114. Marvelous Things Happen All the Time
Life is not all daydreams and unicorns.
There’s lots of hard shit happening all the time, all around us.
People are suffering.
You are suffering.
Even during the holiday season.
(Or maybe especially during the holiday season.)
And yet…
Marvelous things are also always unfolding, all around us.
Things are going right.
And sometimes you don’t even notice what’s going right, what’s delightful, because your brain is caught up with all the terrible shit.
That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person (you’re not).
It’s part of having a human brain.
But also - it can be pretty fun and honestly downright exhilarating to spend some time focusing on all the ways things are working out and going to according to plan (or even better than the plan).
Choosing to notice what’s going well, choosing to marvel at the good things in life, may not come naturally.
But you can teach yourself to do it.
You can cultivate the belief that marvelous things are happening all the time.
And when you do, you’ll begin to see them.
Everywhere.
And you’ll begin to think about what marvelous things you want to create for yourself and how to create them.
(Vs getting stuck on how they’re not possible.)
When you shift into the belief that marvelous things happen all the time, your life tranforms.
In small ways, and in big ways too.
Things that used to feel mundane begin to feel like miracles.
Things that used to seem impossible begin to seem doable.
(If planes can fly and land and not coming crashing down to earth most of the time, what are you truly capable of? Probably a lot more than whatever you’ve been allowing yourself to believe.)
It all starts with being willing to see the marvels all around you.
This week, find out how to cultivate this skill for yourself, how to make it work for you, and some of the marvelous results that can come from it.
If you want to supercharge your capacity to create a life that blows your mind, I have some one-on-one coaching slots opening up soon. Send me an email and let's talk about it or click here to schedule a call with me and we’ll see if we’re a good fit to start working together!
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WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
What confirmation bias and negativity bias are.
Why I am training my brain to believe that marvelous things happen all the time.
3 things that believing this thought will set you up for.
The difference between being open to marvelous things and creating them.
Why I love the word “marvelous” for this thought.
How to do this work with the support of a community.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y’all, happy, happy final Wednesday of the year. I’m so excited to close out 2022 with you and so excited to be in 2023 with you in just a few days. I seriously cannot believe that 2022 is coming to an end already. I feel like all year long I never even adjusted to the idea that it is 2022, and now it’s over. And pretty soon it’s going to be 2023 which just feels like the future, I don’t know.
Anyways, this week I wanted to talk to you about the idea that like marvelous things are happening all the time all around you. And the reason that I want to talk about this is because we have a bias as humans that we find evidence of what we believe in. This is called confirmation bias and I’ve talked about it before. And one of my current thoughts that I’m practicing is, like I basically just said, marvelous things happen all the time.
I made myself a phone background that says it and I’m just like really tickled with this thought. And part of what I’m doing with this thought is I’m setting my brain up to see and notice the marvelous things that are happening all around me all the time.
And I’m also setting my brain up to feel comfortable with the idea of marvelous things happening. And then on top of that I’m also setting myself up to create marvelous things in my life, in my day, in my business, in my friendships, in my relationship with Alex, everywhere.
And so how that works is like this, human brains in addition to having confirmation bias also have a negativity bias, so they look for what’s not working. A common way this is explained is that they’re like Teflon for good things and Velcro for bad things.
The human brain will just remember a lot more strongly the things that aren’t working. And this is something that’s been talked about a lot, so you probably know about it. But I like to think and talk a lot about how we can build our brains to work in the opposite direction.
Now, obviously, noticing what’s not working also has some important features, right? Like if a bus is coming, we want to jump out of the way of it. If something’s not working in one of our relationships, we probably want to address it. And I teach tools on the podcast all the time for like how to have conflict conversations, how to ask for what you want, how to navigate these things with other people.
But I also want to set your beautiful brain up for noticing all the marvelous things that are happening all around you all the time. And for being comfortable with marvelous things happening and then for creating more marvelous things in your life. And so let’s go through those one by one.
So there’s this idea that like we’re all surrounded by miracles that are sort of unfolding all the time. I don’t actually remember where I first heard this idea, it might have been from Susan Hyatt, who I think has a teaching about like staying in the miracle. I feel though like it might have actually been in some book where it was reference to like a scientist, actually, who said something about how like you either are noticing how everything around you is a miracle, or you think nothing around you is a miracle.
Anyways, I really like to think of all the stuff that we just think is like day to day normal stuff as being marvelous, right? Like the idea that I breathe air and air is all around me. Or another idea is I remember I was reading a Christiane Northrup book once and she was talking about like if you’re on a plane and the plane lands, noticing that and like reveling in it.
And I’ve talked before about like kind of developing and cultivating appreciation for things that are going well that you sort of expect to go well. And if you’re anything like me, like I have the kind of brain where I’m very precise and very exacting, and I’m very particular, and I like things to be an exact way, I like food to taste an exact way.
Like I have gotten up from the table before because my salad is just missing something and I absolutely like have to have a crunchy element in it. And I’m like, you know, going through the cupboards like, what can I put in here? One time I put in crushed up potato chips because I think I didn’t have any nuts and so I was like, “I need a crunchy element.”
I’m very into things being precisely exactly what I want, and part of that is like I feel a lot of disappointment sometimes because a lot of times they’re not exactly what I want. But there are all these other times in life when there are these things that are working and then my brain just like sort of doesn’t notice them unless I train it to notice them.
And actually I’ve even had this come up in my relationship with Alex before where one time she was like, “You know, you teach on your podcast to notice what is working, but you seem to only notice what I don’t do right.” And you know what’s funny, y’all? She was correct. And this is a thing, right? I’m a human being just like y’all, so I can teach this idea over and over again and still have blind spots in my own life where I don't notice and appreciate what's working.
But since Alex pointed that out to me and since I spent time thinking about it and realized that she was 100% correct, I notice more of the marvelous things she does. I notice when I ask her to do something and she does it, and she does it exactly the way I wanted her to. Whereas I think a few years ago, or even a few months ago, I was like, yeah, that's how it should be.
And the thing about yeah, that's how it should be, is there's no fucking fun in that. If when things go well it's just, yeah, that's how it should be, then it doesn't feel that great. It sort of feels like, eh. And then when they don't go well, it's like, roar, right? It's like no fun at all.
And things aren't going to go well in life sometimes and I'm still going to keep my particular exacting standards, and I'm still going to try to get them met. And I also want to revel in and delight in all the marvelous things that do happen, all the little, tiny miracles that unfold around me all the time, right?
All the times that like, you know, I expect the fridge to be cold on the inside and it is. Because once in a while the power goes out, and I always notice when the power goes out and I get real annoyed about it. But what if I notice when the power is on? It's like supposed to be on and it is, what if I like take the time to notice and enjoy that?
And I don't always, and I can't always, and I think that's also fascinating because quite frankly, so much stuff is actually going right in my life so much of the time. And that doesn't mean everything, right? And I'm not trying to ignore all the things that aren't going well, both little things in our lives and big systemic things because there are a lot of those too.
But when I take time to notice and delight in the marvelous things that are happening or the things that I think should be a certain way and they are, I feel much better, and I feel much more energized. And that gives me so much more energy to go out and do the other things. And it just feels really good. So when you practice the thought marvelous things happen all the time, that is the first thing you're setting yourself up for.
The second thing you're setting yourself up for is for like new marvelous things to come into your life. Sometimes when we believe that good things don't happen for us or whatever, like our current and happiness is just the way things are, we're sort of closed off to wonderful things happening. And so when wonderful things present themselves to us, we may even be like no, or like I don't want that, or like we're suspicious of it.
So practicing the idea that marvelous things happen all the time means that if a marvelous opportunity presents itself to you, you're going to feel more willing to consider it. And I think this is super important because as humans, what is familiar feels safe to ask. And that makes sense, right? Because what's familiar didn't kill you yet because it's familiar and you're still alive.
But oftentimes what's familiar might not actually be great for us. There's a lot of stuff probably about your current life that's not 100% working for you. But given the opportunity to choose between the current stuff and some like other stuff, your brain may want to choose the current stuff over and over again, because it feels more familiar and thus more safe.
When you're willing to entertain the idea that marvelous things happen all the time, you may be willing to try some of the other stuff. Here's the thing, some of the other stuff may blow your mind in a delightful way. And some of the other stuff may not. But when you're willing to try stuff, and try stuff, and evaluate, and try stuff, and notice what's working and notice what doesn't and keep going, then I think overall you're going to get a lot more marvelous stuff in your life.
And you may get some stuff that didn't work so well, but even that stuff, like you can handle it. And some of it will be a very funny story and some of it will just be something to figure out, right? Obviously, still use your sweet, beautiful brain to decide which risks to take that makes sense for you.
But if you want your life to be different, you have to start thinking differently and making different choices. If you keep thinking the same way and making all the same choices, your life will continue to be the same way it is now. And that may be what you want, but it may not be what you want.
And I think for a lot of us, we do want more marvelousness in our lives. We want more wonder, we want more magic, we want more delight, we want more yummy, delicious satisfaction. And so in order to get that, we have to be willing to believe it's possible. And we have to be willing to try new things.
And that leads me to the third thing that I think this thought can create for you, which is when you practice the thought marvelous things happen all the time, to review, you'll notice the things in your life that already are marvelous. You'll be open to new marvelous things like coming into your life. And also you'll create more marvelousness for yourself.
And you may be wondering like what's the difference between marvelous things coming into my life and me creating more marvelous things? And I do think they're different. Me being willing to have more marvelous things come into my life is like, oh.
Recently a friend invited me to go to an event that was not a kind of event I would ever pick out for myself. And I wasn't sure if I would enjoy it, but it sounded interesting and it sounded like it could be marvelous. So I said yes to it. So that was me being open to a marvelous thing coming into my life.
Whereas me creating marvelous things, that I think is more like recently I signed up for Bumble BFF and I wrote my little profile. And I was willing to believe that I could make marvelous relationships. So one of those was like me receiving an opportunity that someone else offered, and the other one was like me going out and taking action to create something marvelous.
And to put it in the lens of work and career, noticing the marvelous things that already exist could be like noticing the things in your current work life that are already working for you and like enjoying those. And then being willing for marvelous things to happen, for you to receive the marvelous things, which was number two could be like being open to new opportunities, or being open to put on like new kinds of projects, or taking on new kinds of work, or like learning new kinds of software, doing new skills.
And then being willing to create more marvelous things could be you purposely going out and doing stuff. So not waiting for opportunities to come to you, but you deciding like, oh, I want to start going to these kind of meetups or like, I'm going to start learning to code in this language, or like I'm going to start taking on this kind of project. Like I'm not going to wait for someone to offer it to me.
Or for a lot of you I know you're interested in maybe changing industries. So it could be like, oh, I’m going to go learn this skill for this other industry. Or I know some of you are also interested in starting your own business, so it could be like, oh, I'm going to dedicate 45 minutes every Saturday to building my side hustle.
So this is like one really simple thought pattern, but I think it's the kind that can radically transform your life if you practice it in ways big and small. And let's just be clear also, if the word marvelous doesn't land for you or the way that this thought is constructed doesn't like tickle your fancy, you can rewrite it.
I really like it written marvelous things happen all the time. But for you, it might be written a little bit differently. Or you might be like, ah, satisfaction happens all the time, or like delight is all around me. Delight is available now. So play with it a little and find something that works for you and that feels really yummy and delicious to you, or like that's going to open you up to more of the kind of experiences that you're interested in having.
For me, I chose the word marvelous actually because like this version of James and the Giant Peach from like, it's not really even from when I was a kid, but it's from when I was a younger adult. I think I saw it babysitting probably actually. And there's the quote, and it says, “Marvelous things will happen.” And I think about that quote all the time, especially because there's another character in the book who like doesn't hear it so she goes, “Marvelous pigs in satin.”
And so my brain just says that from time to time. I don't know if your brain is like this, it just like says movie stuff to you. But my brain was just like, “Marvelous pigs in satin.” And so I had that in my head, and I was like, oh, marvelous, is such a fun word, I want to incorporate that into a thought. And I want to incorporate that into my life. And I want to be like open to that energy and incorporating that and creating more of it and tapping into it. And so that's why I chose the thought construction that I chose.
So have fun with this, play with this and set yourself up for lots of joy and success or marvelousness, or whatever it is, you want to have in your life and 2023. Like 2022 is drawing to an end, you can also do an audit and think about the marvelous things that did happen in your 2022. And then the marvelous things you're going to notice in your current life, the marvelous things you're going to be open to receiving, and then the marvelous things you're going to be open to creating for yourself in 2023.
And also, if this sounds like a really fun and exciting thing but like you're feeling nervous about doing this on your own, I would strongly encourage you to come and join the Satisfied As Fuck group coaching program. We start in just a little bit over a month.
And this is the exact kind of work we do in there, where we help you notice and enjoy what's already working in your life. We help you be open to receiving more of what you want. And then we help you create the changes that you want to see in your life so that you feel more satisfied and more delighted with your life and your career. And I would love to have you be part of that program, scoot on over to my website and sign up for a consult call. And let's have a conversation about it.
All right, thanks y'all. Have a great week. Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
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