160. Being Willing to Try
If being good at things is really important to you, having to try can suck.
It might feel embarrassing or cringe. It might even feel humiliating.
Having to make a potentially sloppy attempt instead of performing a skillful display of excellence.
And listen, I get it.
I always want to look great and be fantastic at everything I do. Ideally all of the time.
Sadly, life often does not cooperate with that desire.
And to make matters worse, there are things I want to do that I am not already good at.
Ergo, I must try. It’s either that or resigning myself to never doing the things I want to do.
In between this rock and hard place, I choose trying.
I choose being willing to be cringe. I choose being seen in my messy imperfection, and I am going to encourage you to be willing to do these things, too.
It can feel incredibly uncomfortable to try something new (or worse, something you already know you’re not good at).
But I think it’s worth it.
I also think it can feel better when you tell a more powerful, encouraging narrative about yourself and the trying.
After all, if trying feels cringe AF and you’re doing it, doesn’t that make you super brave and resilient? I think it does.
Join me for this week’s podcast episode and let’s talk alllll about the magic you can create when you’re willing to try.
My small group coaching program, Satisfied AF, is officially open for enrollment! Click here to schedule a consult call for Satisfied AF and we can figure out what’s not working in your life and career as well as how to transform it into something that delights you.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
What being willing to try means to me.
Why it can feel uncomfortable to try things we aren’t already good at.
How actively avoiding something can make it seem scarier than it is.
The power of being willing to try.
How to make the skill of being willing to try doable.
The biggest thing that gets in our way of being willing to try.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
FEATURED ON THE SHOW:
If you want to join me for an in-person deep dive day where we coach all day on whatever you want, DM me on Instagram or send me an email to find out more!
I have one-on-one coaching slots opening up soon. Click here to schedule a consult call with me so we can talk about how one-on-one coaching could support you in creating a magical life and career.
My year-long coaching and mentorship program, Unhinged AF, is the most extra, extravagant offering I currently have. One-on-one coaching, in-person or virtual deep dive days, and special surprises. If this sounds like just the thing for you, book a consult call and let’s discuss a customized program that’s all about helping you break free from your current life and career to build something that truly blows your mind.
If you’re enjoying the show, please leave me a rating and review on Apple Podcasts!
Feel free to ask me any questions over on Instagram!
If there are topics y’all want me to talk about on the podcast, feel free to write in and let me know by clicking here!
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about being willing to try.
The Satisfied AF podcast is the place to learn how to create a life and career that’s wildly delicious. Want a steamier sex life? We’ve got you. Want a more satisfying career? We’ll cover that too. And you can be sure we’ll spend lots of time talking about how to build connected, fun relationships that can handle life’s ups and downs. No matter what goals you’re working on, this show will help you create a one of a kind life that is just right for you. Join me, life and career coach Kori Linn and each week I’ll give you lots of practical tips, tools, and proven strategies to help you create all the satisfaction your heart desires.
Hello, hello, hello. Happy Wednesday. I have cauliflower and broccoli roasting in the oven and I’m so excited about it because as you probably know, roasted broccoli and cauliflower, or as I call them broccoli caulis is like my favorite thing and I eat it pretty much all the time. And any time my container starts looking a little low, I just put another batch in the oven.
So I actually am making roasted broccoli and cauliflower probably three to four times a week. That’s what I’m up to today in addition to doing my coaching calls and other stuff in my business. I hope you’re having a lovely day as well.
Okay, this week we’re talking about something, and it’s kind of simple but really profound. And what that is, is being willing to try. So it’s interesting because we have to try in order to do things and we’re trying all the time. And even some people, if you say I’ll try, they’ll be like, don’t try, do or don’t do. I actually think that might be a Yoda quote as well. But for my clients and for me I have to kind of encourage myself to just try things and encourage clients to just try things all the time. And I think it’s really useful.
If you’re using the phrase “I’ll try” as a way to say I won’t do anything, then yeah, maybe commit to doing it or not do it at all. But what I love about trying is the idea that I don’t need to be perfect at this. I don’t even need to be good at it. I’m just going to make an attempt. I’m going to put myself out there and give myself the opportunity to learn and grow and get better at something.
For some of us, especially any of us who identify as a high-achiever or a perfectionist or someone who’s generally really good at things, it can feel massively uncomfortable to do things that we don’t already believe we’re good at. And I was just coaching someone today where there’s something they want to do and be better at in their life but they don’t think they’re very good at that thing right now. And because they think they’re not good at it, they just don’t try and they actually actively avoid it.
And what’s so interesting about that is that’s not going to help them get better and it’s probably going to make that thing, that specific activity feel more scary, more difficult and further away from them because the more they don’t try, they’re not gaining any new skills and they’re actively avoiding it, which can make things actually feel scarier.
Whereas what’s so beautiful about trying is trying gives us information. First of all, we make an attempt and then we learn so much. We either learn, wow, I’m actually better at this than I thought I was. Like I got further than I thought I would, I got closer to my goal than I thought was even possible. Or we learn where the gaps are. We’re like, oh, in order to be good at this, I would need A, B, C, D skill, I would need these other resources.
So we get clearer and we also get closer. We get clearer on what we need and we get closer to being able to achieve the thing because trying gives us both practice and information.
So if trying is so useful, how come we avoid it so much? Again, I think one of the reasons we avoid it is that identity piece of like if we identity let’s say, as someone who is bad at math, we’re probably going to avoid math or try to outsource it or get someone else to do it, avoid it, et cetera. Whereas if we think we’re good at math we might do it and enjoy it and keep it as something we do and be willing to try it. And we probably wouldn’t even call that trying, we would just call that doing.
But in addition to that identity piece I also think another factor here is the narrative that we’re going to tell inside our own heads and how we’re going to speak to ourselves while we try. So to use an example let’s say maybe you want to start a movement routine. Other people might call this exercise, I personally don’t like the word exercise so I don’t use it.
I have a pretty strong movement routine now but I don’t identify as someone who is very movement oriented. Probably because when I was a kid I was kind of made fun of as being more of a bookworm, sometimes kind of called things like a couch potato and I saw myself as someone intellectual and school oriented.
But as an adult I actually am also very movement oriented, partially because there’s a lot of data that suggests that it feels really good mentally and physically to be that way, so I think I prioritize that. And also because I’ve had some pain, and so going through PT for the pain I’ve had I have discovered that if I continue to do the PT routines then I have less pain and I like that.
Also, in my 20s I got very into country dancing and I think that changed my identity as well as someone who really enjoys certain kinds of movement. These days my movement is very PT oriented.
But let’s just say you wanted to start some kind of movement routine but the idea didn’t sound really like something you already have a good skill set in, like you didn’t think you’d be very good at it. And so maybe in your head you have this idea, often it comes in the form of a should, like I should have a movement routine.
And as you know if you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, I think should is kind of a backfire-y boomerang kind of word because the more we tell ourselves we should do something, the more we often don’t want to. Should kind of presupposes a right answer and we often feel resistance and rebellion about that presupposition of the right answer and so we’re like, fuck you, I’m not going to do that.
But let’s say you’ve decided you want to do it. So we’re going to move it from an obligation, a should, to a desire. I would like to, but then maybe you still have this other blocker of like, I don’t want to try. I don’t want to be seen trying. I don’t want to feel bad if I’m not very good at it. I don’t want to experience the self-criticism and it’s something that I don’t identify as being available to me or one of my skill sets, et cetera, et cetera.
So what are we going to do? How are we going to move through that? Okay, so being willing to try, to me, means a few things. Thing one, I think in order to try, we usually need to break something down into something that’s doable. I’m not going to just try to run a marathon.
That would be too big of a thing for me for where my body’s health is. And I’m a person who does movement almost every day, but I would never just do a marathon because I’m not a runner and that would probably hurt my body. So whatever it is that we want to try, we’ve got to break it down into something small.
I was coaching someone once about the difficulty of having conflict conversations, like difficult conversations with a loved one. And a thing I suggested was finding kind of small, not that big of a deal conflict to have a discussion about. Because when you feel less emotionally loaded, it can be easier to go through the movements of that and to figure out comfort in doing that new activity. And this is the same way, okay?
So whatever you want to be able to have a skill in that you don’t already, in order to be willing to try, you need something small enough to try that is actually doable. Then we also need to make it delicious. And the way we make it delicious is both through the actual activity of the thing, and it’s also through how we talk to ourselves.
So to me, being willing to try is like, let me find something small enough I can try. And then let me tell myself a powerful, encouraging and loving story about what I’m doing. So back when I was building my movement routine – Actually, this is funny, because when I first started working with the trainer I’m working with now, she’s not a trainer, she’s a physical therapist. But when we were first getting to know each other I was like, oh, I think I want to do like 30 minutes a day of the physical therapy exercises.
And she designed a program for me and sent me a link to it. And I immediately was like, this is way too many, it’s too much. I actually have to overcome a lot of resistance to do my movement stuff because, like I said, I still kind of have – Even though the dancing and all these other things and I’ve made all this progress, there is still this part of me that’s like, ew, a workout, right?
So kind of the way I work with that with myself is I’m kind of like, okay, we’re just going to do these few things and then you’re going to feel really good. And that works for me because I do the exercises and then I do feel really good in my body. So it’s like this delicious cycle, which there’s a whole podcast on vicious versus delicious cycles. So you can go listen to that, if that’s something you want to know more about.
There’s also a whole podcast on the idea of making things doable and delicious, so you can go check that out too. But for this one it’s not just about those, it’s also about being willing to try. So I was willing to try the workout, but then the first version she gave me was too much.
So I had to circle back with her and be like, okay, I said 30 minutes and I was wrong about that. And it’s beautiful and okay to be wrong, y’all. And sometimes it can be the best thing ever to be wrong. I know that goes against the cultural grain, but just believe me, it can be really fucking magical.
So I went back and I was like, oh, we actually need to start much smaller. And so we shifted where we were starting from. In order for me to try and be willing to try and actually get through the try, I had to make the try much, much, much smaller. And that is what I think would be really helpful for you.
When we make our tries really small, there is this internal impulse, I think, to then judge and shame it. Like, oh, it’s too small to be good. It’s too small to be meaningful. I’m really going to invite you to just set that judgment aside for a while.
You can be like, hey, self, thank you for bringing up the idea that you think this is too small to be meaningful, but we’re just going to try it for a little bit. And we’ve tried taking off the big bites and that wasn’t really working, so we’re just going to try this for a while. And if you want to be mad or complain about it later, we’ll kind of come back to you.
It’s just kind of like suspending disbelief. We’re just going to suspend the judgment. What I really find to be true is that when we’re able to take small steps and then celebrate them, that feels really good and then we’re able to take more steps, more steps, more steps. And then, eventually, we are able to take big steps.
But the way we get to being able to take big steps is not judging small steps. That actually will not work and it will usually slow you down to the point of stopping completely. And then your brain will come in and go, see, I told you you never do anything. So that’s like 100% the opposite direction of what we want to have happen generally.
But that brings me to a really important point because I actually think the number one thing that gets in the way of trying is the judgment. The internal judgment that trying is cringe, that trying is something we shouldn’t have to do. I actually hear this from people a lot, like we’re adults, we shouldn’t have to try anymore.
And let me just tell you that that is not my experience and it’s not been the experience I’ve had with clients. Even things we’re already good at, we often have to keep trying. And then especially if there’s anything in your life that you want that you don’t already have or haven’t successfully figured out how to create for yourself, it is going to involve trying. And trying often actually does involve not being so great at things. And that is okay.
Nothing has gone wrong when we try and we’re not that good yet. And in fact, like I was saying before, that will bring you clearer and closer to your goal. You’ll get clearer on the gaps and what you need. And you’ll get closer because practice makes progress, and trying is practice.
If there’s only one thing you take away from this podcast, what I would love to have it be is the idea that trying is not something to be ashamed of. I think that a lot of people find the activity of trying to be really cringy and excruciating and embarrassing. And I think at the heart of that is the belief that we shouldn’t have to try and we should just naturally be good at things. And what if we just let that go?
What if we just say goodbye to that belief and that idea? Because it’s blocking you so much from having all of the things you want. It’s like this prison, y’all. It’s like, oh, you’re not allowed to try to get things, you’re supposed to just have them.
But if you don’t have them and you’re not allowed to try, then you’re kind of just fucked, right? And anytime we have a mindset that ends up in you’re kind of just fucked, I’m, one, deeply suspicious. And two, I’m just not doing it. I’m just like, no, I decline. I’m not doing that.
I believe so deeply in my ability to build a magical, delicious life for myself. I believe so deeply in your ability to build a magical and delicious life for yourself. And so any mindset that results in you just being fucked, or in you being stuck, or you being trapped, I don’t believe it.
And I think, honestly, that’s a way that there’s a part of us that’s trying to keep us safe with that. Because the thing about trying is, yeah, someone might see us trying and they might have a judgment about that or it might be a little embarrassing. And I think there’s this part of us that’s like, ugh, if we’re seen trying, that’s the end times. It’s the worst thing that could happen.
But what I want to offer to you is what if the actual worst thing that could happen is you being stuck where you are because you’re not willing to try? I know so many people who are so deeply unhappy with the lives that they have in their current incarnations, and yet there’s this thing in them that won’t let them make new choices.
Don’t get stuck there. This life is not for you to get stuck in these negative and self-critical beliefs and be trapped there. That’s a very painful way to live and it’s not the only way possible. It’s not required. It’s okay to try new things. You’re allowed, even if other people do have thoughts about you. And let’s just be honest, a lot of times when you do try things, other people are like, “Wow, that’s cool. I also want to try things.”
There might be a few people who make some mean comments, especially on the internet. The way I take that is like other people also have that voice in their head that says they’re not allowed to try. If they have that voice in their head that says they’re not allowed to try and they see you trying, they may talk shit about you. They may talk shit to your face, or your internet face, if you will. And it’s not about you, it’s because they, too, feel trapped.
So you don’t have to be trapped. They don’t have to be trapped. I don’t have to be trapped. We are allowed, and I would offer here at the Satisfied AF podcast we are deeply encouraged to try and to allow ourselves to be seen trying. There’s so much going on where people are so performative and presenting these perfected images to each other, and it’s so exhausting and it creates so much of all of us feeling deeply alone and misunderstood and like we’re the only ones struggling.
And listen, you’re not the only one struggling. You’re not alone. Everyone else’s life is not together, like their shit is not perfect. And it’s okay for all of us to try and it’s okay to be seen trying. And it’s okay to tell yourself a kinder and more encouraging story while you try.
In fact, if you ever want to try anything, I would argue it’s almost mandatory, if you want to have a positive experience of that trying, to tell yourself a kinder, more encouraging story.
Listen, I’m a person who has done so many things through the force of will. I’ve done so many things from a place of anxiety and perfectionism and performance. And did I accomplish things that way? Yeah, I did. But was there a cost? Absolutely there was, because I felt forced and pressured and anxious all the time. And even when I achieved things, it didn’t feel the magical way I thought it would.
And the way I’m doing things now is so much more enjoyable, so much more delicious, I have such a more kind and loving relationship with myself. And y’all, I still get a lot done. I still create really magical things and they actually feel magical now, which is just, mmm, chef’s kiss, right? It’s so much more enjoyable this way. And it’s not just for me. I’m not a magical, weird unicorn. This is for you also.
It’s just a way of being. It’s a way of going about things. It’s a way of running your life. It’s a way of designing things, and you can have it too. So that’s what I have for you today. I want you to really take away this idea that it’s okay to try. In fact, it’s not just okay, it’s fucking wonderful.
And it’s okay to be seen trying and you’re going to make some of the best connections in your life, some of the deepest, most meaningful relationships, when you allow others to see you trying and when you name that and make it part of what’s available to you.
It’s also going to help other people believe it’s available to them. And yeah, some people might get upset and have big feelings about it, but I don’t think that’s a reason for you to keep your life small and stuck. Also, sometimes those people who have big feelings and are mad at you, you may be inspiring them too. You never know. That’s what I choose to believe, is that I’m inspiring them and they’re mad at me about that. And that’s okay, because they’re allowed to have their feelings and I’m allowed to have mine.
If this podcast was helpful to you, I would love it if you would follow, rate and review. And if you really love it, it would be so wonderful if you would share it on your social media or in your private conversations with your friends. I would love to have news of the podcast spread far and wide and collect some more wonderful listeners to join us on this adventure.
And if this podcast was really, really meaningful to you and it’s got you revved up and ready to try all kinds of things and you want some very loving, very customized guidance on how to do that, I would love for you to come and work with me one on one. I’m currently accepting a few new clients, it could be so fun for you to be one of them.
The package that I am offering right now is nine one-on-one sessions, which you can have over three or four months, and it’s $6,000. And we also have unlimited Slack so that we can always have the coaching conversation going. And if you would like to learn more about that, please go on over to korilinn.com and click on the work with me tab and you can set up a call for us to talk about it.
Oh, and one more thing. I am still running the RIP Medical Debt fundraiser. And I do still have space for some free coaching calls for folks who donate $100 or more. You can go to korilinn.com/learnmore to find the link to donate. Make sure to donate via the link so it goes directly to our campaign and then send me an email with your receipt and I will get your call scheduled.
All right, that’s what I have for y’all this week. Have a wonderful week and I will see you next time.
Okay. I have something really exciting to share with you. I want to tell you who won the podcast giveaway. So drum roll, please. In third place, we have Stephanie M who will be getting a gift card for $50. In second place, we have Aaron M who will be getting a gift card for $100. And in first place for the grand prize, our big winner who will receive a $250 gift card we have Ruth L. And also a special shout out to Liz and Valerie as well, who both also scored really high.
Thank you so much to everyone who entered the giveaway. Thank you to everyone who shared, followed, rated, and reviewed. I really, really, really appreciate you.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Satisfied AF. If you are ready to create a wildly delicious life and have way more fun than you ever thought possible, visit www.korilinn.com to see how I can help. See you next week.
The Satisfied AF podcast is the place to learn how to create a life and career that’s wildly delicious. Want a steamier sex life? We’ve got you. Want a more satisfying career? We’ll cover that too. And you can be sure we’ll spend lots of time talking about how to build connected, fun relationships that can handle life’s ups and downs. No matter what goals you’re working on, this show will help you create a one of a kind life that is just right for you. Join me, life and career coach Kori Linn and each week I’ll give you lots of practical tips, tools, and proven strategies to help you create all the satisfaction your heart desires.
Hello, hello, hello. Happy Wednesday. I have cauliflower and broccoli roasting in the oven and I’m so excited about it because as you probably know, roasted broccoli and cauliflower, or as I call them broccoli caulis is like my favorite thing and I eat it pretty much all the time. And any time my container starts looking a little low, I just put another batch in the oven.
So I actually am making roasted broccoli and cauliflower probably three to four times a week. That’s what I’m up to today in addition to doing my coaching calls and other stuff in my business. I hope you’re having a lovely day as well.
Okay, this week we’re talking about something, and it’s kind of simple but really profound. And what that is, is being willing to try. So it’s interesting because we have to try in order to do things and we’re trying all the time. And even some people, if you say I’ll try, they’ll be like, don’t try, do or don’t do. I actually think that might be a Yoda quote as well. But for my clients and for me I have to kind of encourage myself to just try things and encourage clients to just try things all the time. And I think it’s really useful.
If you’re using the phrase “I’ll try” as a way to say I won’t do anything, then yeah, maybe commit to doing it or not do it at all. But what I love about trying is the idea that I don’t need to be perfect at this. I don’t even need to be good at it. I’m just going to make an attempt. I’m going to put myself out there and give myself the opportunity to learn and grow and get better at something.
For some of us, especially any of us who identify as a high-achiever or a perfectionist or someone who’s generally really good at things, it can feel massively uncomfortable to do things that we don’t already believe we’re good at. And I was just coaching someone today where there’s something they want to do and be better at in their life but they don’t think they’re very good at that thing right now. And because they think they’re not good at it, they just don’t try and they actually actively avoid it.
And what’s so interesting about that is that’s not going to help them get better and it’s probably going to make that thing, that specific activity feel more scary, more difficult and further away from them because the more they don’t try, they’re not gaining any new skills and they’re actively avoiding it, which can make things actually feel scarier.
Whereas what’s so beautiful about trying is trying gives us information. First of all, we make an attempt and then we learn so much. We either learn, wow, I’m actually better at this than I thought I was. Like I got further than I thought I would, I got closer to my goal than I thought was even possible. Or we learn where the gaps are. We’re like, oh, in order to be good at this, I would need A, B, C, D skill, I would need these other resources.
So we get clearer and we also get closer. We get clearer on what we need and we get closer to being able to achieve the thing because trying gives us both practice and information.
So if trying is so useful, how come we avoid it so much? Again, I think one of the reasons we avoid it is that identity piece of like if we identity let’s say, as someone who is bad at math, we’re probably going to avoid math or try to outsource it or get someone else to do it, avoid it, et cetera. Whereas if we think we’re good at math we might do it and enjoy it and keep it as something we do and be willing to try it. And we probably wouldn’t even call that trying, we would just call that doing.
But in addition to that identity piece I also think another factor here is the narrative that we’re going to tell inside our own heads and how we’re going to speak to ourselves while we try. So to use an example let’s say maybe you want to start a movement routine. Other people might call this exercise, I personally don’t like the word exercise so I don’t use it.
I have a pretty strong movement routine now but I don’t identify as someone who is very movement oriented. Probably because when I was a kid I was kind of made fun of as being more of a bookworm, sometimes kind of called things like a couch potato and I saw myself as someone intellectual and school oriented.
But as an adult I actually am also very movement oriented, partially because there’s a lot of data that suggests that it feels really good mentally and physically to be that way, so I think I prioritize that. And also because I’ve had some pain, and so going through PT for the pain I’ve had I have discovered that if I continue to do the PT routines then I have less pain and I like that.
Also, in my 20s I got very into country dancing and I think that changed my identity as well as someone who really enjoys certain kinds of movement. These days my movement is very PT oriented.
But let’s just say you wanted to start some kind of movement routine but the idea didn’t sound really like something you already have a good skill set in, like you didn’t think you’d be very good at it. And so maybe in your head you have this idea, often it comes in the form of a should, like I should have a movement routine.
And as you know if you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, I think should is kind of a backfire-y boomerang kind of word because the more we tell ourselves we should do something, the more we often don’t want to. Should kind of presupposes a right answer and we often feel resistance and rebellion about that presupposition of the right answer and so we’re like, fuck you, I’m not going to do that.
But let’s say you’ve decided you want to do it. So we’re going to move it from an obligation, a should, to a desire. I would like to, but then maybe you still have this other blocker of like, I don’t want to try. I don’t want to be seen trying. I don’t want to feel bad if I’m not very good at it. I don’t want to experience the self-criticism and it’s something that I don’t identify as being available to me or one of my skill sets, et cetera, et cetera.
So what are we going to do? How are we going to move through that? Okay, so being willing to try, to me, means a few things. Thing one, I think in order to try, we usually need to break something down into something that’s doable. I’m not going to just try to run a marathon.
That would be too big of a thing for me for where my body’s health is. And I’m a person who does movement almost every day, but I would never just do a marathon because I’m not a runner and that would probably hurt my body. So whatever it is that we want to try, we’ve got to break it down into something small.
I was coaching someone once about the difficulty of having conflict conversations, like difficult conversations with a loved one. And a thing I suggested was finding kind of small, not that big of a deal conflict to have a discussion about. Because when you feel less emotionally loaded, it can be easier to go through the movements of that and to figure out comfort in doing that new activity. And this is the same way, okay?
So whatever you want to be able to have a skill in that you don’t already, in order to be willing to try, you need something small enough to try that is actually doable. Then we also need to make it delicious. And the way we make it delicious is both through the actual activity of the thing, and it’s also through how we talk to ourselves.
So to me, being willing to try is like, let me find something small enough I can try. And then let me tell myself a powerful, encouraging and loving story about what I’m doing. So back when I was building my movement routine – Actually, this is funny, because when I first started working with the trainer I’m working with now, she’s not a trainer, she’s a physical therapist. But when we were first getting to know each other I was like, oh, I think I want to do like 30 minutes a day of the physical therapy exercises.
And she designed a program for me and sent me a link to it. And I immediately was like, this is way too many, it’s too much. I actually have to overcome a lot of resistance to do my movement stuff because, like I said, I still kind of have – Even though the dancing and all these other things and I’ve made all this progress, there is still this part of me that’s like, ew, a workout, right?
So kind of the way I work with that with myself is I’m kind of like, okay, we’re just going to do these few things and then you’re going to feel really good. And that works for me because I do the exercises and then I do feel really good in my body. So it’s like this delicious cycle, which there’s a whole podcast on vicious versus delicious cycles. So you can go listen to that, if that’s something you want to know more about.
There’s also a whole podcast on the idea of making things doable and delicious, so you can go check that out too. But for this one it’s not just about those, it’s also about being willing to try. So I was willing to try the workout, but then the first version she gave me was too much.
So I had to circle back with her and be like, okay, I said 30 minutes and I was wrong about that. And it’s beautiful and okay to be wrong, y’all. And sometimes it can be the best thing ever to be wrong. I know that goes against the cultural grain, but just believe me, it can be really fucking magical.
So I went back and I was like, oh, we actually need to start much smaller. And so we shifted where we were starting from. In order for me to try and be willing to try and actually get through the try, I had to make the try much, much, much smaller. And that is what I think would be really helpful for you.
When we make our tries really small, there is this internal impulse, I think, to then judge and shame it. Like, oh, it’s too small to be good. It’s too small to be meaningful. I’m really going to invite you to just set that judgment aside for a while.
You can be like, hey, self, thank you for bringing up the idea that you think this is too small to be meaningful, but we’re just going to try it for a little bit. And we’ve tried taking off the big bites and that wasn’t really working, so we’re just going to try this for a while. And if you want to be mad or complain about it later, we’ll kind of come back to you.
It’s just kind of like suspending disbelief. We’re just going to suspend the judgment. What I really find to be true is that when we’re able to take small steps and then celebrate them, that feels really good and then we’re able to take more steps, more steps, more steps. And then, eventually, we are able to take big steps.
But the way we get to being able to take big steps is not judging small steps. That actually will not work and it will usually slow you down to the point of stopping completely. And then your brain will come in and go, see, I told you you never do anything. So that’s like 100% the opposite direction of what we want to have happen generally.
But that brings me to a really important point because I actually think the number one thing that gets in the way of trying is the judgment. The internal judgment that trying is cringe, that trying is something we shouldn’t have to do. I actually hear this from people a lot, like we’re adults, we shouldn’t have to try anymore.
And let me just tell you that that is not my experience and it’s not been the experience I’ve had with clients. Even things we’re already good at, we often have to keep trying. And then especially if there’s anything in your life that you want that you don’t already have or haven’t successfully figured out how to create for yourself, it is going to involve trying. And trying often actually does involve not being so great at things. And that is okay.
Nothing has gone wrong when we try and we’re not that good yet. And in fact, like I was saying before, that will bring you clearer and closer to your goal. You’ll get clearer on the gaps and what you need. And you’ll get closer because practice makes progress, and trying is practice.
If there’s only one thing you take away from this podcast, what I would love to have it be is the idea that trying is not something to be ashamed of. I think that a lot of people find the activity of trying to be really cringy and excruciating and embarrassing. And I think at the heart of that is the belief that we shouldn’t have to try and we should just naturally be good at things. And what if we just let that go?
What if we just say goodbye to that belief and that idea? Because it’s blocking you so much from having all of the things you want. It’s like this prison, y’all. It’s like, oh, you’re not allowed to try to get things, you’re supposed to just have them.
But if you don’t have them and you’re not allowed to try, then you’re kind of just fucked, right? And anytime we have a mindset that ends up in you’re kind of just fucked, I’m, one, deeply suspicious. And two, I’m just not doing it. I’m just like, no, I decline. I’m not doing that.
I believe so deeply in my ability to build a magical, delicious life for myself. I believe so deeply in your ability to build a magical and delicious life for yourself. And so any mindset that results in you just being fucked, or in you being stuck, or you being trapped, I don’t believe it.
And I think, honestly, that’s a way that there’s a part of us that’s trying to keep us safe with that. Because the thing about trying is, yeah, someone might see us trying and they might have a judgment about that or it might be a little embarrassing. And I think there’s this part of us that’s like, ugh, if we’re seen trying, that’s the end times. It’s the worst thing that could happen.
But what I want to offer to you is what if the actual worst thing that could happen is you being stuck where you are because you’re not willing to try? I know so many people who are so deeply unhappy with the lives that they have in their current incarnations, and yet there’s this thing in them that won’t let them make new choices.
Don’t get stuck there. This life is not for you to get stuck in these negative and self-critical beliefs and be trapped there. That’s a very painful way to live and it’s not the only way possible. It’s not required. It’s okay to try new things. You’re allowed, even if other people do have thoughts about you. And let’s just be honest, a lot of times when you do try things, other people are like, “Wow, that’s cool. I also want to try things.”
There might be a few people who make some mean comments, especially on the internet. The way I take that is like other people also have that voice in their head that says they’re not allowed to try. If they have that voice in their head that says they’re not allowed to try and they see you trying, they may talk shit about you. They may talk shit to your face, or your internet face, if you will. And it’s not about you, it’s because they, too, feel trapped.
So you don’t have to be trapped. They don’t have to be trapped. I don’t have to be trapped. We are allowed, and I would offer here at the Satisfied AF podcast we are deeply encouraged to try and to allow ourselves to be seen trying. There’s so much going on where people are so performative and presenting these perfected images to each other, and it’s so exhausting and it creates so much of all of us feeling deeply alone and misunderstood and like we’re the only ones struggling.
And listen, you’re not the only one struggling. You’re not alone. Everyone else’s life is not together, like their shit is not perfect. And it’s okay for all of us to try and it’s okay to be seen trying. And it’s okay to tell yourself a kinder and more encouraging story while you try.
In fact, if you ever want to try anything, I would argue it’s almost mandatory, if you want to have a positive experience of that trying, to tell yourself a kinder, more encouraging story.
Listen, I’m a person who has done so many things through the force of will. I’ve done so many things from a place of anxiety and perfectionism and performance. And did I accomplish things that way? Yeah, I did. But was there a cost? Absolutely there was, because I felt forced and pressured and anxious all the time. And even when I achieved things, it didn’t feel the magical way I thought it would.
And the way I’m doing things now is so much more enjoyable, so much more delicious, I have such a more kind and loving relationship with myself. And y’all, I still get a lot done. I still create really magical things and they actually feel magical now, which is just, mmm, chef’s kiss, right? It’s so much more enjoyable this way. And it’s not just for me. I’m not a magical, weird unicorn. This is for you also.
It’s just a way of being. It’s a way of going about things. It’s a way of running your life. It’s a way of designing things, and you can have it too. So that’s what I have for you today. I want you to really take away this idea that it’s okay to try. In fact, it’s not just okay, it’s fucking wonderful.
And it’s okay to be seen trying and you’re going to make some of the best connections in your life, some of the deepest, most meaningful relationships, when you allow others to see you trying and when you name that and make it part of what’s available to you.
It’s also going to help other people believe it’s available to them. And yeah, some people might get upset and have big feelings about it, but I don’t think that’s a reason for you to keep your life small and stuck. Also, sometimes those people who have big feelings and are mad at you, you may be inspiring them too. You never know. That’s what I choose to believe, is that I’m inspiring them and they’re mad at me about that. And that’s okay, because they’re allowed to have their feelings and I’m allowed to have mine.
If this podcast was helpful to you, I would love it if you would follow, rate and review. And if you really love it, it would be so wonderful if you would share it on your social media or in your private conversations with your friends. I would love to have news of the podcast spread far and wide and collect some more wonderful listeners to join us on this adventure.
And if this podcast was really, really meaningful to you and it’s got you revved up and ready to try all kinds of things and you want some very loving, very customized guidance on how to do that, I would love for you to come and work with me one on one. I’m currently accepting a few new clients, it could be so fun for you to be one of them.
The package that I am offering right now is nine one-on-one sessions, which you can have over three or four months, and it’s $6,000. And we also have unlimited Slack so that we can always have the coaching conversation going. And if you would like to learn more about that, please go on over to korilinn.com and click on the work with me tab and you can set up a call for us to talk about it.
Oh, and one more thing. I am still running the RIP Medical Debt fundraiser. And I do still have space for some free coaching calls for folks who donate $100 or more. You can go to korilinn.com/learnmore to find the link to donate. Make sure to donate via the link so it goes directly to our campaign and then send me an email with your receipt and I will get your call scheduled.
All right, that’s what I have for y’all this week. Have a wonderful week and I will see you next time.
Okay. I have something really exciting to share with you. I want to tell you who won the podcast giveaway. So drum roll, please. In third place, we have Stephanie M who will be getting a gift card for $50. In second place, we have Aaron M who will be getting a gift card for $100. And in first place for the grand prize, our big winner who will receive a $250 gift card we have Ruth L. And also a special shout out to Liz and Valerie as well, who both also scored really high.
Thank you so much to everyone who entered the giveaway. Thank you to everyone who shared, followed, rated, and reviewed. I really, really, really appreciate you.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Satisfied AF. If you are ready to create a wildly delicious life and have way more fun than you ever thought possible, visit www.korilinn.com to see how I can help. See you next week.
Enjoy the Show?
Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or Google Podcasts.
Previous
Previous
161. Anticipating Problems
Next
Next