113. When Feeling Good Feels Bad
Getting what you want doesn’t always feel good.
The job you dreamed of for years.
A six-figure or even multiple-six-figure salary.
A relationship with a stable, loving human.
A business or side hustle that’s finally turning a profit.
These things sound so good.
They’re what you’ve been dreaming of, often for years.
And yet.
Sometimes having what you spent years aching for and dreaming of…
Can feel bad.
The badness can feel like boredom or listlessness.
It can feel like a weird allergic reaction to the thing you spent so long working towards.
It can feel unsettling, like that moment in a horror film when you know something terrible is about to happen.
You have longed for this this moment.
But you can’t enjoy it.
You might think there’s something wrong with you.
You might think you went after the wrong things.
You might think you’ll never be happy.
Luckily, it’s none of those.
Tune in this week and let’s talk about why getting what you want can feel super shitty and what you can do about it.
If you want to supercharge your capacity to create a life that blows your mind, I have some one-on-one coaching slots opening up soon. Send me an email and let's talk about it or click here to schedule a call with me and we’ll see if we’re a good fit to start working together!
If there are topics y’all want me to talk about on the podcast, feel free to write in and let me know by clicking here! I’d love to hear from you!
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WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
Why getting what you want can also feel bad.
What is happening in your brain when you feel satisfied or fulfilled.
Why you might have a history of running away from happiness.
The problem with believing “I’ll be happy when….”.
The importance of practicing satisfaction.
What to do if you’re having an emotional allergic reaction to getting what you want.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
FEATURED ON THE SHOW:
If you’re enjoying the show, please leave me a rating and review on Apple Podcasts!
Feel free to ask me any questions over on Instagram!
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about when feeling good feels bad.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all, happy Wednesday, and happy all the winter holidays, whatever you're celebrating. Today, on the day that this podcast comes out, I believe it is the winter solstice. We have Christmas coming up pretty soon. I think we're right in the middle of Hanukkah. And then I think Kwanzaa comes a little later.
And there are probably other holidays that I don't even know about. And probably lots of people who don't celebrate any of them. But I just think this time of year is really fun and really delicious. And whatever you're doing, I'm wishing you happiness and delight as we close out 2022 and then pretty soon head into 2023.
As you know, if you listened to the podcast episode last week, I've just been in a really delicious frame of mind where I'm just really wildly enjoying my life. And I'm feeling so in love with my partner, which is super fun. Because if you don't know, Alex Luchini and I, we've been together for about five and a half years now. And it's been a wildly fun ride, and also some parts of it were really hard.
There was some time in the middle where we really struggled. I've worked with a marriage coach, a wonderful marriage coach, Maggie Reyes. If you want marriage coaching particularly, I highly recommend her both one-on-one and group, I've done both.
And Alex and I have also worked with a couple of wonderful therapists. And then we also have the benefit of having some friends who are couples who have done couples therapy who've shared some of their experiences with us. And there's just been so many different tools that Alex and I have used together and individually to really help our relationship be something fantastic and magical. And right now I'm really, really feeling that.
And something else that I noticed that I wanted to talk to y’all about because I think it's relevant to all of you, whether you're working on creating more joy and satisfaction in your career, or in your personal life. You know, in like a significant other relationship like me and Alex, or maybe your relationship with your kids, or with your parents, friends, really, in any area of life that you're trying to cultivate satisfaction, I think this can happen.
Which is sometimes feeling really good and feeling really satisfied and feeling really connected, as much as it feels yummy and delicious, can also feel scary, dangerous, unsettling. It can feel really weird for people sometimes. And this has been something that I've worked a lot on in my relationship with Alex over the past five and a half years.
And I think something in this was probably at the heart of the stuff that like, you know, we ended up going to therapy and to coaching about. Which is, I think, as much as I wanted like this really loving, satisfying, connected partnership, when I got it, when I finally partnered with Alex after like a lifetime of like dating casually, and seriously like lots of people, it was hard to be there with that.
And there were definitely times in our relationship where I sort of wanted to run away. And I feel like you might be like, “Scandalous that Kori is telling me this,” but people who know Alex and I personally, many of them know that about me.
And Alex and I are at such a good point in our relationship that I feel comfortable sharing that on the podcast because I think that's so real and so common, and maybe something you're experiencing or have experienced. Where like something good that you've wanted and like longed for happens in your life and then you suddenly like, it's almost like you have trouble digesting it, or metabolizing it, or allowing it, or being with it.
And some of the ways that this has manifested or appeared in my life is like it would be so yummy and delicious, and then I would be like afraid that one of us was going to die. That sounds really melodramatic probably, but that's actually a thought pattern that’s happened a lot for me.
When I quit my job in corporate tech and started my business, my brain immediately was like, “Well, now that you've made this change, you're probably going to die before you can enjoy it.” Right? Or like before you make any money, because I'm a Taurus and I'm like very into earning my money.
And then like the business was going well and my brain was like, “Oh, now for sure something terrible will happen.” And I've had this with multiple partners, not just Alex, where my brain is like, “Well, now you're getting along so they're probably going to die or like never come back.” And maybe you've had this thought pattern too.
Another way it's shown up is like this boredom, right? I'd be like so happy and then suddenly my brain would be like, “I'm bored with this. I don't like it anymore, I don't want it. I want something else. I need something exciting. I need something interesting.” And it was almost like just being with the goodness, like it was like my brain could not compute with it.
And I think for a lot of people there is something about joyfulness, it's that expression, we're like waiting for the shoe to drop, right? Or like Brené Brown talks about like foreboding joy, which is like she talks, I think, about the example of standing over your kid’s crib and loving them so much. And then your brain just like keeps coming up with all these ways that that could end and end terribly in this way that you're like deeply, completely devastated.
So I don't know for sure what it looks like for you. I've shared some examples of what it’s looked like for me and some other stuff I've read about from other people. But what I do know is that for some of us, sometimes feeling good can feel bad. And it's very interesting and it's important to be aware of. And it can show up, like I said, in a lot of different ways.
I think also, when I got my job in corporate tech, I really wanted a job, I really needed a job from like a financial point of view. And I really wanted like a good, high paying job with like great benefits. And then I did all the work to get that job and then immediately my brain was like, “Oh my God, I cannot go to an office 40 hours a week. What have I done? This is hard. This is terrible. I don't understand.”
And it's like there was a period of time where I was like settling into that job and where I needed to just like give myself the time and space to sort of like get used to it. But what I'm going to call the internal wild animal was freaked out. It was freaked out and having a really hard time adjusting and like letting it be okay that I was there. And just like letting it be okay that I was making a bunch more money, and letting it be okay that I was learning this new thing.
There was this internal part of me that just felt really freaked out by it and really wanted to run away from it. Even though it was the thing that I'd spent all this time and energy, literally creating on purpose. I think this happens a lot when we have this sort of like “I'll be happy when” thought pattern.
And I see this all the time, right? I'll be happy when I work for myself. I'll be happy when I'm making six figures in my job. Or I'll be happy when I'm making six figures in my business. Or I'll be happy when I have a partner. I'll be happy when I get divorced from my partner. I'll be happy when I have a baby. I'll be happy when my kids are in preschool and like out of the house. And it's very common in diet culture, I'll be happy when I lose weight. I'll be happy when my body is like this. I'll be happy when I’m this size.
And the thing is, when we hang and pin all our hopes and dreams on something, and when we think achieving that something or arriving at that circumstance will make us feel good all the time, I think we're sort of setting ourselves up for disappointment. Not sort of, we're totally setting ourselves up for disappointment.
And I think, potentially, we're also setting ourselves up to encounter this thought pattern or whatever you want to call it that I'm talking about today. Which is that when we get there and it doesn't solve all of our problems, that's fucking disappointing and upsetting.
But also when we get there and it's hard for ourselves to metabolize and be with it, when it's hard for us to like allow the joyfulness, when we don't have any practice allowing and relaxing into joyfulness, it can feel really hard. It can feel really terrible. It can feel so like, it's like disappointing, it's unsettling.
And often, I think, it throws people into like a sabotage loop, right? Where we're like, “Well, this was supposed to solve all the problems. And now that I'm here, I'm not loving it. And not only am I not loving it, but I feel like kind of allergic to it. Burn it down, burn it down.” And I think at that point, a lot of people do burn it down, right? They get a different job, they dump their significant other. They try to get away from the circumstance if they can. If they can't, they maybe blame the circumstance.
And listen, no judgment if you’ve found yourself in that pattern, because I for sure have done that too. But it kind of puts you in this difficult pattern, right? Because then you'll like get rid of the thing and then you'll be like, “Oh, I want the thing back,” or you'll be going after something else only then to get that thing and not be able to metabolize it and be kind of allergic to it.
So I think it's a really important thing to, one, normalize and to, two, work on. And one way you can work on it is in coaching. As I said, I've done a lot of coaching about my relationship with Alex. And that's coaching I've done one-on-one or in a group where like Alex wasn't in the coaching. And we've also done the couples therapy where we both went to therapy together.
So I'm a big fan of like lots of different kinds of modalities and pick the one that works for you. But from a coaching point of view, where I think coaching can be useful for this is in unpacking the thought patterns around like why it's difficult to be with or metabolize or allow the joyfulness.
And what I think coaching can help people do is sort of create space in which to be with the yumminess. And I realize this might sound like nutty, like you might be like, “Why do people need space to be with the joyfulness?” But what I've seen in my own life and what I've seen with a lot of my clients is that a lot of people do need to learn that.
I've talked before about how satisfaction is a habit and I think this is interrelated to that. And I think it's also that a lot of us maybe like had an experience, I don't know, like when we were children where we felt really happy or really satisfied and we weren't like alert to the fact that something could happen.
And then something did happen because that's fucking life, right? And it felt so shocking and so unsettling, that now as an adult it can be really difficult to just allow the happiness and just be with it and just relax into it. Even though it's not going to stay forever, because that is the nature of life.
Like right now I'm just feeling like just the most yummy, delicious, it's like if champagne were a feeling, that's like how I've been feeling. And I'm going to be annoyed later. Alex and I are going to have a fight at some point. Maybe today, maybe next week. Probably definitely by the time this podcast comes out we'll have had at least one, maybe many, right?
And I have cultivated this ability for that to be okay, and that to not be disturbing, and that to not mean that this deliciousness is not real. Because the deliciousness I'm feeling now is real. It's very fucking real. It's very fucking yummy. And just life as a human means there's going to be other shit, right?
So I think there's something too in here about the framing of like I think I went from like life is terrible but sometimes you're happy, to like life is wonderful and sometimes you feel like shit. And so I think maybe there's something in here too about like what do you see as being the main thing, right? Like what do you see as the main way of being?
And I think for a lot of people, because human brains have negativity bias and because our brains are Velcro for what's not working and Teflon for what is working, and I did not come up with that originally, but I have no idea who said it to me first. So someone, let's attribute that to someone. But because of that, I think a lot of us are running around with the operating program that life is hard and sucky and terrible.
And listen, I'm not trying to take that belief away from you because life is fucking hard and terrible sometimes. But it's just like what do you see as being the main way of being? And what do you see as being like an interruption to the main way of being? And I think for a lot of people, they see the main way of being as like the terrible, and they see happiness as the interruption.
And that's why when happiness comes, they want to cling to it like a life raft. But also they have a hard time trusting it and they have a hard time being with it. Because their deep internal belief is that it's not the main way of being. Whereas if you believe being satisfied, being joyful, being happy, being content is the main way of being, then you don't have to like grip it so hard when it comes. It's not like the life raft, it's not rescuing you from the other times.
And instead you're like, this is the main way of being. It will be interrupted and punctuated by feeling like fucking shit sometimes. And then I'll handle feeling like fucking shit, and I'll move through it. And I'll demonstrate courage, and I'll be with my difficult emotions. And I'll have all the difficult conversations.
You may not enjoy all those parts, as you can tell from my tone of voice here, right? And then you're like, but then I'll get back to the main way of being, which is deliciousness, appreciation, and champagne as a feeling.
Okay, so the main takeaways for you, because I think we've talked about sort of a lot of stuff. The main takeaways for you are practicing satisfaction wherever you are is actually essential. And then when you get the big thing you're working towards, that is what's going to allow you and enable you to be with it, to enjoy it, to metabolize it, to digest it, and to not fucking burn it down because it feels so uncomfortable to be with it.
So I think we have a whole other podcast about like satisfaction being a habit, so I would like look for that and have a listen. But basically, it's just like notice that some stuff is not working and we're going to work on that. But also just cultivate the ability to feel in your body the appreciation and the satisfaction of what is working. So that's like the first thing I want you to take away.
And the second thing I want you to take away is like if you've created something really spectacular and magical that you really wanted to have in your life, and it feels like shit and you fucking sort of hate it and want to burn it down, I think that's normal. And I think that's a normal part of the process. It doesn't mean you're broken, it doesn't mean the thing you created is wrong and terrible.
It might mean that you have a mismatch between your internal beliefs and the thing you've created. And it might just, you might be kind of having like an allergic reaction to that. And if you are having what I'm going to call like an emotional allergic reaction to the thing you've created, it doesn't mean you always will, right?
And I think coaching is one way and therapy is one way, and there are probably other ways too, but those are the two main ones that I've used. Those are ways that you can like teach your body and your mind to feel safe with the magical thing you've happened and to enjoy it. And then, honestly, to even keep going and create other magical shit and then to tolerate that.
So you don't have to be stuck at the level of happiness tolerance that you currently have. And it's also okay if the level you have is confusing you and you're like, “But I wanted this so bad. Now I have it and I feel terrible.” That's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay, and you're not trapped there. Coaching can help, therapy can help, lots of stuff can help.
And listen, I think group coaching and specifically the Satisfied As Fuck group coaching program is a great place to do this. Because, as we talked about last week, you're a social mammal and you want to belong. And so when you join a group and you belong to a group of other mammals just like you, who are working on the same shit, it can make it so much easier for your brain to get on board with the concepts and the ideas and to try them out and to feel safe while doing it, even if the stuff is still like is a little bit new and different.
And so if you would love to join that program, I would love to talk to you about it. So scoot on over to my website, sign up for a Satisfied As Fuck consult call and let's talk about like what you're satisfied as fuck life and career will look like and if the group coaching program is the right place for you to do that work.
All right y'all, that's what I have for you this week. Have a wonderful week, and I will talk to you next time. All right, bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all, happy Wednesday, and happy all the winter holidays, whatever you're celebrating. Today, on the day that this podcast comes out, I believe it is the winter solstice. We have Christmas coming up pretty soon. I think we're right in the middle of Hanukkah. And then I think Kwanzaa comes a little later.
And there are probably other holidays that I don't even know about. And probably lots of people who don't celebrate any of them. But I just think this time of year is really fun and really delicious. And whatever you're doing, I'm wishing you happiness and delight as we close out 2022 and then pretty soon head into 2023.
As you know, if you listened to the podcast episode last week, I've just been in a really delicious frame of mind where I'm just really wildly enjoying my life. And I'm feeling so in love with my partner, which is super fun. Because if you don't know, Alex Luchini and I, we've been together for about five and a half years now. And it's been a wildly fun ride, and also some parts of it were really hard.
There was some time in the middle where we really struggled. I've worked with a marriage coach, a wonderful marriage coach, Maggie Reyes. If you want marriage coaching particularly, I highly recommend her both one-on-one and group, I've done both.
And Alex and I have also worked with a couple of wonderful therapists. And then we also have the benefit of having some friends who are couples who have done couples therapy who've shared some of their experiences with us. And there's just been so many different tools that Alex and I have used together and individually to really help our relationship be something fantastic and magical. And right now I'm really, really feeling that.
And something else that I noticed that I wanted to talk to y’all about because I think it's relevant to all of you, whether you're working on creating more joy and satisfaction in your career, or in your personal life. You know, in like a significant other relationship like me and Alex, or maybe your relationship with your kids, or with your parents, friends, really, in any area of life that you're trying to cultivate satisfaction, I think this can happen.
Which is sometimes feeling really good and feeling really satisfied and feeling really connected, as much as it feels yummy and delicious, can also feel scary, dangerous, unsettling. It can feel really weird for people sometimes. And this has been something that I've worked a lot on in my relationship with Alex over the past five and a half years.
And I think something in this was probably at the heart of the stuff that like, you know, we ended up going to therapy and to coaching about. Which is, I think, as much as I wanted like this really loving, satisfying, connected partnership, when I got it, when I finally partnered with Alex after like a lifetime of like dating casually, and seriously like lots of people, it was hard to be there with that.
And there were definitely times in our relationship where I sort of wanted to run away. And I feel like you might be like, “Scandalous that Kori is telling me this,” but people who know Alex and I personally, many of them know that about me.
And Alex and I are at such a good point in our relationship that I feel comfortable sharing that on the podcast because I think that's so real and so common, and maybe something you're experiencing or have experienced. Where like something good that you've wanted and like longed for happens in your life and then you suddenly like, it's almost like you have trouble digesting it, or metabolizing it, or allowing it, or being with it.
And some of the ways that this has manifested or appeared in my life is like it would be so yummy and delicious, and then I would be like afraid that one of us was going to die. That sounds really melodramatic probably, but that's actually a thought pattern that’s happened a lot for me.
When I quit my job in corporate tech and started my business, my brain immediately was like, “Well, now that you've made this change, you're probably going to die before you can enjoy it.” Right? Or like before you make any money, because I'm a Taurus and I'm like very into earning my money.
And then like the business was going well and my brain was like, “Oh, now for sure something terrible will happen.” And I've had this with multiple partners, not just Alex, where my brain is like, “Well, now you're getting along so they're probably going to die or like never come back.” And maybe you've had this thought pattern too.
Another way it's shown up is like this boredom, right? I'd be like so happy and then suddenly my brain would be like, “I'm bored with this. I don't like it anymore, I don't want it. I want something else. I need something exciting. I need something interesting.” And it was almost like just being with the goodness, like it was like my brain could not compute with it.
And I think for a lot of people there is something about joyfulness, it's that expression, we're like waiting for the shoe to drop, right? Or like Brené Brown talks about like foreboding joy, which is like she talks, I think, about the example of standing over your kid’s crib and loving them so much. And then your brain just like keeps coming up with all these ways that that could end and end terribly in this way that you're like deeply, completely devastated.
So I don't know for sure what it looks like for you. I've shared some examples of what it’s looked like for me and some other stuff I've read about from other people. But what I do know is that for some of us, sometimes feeling good can feel bad. And it's very interesting and it's important to be aware of. And it can show up, like I said, in a lot of different ways.
I think also, when I got my job in corporate tech, I really wanted a job, I really needed a job from like a financial point of view. And I really wanted like a good, high paying job with like great benefits. And then I did all the work to get that job and then immediately my brain was like, “Oh my God, I cannot go to an office 40 hours a week. What have I done? This is hard. This is terrible. I don't understand.”
And it's like there was a period of time where I was like settling into that job and where I needed to just like give myself the time and space to sort of like get used to it. But what I'm going to call the internal wild animal was freaked out. It was freaked out and having a really hard time adjusting and like letting it be okay that I was there. And just like letting it be okay that I was making a bunch more money, and letting it be okay that I was learning this new thing.
There was this internal part of me that just felt really freaked out by it and really wanted to run away from it. Even though it was the thing that I'd spent all this time and energy, literally creating on purpose. I think this happens a lot when we have this sort of like “I'll be happy when” thought pattern.
And I see this all the time, right? I'll be happy when I work for myself. I'll be happy when I'm making six figures in my job. Or I'll be happy when I'm making six figures in my business. Or I'll be happy when I have a partner. I'll be happy when I get divorced from my partner. I'll be happy when I have a baby. I'll be happy when my kids are in preschool and like out of the house. And it's very common in diet culture, I'll be happy when I lose weight. I'll be happy when my body is like this. I'll be happy when I’m this size.
And the thing is, when we hang and pin all our hopes and dreams on something, and when we think achieving that something or arriving at that circumstance will make us feel good all the time, I think we're sort of setting ourselves up for disappointment. Not sort of, we're totally setting ourselves up for disappointment.
And I think, potentially, we're also setting ourselves up to encounter this thought pattern or whatever you want to call it that I'm talking about today. Which is that when we get there and it doesn't solve all of our problems, that's fucking disappointing and upsetting.
But also when we get there and it's hard for ourselves to metabolize and be with it, when it's hard for us to like allow the joyfulness, when we don't have any practice allowing and relaxing into joyfulness, it can feel really hard. It can feel really terrible. It can feel so like, it's like disappointing, it's unsettling.
And often, I think, it throws people into like a sabotage loop, right? Where we're like, “Well, this was supposed to solve all the problems. And now that I'm here, I'm not loving it. And not only am I not loving it, but I feel like kind of allergic to it. Burn it down, burn it down.” And I think at that point, a lot of people do burn it down, right? They get a different job, they dump their significant other. They try to get away from the circumstance if they can. If they can't, they maybe blame the circumstance.
And listen, no judgment if you’ve found yourself in that pattern, because I for sure have done that too. But it kind of puts you in this difficult pattern, right? Because then you'll like get rid of the thing and then you'll be like, “Oh, I want the thing back,” or you'll be going after something else only then to get that thing and not be able to metabolize it and be kind of allergic to it.
So I think it's a really important thing to, one, normalize and to, two, work on. And one way you can work on it is in coaching. As I said, I've done a lot of coaching about my relationship with Alex. And that's coaching I've done one-on-one or in a group where like Alex wasn't in the coaching. And we've also done the couples therapy where we both went to therapy together.
So I'm a big fan of like lots of different kinds of modalities and pick the one that works for you. But from a coaching point of view, where I think coaching can be useful for this is in unpacking the thought patterns around like why it's difficult to be with or metabolize or allow the joyfulness.
And what I think coaching can help people do is sort of create space in which to be with the yumminess. And I realize this might sound like nutty, like you might be like, “Why do people need space to be with the joyfulness?” But what I've seen in my own life and what I've seen with a lot of my clients is that a lot of people do need to learn that.
I've talked before about how satisfaction is a habit and I think this is interrelated to that. And I think it's also that a lot of us maybe like had an experience, I don't know, like when we were children where we felt really happy or really satisfied and we weren't like alert to the fact that something could happen.
And then something did happen because that's fucking life, right? And it felt so shocking and so unsettling, that now as an adult it can be really difficult to just allow the happiness and just be with it and just relax into it. Even though it's not going to stay forever, because that is the nature of life.
Like right now I'm just feeling like just the most yummy, delicious, it's like if champagne were a feeling, that's like how I've been feeling. And I'm going to be annoyed later. Alex and I are going to have a fight at some point. Maybe today, maybe next week. Probably definitely by the time this podcast comes out we'll have had at least one, maybe many, right?
And I have cultivated this ability for that to be okay, and that to not be disturbing, and that to not mean that this deliciousness is not real. Because the deliciousness I'm feeling now is real. It's very fucking real. It's very fucking yummy. And just life as a human means there's going to be other shit, right?
So I think there's something too in here about the framing of like I think I went from like life is terrible but sometimes you're happy, to like life is wonderful and sometimes you feel like shit. And so I think maybe there's something in here too about like what do you see as being the main thing, right? Like what do you see as the main way of being?
And I think for a lot of people, because human brains have negativity bias and because our brains are Velcro for what's not working and Teflon for what is working, and I did not come up with that originally, but I have no idea who said it to me first. So someone, let's attribute that to someone. But because of that, I think a lot of us are running around with the operating program that life is hard and sucky and terrible.
And listen, I'm not trying to take that belief away from you because life is fucking hard and terrible sometimes. But it's just like what do you see as being the main way of being? And what do you see as being like an interruption to the main way of being? And I think for a lot of people, they see the main way of being as like the terrible, and they see happiness as the interruption.
And that's why when happiness comes, they want to cling to it like a life raft. But also they have a hard time trusting it and they have a hard time being with it. Because their deep internal belief is that it's not the main way of being. Whereas if you believe being satisfied, being joyful, being happy, being content is the main way of being, then you don't have to like grip it so hard when it comes. It's not like the life raft, it's not rescuing you from the other times.
And instead you're like, this is the main way of being. It will be interrupted and punctuated by feeling like fucking shit sometimes. And then I'll handle feeling like fucking shit, and I'll move through it. And I'll demonstrate courage, and I'll be with my difficult emotions. And I'll have all the difficult conversations.
You may not enjoy all those parts, as you can tell from my tone of voice here, right? And then you're like, but then I'll get back to the main way of being, which is deliciousness, appreciation, and champagne as a feeling.
Okay, so the main takeaways for you, because I think we've talked about sort of a lot of stuff. The main takeaways for you are practicing satisfaction wherever you are is actually essential. And then when you get the big thing you're working towards, that is what's going to allow you and enable you to be with it, to enjoy it, to metabolize it, to digest it, and to not fucking burn it down because it feels so uncomfortable to be with it.
So I think we have a whole other podcast about like satisfaction being a habit, so I would like look for that and have a listen. But basically, it's just like notice that some stuff is not working and we're going to work on that. But also just cultivate the ability to feel in your body the appreciation and the satisfaction of what is working. So that's like the first thing I want you to take away.
And the second thing I want you to take away is like if you've created something really spectacular and magical that you really wanted to have in your life, and it feels like shit and you fucking sort of hate it and want to burn it down, I think that's normal. And I think that's a normal part of the process. It doesn't mean you're broken, it doesn't mean the thing you created is wrong and terrible.
It might mean that you have a mismatch between your internal beliefs and the thing you've created. And it might just, you might be kind of having like an allergic reaction to that. And if you are having what I'm going to call like an emotional allergic reaction to the thing you've created, it doesn't mean you always will, right?
And I think coaching is one way and therapy is one way, and there are probably other ways too, but those are the two main ones that I've used. Those are ways that you can like teach your body and your mind to feel safe with the magical thing you've happened and to enjoy it. And then, honestly, to even keep going and create other magical shit and then to tolerate that.
So you don't have to be stuck at the level of happiness tolerance that you currently have. And it's also okay if the level you have is confusing you and you're like, “But I wanted this so bad. Now I have it and I feel terrible.” That's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay, and you're not trapped there. Coaching can help, therapy can help, lots of stuff can help.
And listen, I think group coaching and specifically the Satisfied As Fuck group coaching program is a great place to do this. Because, as we talked about last week, you're a social mammal and you want to belong. And so when you join a group and you belong to a group of other mammals just like you, who are working on the same shit, it can make it so much easier for your brain to get on board with the concepts and the ideas and to try them out and to feel safe while doing it, even if the stuff is still like is a little bit new and different.
And so if you would love to join that program, I would love to talk to you about it. So scoot on over to my website, sign up for a Satisfied As Fuck consult call and let's talk about like what you're satisfied as fuck life and career will look like and if the group coaching program is the right place for you to do that work.
All right y'all, that's what I have for you this week. Have a wonderful week, and I will talk to you next time. All right, bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
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