go all in, to go to town for you and your goals.
And so it’s interesting because I think for a lot of us, like no one’s ever treated us like that. No one’s ever loved us like that. And so for a lot of us, we don’t have a model. And I think even a lot of us growing up, we saw people kind of be self-deprecating, make fun of themselves. And there’s nothing wrong with being a little light in how you see yourself. I can be like that too. But I think it can be so powerful to have this frame of like, I love you to yourself, right?
This is me saying it to me. You saying it to you. I love you so much, I will do that labor. I love you so much, I will hop up off the couch. I love you so much, I’m going to get you some water because you’re thirsty. And that’s like such a small thing and it’s worth the tiny incremental, little smidgen of effort it takes me to get up off the floor.
I love you so much I’m going to do the physical therapy activities, even though I don’t enjoy them. They at worst really, really upset me and at best sort of just bore me, right? But I’m going to do them and I’m going to do them because I want you, self, to not have knee pain. That’s what I’m doing them for. It might be a different thing for you.
So why don’t people do this? Why don’t we treat ourselves like we’re a precious person we love? I think there’s a lot of reasons we don’t do this. And I think there’s an interesting thing here. There’s this phrase I hear sometimes about like, if you do the hard thing up front, you can have the easy thing later. But a lot of times, if you don’t do the hard thing, if you have the easy thing up front, then you have the hard thing later. I think this is often in reference to conflict, right?
It’s like, if you don’t have the smaller conflict when it’s hard, but you can do it, you choose the easy path of not having the conflict. Then you’re probably going to have a bigger conflict to deal with later. Whereas when you choose the conflict, then you can have a lot more ease and connection in the relationship later. And I think this is the same.
I think sometimes it’s just hard for us to think about those outcomes. And so in the moment we’re like, I just don’t want to get up off the couch. I don’t want to get up off the floor to get a glass of water. I don’t want to get down on the floor to do the PT exercises. It’s just like, I don’t want to. And I get that because I have that too. I have it in a lot of ways.
And a lot of my self-coaching with myself has been figuring out how to get myself to do the things that I want to have done, but I don’t always want to do when it’s time to do them. But I think sometimes it’s just because we have a short-term frame versus a long-term frame.
So I do think that’s one of the reasons this happens is like, we’re like in the moment I don’t want to versus like, okay, but what do I want to be available for my future self? How am I going to love my future self? How am I going to set her up for success?
This is a frame that I use anytime I am going to go grocery shopping. It’s like, well, I love tomorrow Kori so much, I want her to have the food in the fridge to make breakfast. I love next weekend Kori so much, I want her to have the things she needs to be successful. That keeps me doing things, even when in the moment Kori is like, I don’t want to do it.
But I think another thing that’s going on here is just like a lot of us do not have the belief that our self is precious. And I think that is kind of a more interesting one to talk about on today’s podcast, because we talk about in the moment versus the long-term future, we talk about that thing from time to time on the podcast. So that’s not really a new idea here.
But when was the last time you thought to yourself like, wow, I’m so precious. I’m like worth this effort. Has that thought ever occurred to you? Has it literally ever popped in your mind that you are so important, you’re so valuable, you matter so much of course it makes sense that I will do this effort for you. Of course I’ll put you to bed at a reasonable hour where you can get eight hours of sleep.
Of course we’ll get up in time so that you have time to take your time and have a leisurely morning and have a cup of tea and take a walk. Like, oh, I love you so much, of course I’m going to invest in my retirement account because you’re precious and I want to take care of you and I want to have assets and resources available for you.
Yes, now in this moment, and we’re going to experience pleasure and have good food and have a nice drink and go on fun trips. But we’re going to not do that at the expense of the long-term because you’re too precious to me for me to screw over later by making choices now that would put you in a bad position for later.
So I think for a lot of us, this is probably a very uncomfortable idea. It’s probably very alien. And I think there can almost be a way that this can be just like, I’m a life coach, life and career coach, I am aware that this can sound very like life coach-y. Like, oh, what are you going to do with your one wild and precious life? That’s actually a Mary Oliver quote, by the way. And her poetry is wonderful, so check that out.
But what I’m saying is I think that this topic can sound a little like cliché almost, but I think it’s actually really profound. I think it’s actually really life-changing to build a relationship with yourself based on the idea that you are precious and you deserve effort and you deserve and are worth undergoing hard work and undergoing some inconveniences.
There’s a whole thing too with like in dating when we’re like, oh – And I think this is definitely a way that women are socialized versus men, where it’s like, we don’t want to be too much, and we don’t want to be too needy, and we don’t want to be this and we don’t want to be that. Versus like flipping that 100% and being like, wow, you’re incredible. I just want to be around you. Of course, I’ll hop up and get this thing for you because you are precious to me and I’m going to treat you like you’re precious rather than treating you like you’re an inconvenience.
I think for a lot of people, the relationship they have with themselves is treating themself like an annoying inconvenience. And I think that is a very painful, uncomfortable, unsatisfying, unsettling way to live. And it’s interesting because I think when people get into that headspace, first of all, they don’t go after their goals, right? Because like if you’re an annoying inconvenience, you’re like, oh yeah, you want to write a novel, but we never do write a novel. We’re not going to sit down and do that.
So it pushes you further away from the things that you want. But also I think people get into this thing where they’re like, well, if I could write the novel, then I would feel good about myself, right? So like then the novel kind of becomes like the symbol of self-worth versus like you are worthy and precious just because.
If you want to write a novel, you’re worthy and precious enough that I’ll do that effort. But you’re going to be worthy and precious whether we write the novel or not, because the worthiness and the preciousness is in you. And then anything else we’re doing is an expression of love or an expression of creativity or an expression of delight or an expression of will for what you want to make and do and be in the world.
Whereas what I see so often with people is they know that they need things. They’re annoyed. It feels inconvenient. They don’t want to do them. And then they also become very attached to dreams and goals because they think that’s when they’ll get to feel better. But the way you actually feel better is by building a relationship with yourself that is loving, that is kind, and in which you treat yourself with dignity.
And I think one element of doing that is treating yourself like you’re precious and treating yourself like you’re worth your own effort. Because the thing is, most of the things you want in life are going to require effort, even just the basic upkeep of life, of a human body, of having a roof over your head, of laundry, of getting the groceries and then turning the groceries into food.
That is all effort. And so you can be totally annoyed by that effort. You can struggle to get yourself to do the effort, maybe barely get yourself to do it, maybe not get yourself to do it at all and feel really bad about yourself. Or you can choose to believe that you’re precious and you’re worth all of that and you’re worth caring for.
And then you can do that caring work. And honestly, it’s a lot more enjoyable to do the caring work when you’re like, yeah, you’re precious to me, saying it to yourself, right?
So if I’m sitting on the couch and I’m like, oh, I want this thing from upstairs, I can either be like, ugh, I can’t believe I have to go upstairs, which, listen, sometimes I’m still like that. I’m just a human person over here having some big and interesting ideas about how to live a more delicious life. But what I have found is that when I’m like, you know what, babe, I got you, I got you. It feels better to say, you know what, babe, I got you. And it feels better to receive, you know what, babe, I’ve got you.
And that is the kind of relationship I want to build with myself. And what I want to say to you is like, what would become possible for you in your career, in your relationships, in your habits, in your hobbies, if you could bring even a smidgen of that kind of attitude towards yourself and towards the effort that it takes for you to, first of all, just live on the day to day, but second of all, for you to move forward from where you are towards your goals?
And how much more enjoyable would it be to live and do effort from the headspace of, wow, you’re precious to me, than from like, oh my fucking God, here’s some more effort that has to be done just to continue on with the very basic business of staying alive. And I’m going to let you in on a little secret too, if this sounds cheesy to you, that’s okay. It honestly sounds cheesy to me, and it’s my idea. It’s my podcast episode.
But what I want to invite you to consider is not like, does it feel cheesy? Does it sound cringe? But what would my life feel like if I could live it that way? Because sometimes the things that sound the most cringe, the most cheesy will actually give you the most freedom, the most delight, the most joy, the most satisfaction and the biggest success. And that’s what it’s all about, right?
So these are the kinds of things we talk about when you work together with me one-on-one. And it’s not always this theoretical, but a thing that comes up with a lot of people is being kind to themselves and treating themselves with love and seeing how much more enjoyable life is when you are kind to yourself and when you treat yourself with love.
And that when you can allow yourself to be a precious person you love and are devoted to, how much easier it is actually to pursue and follow through on your goals and how much better of relationships you have with other people. Because it’s actually kind of hard to have a deep, loving, connective relationship with someone else if you are treating yourself poorly because they’re in a relationship with you, they like you, they love you. It can be really hard for them to see you treat yourself like that.
And it can be really hard to establish depth of a relationship with another when you’re treating yourself like that, because actually the people who are closest to us, we usually treat them however we treat ourselves. So if you treat yourself like an annoying inconvenience, you’ll probably treat your loved ones like that too. Not on purpose, not because you’re a bad person. You’re not a bad person. You’re a wonderful, worthy, precious person who has learned some patterns and behaviors that probably aren’t doing so well for you.
So if you have this, you can see this in your own life, in your own relationships, in how you show up in your career or anything else, your goals, and you want some customized help with lots of fun and support along the way, I can help you with that.
This is the kind of stuff we work on when we set boundaries at work, when we go after new roles, when we launch businesses, no matter what kind of goal you want to achieve through coaching together, this element that we’re talking about today of treating yourself like you’re someone who’s worth your effort and being in a relationship with yourself where you treat yourself like you’re precious, that’s probably going to be a component of it.
And I do have room for new one-on-one clients. If you would like to have a conversation about becoming one of them, you can go to KoriLinn.com/consult and sign up for a free call where we’ll just have a conversation about what it would be like to work together.
And you’re going to leave that conversation feeling so much better, like so much more of what you want as possible, whether we work together or not. But I hope we do work together because my clients have really fun time with me and they say wonderful things about working with me and how effective it is, how helpful it is, how much it changes the things that they came to work on, whatever their goals are, but also just the fabric of their day-to-day lives.
And I would love for you to have the gift of that. And do you know why? It’s because you’re precious and you’re worth the effort. All right, that’s what I have for you. I will talk to you next time, bye.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Satisfied AF. If you are ready to create a wildly delicious life and have way more fun than you ever thought possible, visit www.korilinn.com to see how I can help. See you next week.
The Satisfied AF podcast is the place to learn how to create a life and career that’s wildly delicious. Want a steamier sex life? We’ve got you. Want a more satisfying career? We’ll cover that too. And you can be sure we’ll spend lots of time talking about how to build connected, fun relationships that can handle life’s ups and downs. No matter what goals you’re working on, this show will help you create a one of a kind life that is just right for you. Join me, life and career coach Kori Linn and each week I’ll give you lots of practical tips, tools, and proven strategies to help you create all the satisfaction your heart desires.
Hello, hello, hello, happy Wednesday. I hope you’re having a gorgeous day. It is getting hot over here in Sacramento, but we kind of like that. We moved here for the sun, after all. It feels like it’s been a while since I’ve talked to y’all because even though the podcast comes out every week, sometimes I record some episodes in advance.
And I did that because I was going to be out of town for my birthday. And then Alex had surgery last week, which went really well. So that’s really good, but it kind of means I feel like I haven’t talked to you in a while. And so I’m excited to be here today and have a conversation with you that I think is so important and will be so helpful for you.
So what we’re talking about today is the idea that you’re worth your own effort. And that might sound really obvious, but something I see again and again when I coach others, and also in myself, is sometimes people don’t want to make an effort or don’t want to do things that would create the outcomes they want. And again, I see this in myself too.
Here’s a really silly, basic example. Sometimes I’ll be sitting downstairs on the couch and I’ll want something from upstairs, but I will not want to get up off the couch, climb up all of those stairs, we have a lot of them, and get the thing and then go back.
Or this happens sometimes when I’m doing my little kind of physical therapy workout that I do most days. I’ll be like on the floor, right? Like maybe doing, I don’t know, side planks or on my forearm or something like that. And I’ll be thirsty, I’ll want some water, but the water is not within arm’s reach. It’s probably up high, like on a counter or a tabletop. And sometimes I’m like, ugh, it’s not worth it, right? It’s like not worth it to get up and go get that thing.
And I think those are like the small basic ways this happens. But of course this plays out in really big ways too. Like maybe you’re in a job that you do not want to be in anymore, but you’re like, ugh, the effort of redoing my resume and adding all of my new accomplishments and updating it. And then also editing it for each specific job I’m applying to. Or maybe you want to have new friends, but the effort of going on Bumble BFF or putting yourself out there or even texting the people that you kind of are casually acquainted with feels like too much.
And I think this happens a lot for people also, like when they want to change a habit, right? It’s like they have a new habit that they want to do. Maybe you’re trying to start having a daily walk, but the idea of getting up from your chair at your desk or getting up from the couch to go outside, you’re like, ugh, I’ve got to put shoes on, I maybe need sunscreen.
I don’t know about y’all, but my brain’s always like, oh, sunscreen. I can’t possibly put on sunscreen. It’s like, I take my walk early in the morning. I put sunscreen on my face, but honestly, secret, when I lived in Seattle I’m pretty sure I didn’t put sunscreen on my face on a daily basis for like 10 years. So that’s not great for your skin and I do not recommend doing that.
But that’s the kind of thing, right? Of like, ugh, that would be effort or like, ugh, I just don’t want to. Or like we want the outcome, but it’s really hard sometimes to get ourselves to do the thing.
And I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I’ve been thinking a lot about like, why is that? And how do we turn that around? And something I’ve realized, both through my internal self-coaching and the writing I do and talking to people and also through what clients and friends and other people say, is I think sometimes we’re like, oh, it’s not worth the effort.
And it’s interesting because for a lot of people, especially a lot of women or people socialized as women, they’ll do all kinds of effort for other people, right? It’s like the effort people will do for their children. The effort people will do for their significant others. The effort people will do for their parents, for their friends.
Like when friends come and visit me, I’m just like, oh, sit down. Do you want me to make you a coffee? I can get you a snack. It’s funny because my bestie is like, please sit down. I’m not a guest. Like I am just a person, stop waiting on me. And I’m like, oh, right?
But when it comes to ourselves, why don’t we bring that same devotion? Why don’t we bring that same commitment? Why don’t we bring that same delight in caring for someone? And so that’s something I’ve been working on. A project I’ve been working on in my own life recently is treating myself with the kind of care that I would treat my bestie with.
And I chose my bestie because I don’t see her very often. We don’t live in the same city. We haven’t lived in the same city for decades. And she lived in China for a while, so there was a long period of time where we didn’t even live on the same continent, right? And so when I would see her, I would just kind of be pretty over the top.
And I was like, what if I could bring that energy to my relationship with myself? I’m like, oh, you know what? You want a water? I’d be happy to hop up and get that for you. Oh, you want something from upstairs? Let me go get that for you. Oh, you really want something from the grocery store? You know what? It’s not a problem, I can run over to the grocery store and just grab it. I can pick it up.
And it’s been really kind of life-changing in both subtle and dramatic ways. And I think it could be life-changing for you as well to treat yourself like a precious person who is a hundred thousand percent worth both that little quotidian effort of like hopping up to get something from upstairs, but also the massive giant effort of longer term goals, bigger projects, building habits, all of these things.
Getting what you want isn’t always easy. If you want to land a new job, if you want to pay down debt, if you’re dating to find a partner, these things can be really difficult. And you wouldn’t be alone if you find yourself putting them off. You wouldn’t be alone if you find yourself not wanting to spend your precious time doing what are often boring, unenjoyable steps. But then you also don’t have the benefit of being treated as precious and having someone really be willing to put the effort in, to go all in, to go to town for you and your goals.
And so it’s interesting because I think for a lot of us, like no one’s ever treated us like that. No one’s ever loved us like that. And so for a lot of us, we don’t have a model. And I think even a lot of us growing up, we saw people kind of be self-deprecating, make fun of themselves. And there’s nothing wrong with being a little light in how you see yourself. I can be like that too. But I think it can be so powerful to have this frame of like, I love you to yourself, right?
This is me saying it to me. You saying it to you. I love you so much, I will do that labor. I love you so much, I will hop up off the couch. I love you so much, I’m going to get you some water because you’re thirsty. And that’s like such a small thing and it’s worth the tiny incremental, little smidgen of effort it takes me to get up off the floor.
I love you so much I’m going to do the physical therapy activities, even though I don’t enjoy them. They at worst really, really upset me and at best sort of just bore me, right? But I’m going to do them and I’m going to do them because I want you, self, to not have knee pain. That’s what I’m doing them for. It might be a different thing for you.
So why don’t people do this? Why don’t we treat ourselves like we’re a precious person we love? I think there’s a lot of reasons we don’t do this. And I think there’s an interesting thing here. There’s this phrase I hear sometimes about like, if you do the hard thing up front, you can have the easy thing later. But a lot of times, if you don’t do the hard thing, if you have the easy thing up front, then you have the hard thing later. I think this is often in reference to conflict, right?
It’s like, if you don’t have the smaller conflict when it’s hard, but you can do it, you choose the easy path of not having the conflict. Then you’re probably going to have a bigger conflict to deal with later. Whereas when you choose the conflict, then you can have a lot more ease and connection in the relationship later. And I think this is the same.
I think sometimes it’s just hard for us to think about those outcomes. And so in the moment we’re like, I just don’t want to get up off the couch. I don’t want to get up off the floor to get a glass of water. I don’t want to get down on the floor to do the PT exercises. It’s just like, I don’t want to. And I get that because I have that too. I have it in a lot of ways.
And a lot of my self-coaching with myself has been figuring out how to get myself to do the things that I want to have done, but I don’t always want to do when it’s time to do them. But I think sometimes it’s just because we have a short-term frame versus a long-term frame.
So I do think that’s one of the reasons this happens is like, we’re like in the moment I don’t want to versus like, okay, but what do I want to be available for my future self? How am I going to love my future self? How am I going to set her up for success?
This is a frame that I use anytime I am going to go grocery shopping. It’s like, well, I love tomorrow Kori so much, I want her to have the food in the fridge to make breakfast. I love next weekend Kori so much, I want her to have the things she needs to be successful. That keeps me doing things, even when in the moment Kori is like, I don’t want to do it.
But I think another thing that’s going on here is just like a lot of us do not have the belief that our self is precious. And I think that is kind of a more interesting one to talk about on today’s podcast, because we talk about in the moment versus the long-term future, we talk about that thing from time to time on the podcast. So that’s not really a new idea here.
But when was the last time you thought to yourself like, wow, I’m so precious. I’m like worth this effort. Has that thought ever occurred to you? Has it literally ever popped in your mind that you are so important, you’re so valuable, you matter so much of course it makes sense that I will do this effort for you. Of course I’ll put you to bed at a reasonable hour where you can get eight hours of sleep.
Of course we’ll get up in time so that you have time to take your time and have a leisurely morning and have a cup of tea and take a walk. Like, oh, I love you so much, of course I’m going to invest in my retirement account because you’re precious and I want to take care of you and I want to have assets and resources available for you.
Yes, now in this moment, and we’re going to experience pleasure and have good food and have a nice drink and go on fun trips. But we’re going to not do that at the expense of the long-term because you’re too precious to me for me to screw over later by making choices now that would put you in a bad position for later.
So I think for a lot of us, this is probably a very uncomfortable idea. It’s probably very alien. And I think there can almost be a way that this can be just like, I’m a life coach, life and career coach, I am aware that this can sound very like life coach-y. Like, oh, what are you going to do with your one wild and precious life? That’s actually a Mary Oliver quote, by the way. And her poetry is wonderful, so check that out.
But what I’m saying is I think that this topic can sound a little like cliché almost, but I think it’s actually really profound. I think it’s actually really life-changing to build a relationship with yourself based on the idea that you are precious and you deserve effort and you deserve and are worth undergoing hard work and undergoing some inconveniences.
There’s a whole thing too with like in dating when we’re like, oh – And I think this is definitely a way that women are socialized versus men, where it’s like, we don’t want to be too much, and we don’t want to be too needy, and we don’t want to be this and we don’t want to be that. Versus like flipping that 100% and being like, wow, you’re incredible. I just want to be around you. Of course, I’ll hop up and get this thing for you because you are precious to me and I’m going to treat you like you’re precious rather than treating you like you’re an inconvenience.
I think for a lot of people, the relationship they have with themselves is treating themself like an annoying inconvenience. And I think that is a very painful, uncomfortable, unsatisfying, unsettling way to live. And it’s interesting because I think when people get into that headspace, first of all, they don’t go after their goals, right? Because like if you’re an annoying inconvenience, you’re like, oh yeah, you want to write a novel, but we never do write a novel. We’re not going to sit down and do that.
So it pushes you further away from the things that you want. But also I think people get into this thing where they’re like, well, if I could write the novel, then I would feel good about myself, right? So like then the novel kind of becomes like the symbol of self-worth versus like you are worthy and precious just because.
If you want to write a novel, you’re worthy and precious enough that I’ll do that effort. But you’re going to be worthy and precious whether we write the novel or not, because the worthiness and the preciousness is in you. And then anything else we’re doing is an expression of love or an expression of creativity or an expression of delight or an expression of will for what you want to make and do and be in the world.
Whereas what I see so often with people is they know that they need things. They’re annoyed. It feels inconvenient. They don’t want to do them. And then they also become very attached to dreams and goals because they think that’s when they’ll get to feel better. But the way you actually feel better is by building a relationship with yourself that is loving, that is kind, and in which you treat yourself with dignity.
And I think one element of doing that is treating yourself like you’re precious and treating yourself like you’re worth your own effort. Because the thing is, most of the things you want in life are going to require effort, even just the basic upkeep of life, of a human body, of having a roof over your head, of laundry, of getting the groceries and then turning the groceries into food.
That is all effort. And so you can be totally annoyed by that effort. You can struggle to get yourself to do the effort, maybe barely get yourself to do it, maybe not get yourself to do it at all and feel really bad about yourself. Or you can choose to believe that you’re precious and you’re worth all of that and you’re worth caring for.
And then you can do that caring work. And honestly, it’s a lot more enjoyable to do the caring work when you’re like, yeah, you’re precious to me, saying it to yourself, right?
So if I’m sitting on the couch and I’m like, oh, I want this thing from upstairs, I can either be like, ugh, I can’t believe I have to go upstairs, which, listen, sometimes I’m still like that. I’m just a human person over here having some big and interesting ideas about how to live a more delicious life. But what I have found is that when I’m like, you know what, babe, I got you, I got you. It feels better to say, you know what, babe, I got you. And it feels better to receive, you know what, babe, I’ve got you.
And that is the kind of relationship I want to build with myself. And what I want to say to you is like, what would become possible for you in your career, in your relationships, in your habits, in your hobbies, if you could bring even a smidgen of that kind of attitude towards yourself and towards the effort that it takes for you to, first of all, just live on the day to day, but second of all, for you to move forward from where you are towards your goals?
And how much more enjoyable would it be to live and do effort from the headspace of, wow, you’re precious to me, than from like, oh my fucking God, here’s some more effort that has to be done just to continue on with the very basic business of staying alive. And I’m going to let you in on a little secret too, if this sounds cheesy to you, that’s okay. It honestly sounds cheesy to me, and it’s my idea. It’s my podcast episode.
But what I want to invite you to consider is not like, does it feel cheesy? Does it sound cringe? But what would my life feel like if I could live it that way? Because sometimes the things that sound the most cringe, the most cheesy will actually give you the most freedom, the most delight, the most joy, the most satisfaction and the biggest success. And that’s what it’s all about, right?
So these are the kinds of things we talk about when you work together with me one-on-one. And it’s not always this theoretical, but a thing that comes up with a lot of people is being kind to themselves and treating themselves with love and seeing how much more enjoyable life is when you are kind to yourself and when you treat yourself with love.
And that when you can allow yourself to be a precious person you love and are devoted to, how much easier it is actually to pursue and follow through on your goals and how much better of relationships you have with other people. Because it’s actually kind of hard to have a deep, loving, connective relationship with someone else if you are treating yourself poorly because they’re in a relationship with you, they like you, they love you. It can be really hard for them to see you treat yourself like that.
And it can be really hard to establish depth of a relationship with another when you’re treating yourself like that, because actually the people who are closest to us, we usually treat them however we treat ourselves. So if you treat yourself like an annoying inconvenience, you’ll probably treat your loved ones like that too. Not on purpose, not because you’re a bad person. You’re not a bad person. You’re a wonderful, worthy, precious person who has learned some patterns and behaviors that probably aren’t doing so well for you.
So if you have this, you can see this in your own life, in your own relationships, in how you show up in your career or anything else, your goals, and you want some customized help with lots of fun and support along the way, I can help you with that.
This is the kind of stuff we work on when we set boundaries at work, when we go after new roles, when we launch businesses, no matter what kind of goal you want to achieve through coaching together, this element that we’re talking about today of treating yourself like you’re someone who’s worth your effort and being in a relationship with yourself where you treat yourself like you’re precious, that’s probably going to be a component of it.
And I do have room for new one-on-one clients. If you would like to have a conversation about becoming one of them, you can go to KoriLinn.com/consult and sign up for a free call where we’ll just have a conversation about what it would be like to work together.
And you’re going to leave that conversation feeling so much better, like so much more of what you want as possible, whether we work together or not. But I hope we do work together because my clients have really fun time with me and they say wonderful things about working with me and how effective it is, how helpful it is, how much it changes the things that they came to work on, whatever their goals are, but also just the fabric of their day-to-day lives.
And I would love for you to have the gift of that. And do you know why? It’s because you’re precious and you’re worth the effort. All right, that’s what I have for you. I will talk to you next time, bye.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Satisfied AF. If you are ready to create a wildly delicious life and have way more fun than you ever thought possible, visit www.korilinn.com to see how I can help. See you next week.
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