6. Why We Overwork

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Do you ever find yourself compelled to fill up your to-do list, or have trouble delegating work to someone else when you have a packed schedule? Overworking is a habit that so many of us get tangled up in and it can be really tricky to try to find our way out, so I’m showing you how today. 

You might believe right now that overworking is a part of your life because of your job, or your boss, or simply because you couldn’t possibly get everything done in 40 hours a week or less. I struggled with this for so long in my own life, and so today, I’m showing you a new way to think about the habit of overworking and how to stop. 

Join me on the podcast this week as I highlight why you have to figure out how to stop overworking before you leave your job. I’m outlining a few questions you can ask yourself to start shifting the habit, and I guarantee that you’ll start doing better work in less time. 

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To celebrate the launch of the show, I’m going to be giving away 3 deep-dive strategy sessions with yours truly! These are 90-minute sessions where we come up with a plan to get you where you want to go.

To enter, leave a rating and review of the show on Apple Podcasts. You can find all the details on entering the giveaway here. I can’t wait to announce the winners!

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

  • The most common reasons for why we overwork. 

  • Why you have to figure out how to stop overworking before you leave your job. 

  • One factor involved in overworking that often goes unnoticed.

  • What happens when you tie your worth to how much you work. 

  • Why we have thought patterns that lead to overworking. 

LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:

FEATURED ON THE SHOW:

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

This week, we’re talking about why womxn overwork, how you can change that, and why it’s so important to address overworking before you change your job.

You are listening to Love Your Job (Before You Leave It), the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving womxn who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.

Hey y’all. Okay, so first of all, thank you so much to anyone who has written a review for the podcast. I am up to 38 and that’s so exciting. I’m deeply appreciative of each and every one of you, and I’m going to keep going. I want to get to 50 reviews. So if you haven’t written a review yet but you really want to be considered for the giveaway, it’s not too late.

But I would hurry up and do that because probably as soon as I get to 50, that’s when I will do the drawing. So you want to get yours in while there’s still a chance to be eligible for that prize.

And speaking of reviews, I just want to share one of the reviews I got with y’all here. I’m so flattered and delighted by everything it says. So this review is called “positively transformative,” it’s by lifetimeww. And it says, “Kori’s teachings have had a life-changing wonderful impact on me. I’m ecstatic that she’s now sharing her guidance filled with actionable steps here through this podcast. I especially like the quick duration. Listening to an episode fits well into a busy day. A-ha insights don’t have to be drawn out and laborious.”

Thank you so much, lifetimeww for the love and support in this review and for enjoying the podcast, which is what I hope for all of you. And I love that this person pointed out that the podcasts are quick because that’s part of my goal with the podcast is to really give you something that’s super valuable but not waste any time doing it.

I think that sometimes we add in more than is necessary to something when we’re really trying to prove that it’s valuable, and I want to really do the opposite with the podcast. I want to pair it back until it’s only what’s essential and what’s going to be helpful with you. And that actually dovetails really nicely into what we’re talking about today, which is overworking. Because spoiler alert, sometimes why we overwork is because we’re trying to cram in more value but just like the podcast, sometimes when we do less, it actually creates more value.

So that’s just a little spoiler for what’s to come. But I think this topic is so important because when it comes to loving your job and leaving your job, overworking is one of the big elements because overworking is one of the things that makes people hate their jobs and want to leave them desperately.

But of course, overworking is also a habit and if you leave your job before you figure out how to stop overworking, you’re probably going to find yourself overworking in the next job within the first six months, or maybe even on the first day.

So a lot of us think that the overworking is the job’s fault. We think we literally just have too much work. We think that we simply can’t possibly get our job done in 40 hours a week or less. We think that the business will probably fall apart if we take some time off.

We think there’s just not room in our lives to have a job and also do all the other things we want to do. And y’all, I get it. I’ve sat down with my own calendar and tried to wiggle things around and fit things in and I understand your struggle. But I also know that there’s another factor at play, and without understanding this extra factor, all that wiggling isn’t going to help you.

So what is the extra factor? The extra factor is your thoughts about work. Not all your thoughts, but one set of thoughts. Specifically, the thoughts you have about how much you need to work in order to feel good about yourself. You know what I’m talking about, right?

You’re sitting at your desk and you spent the last three hours cranking out a project and it’s coming up on five o clock and you want to feel really good about how you spent your day, but instead, your brain is like, maybe we should do just a little more.

It’s that inability to be pleased with what you’ve accomplished and more than that, it’s the ever-present pressure to just do a little more. Now, I’m guessing that this seems innocent enough. If you’re like most of my clients, you may even think that the just do a little more thought is helping you create better results.

But what it actually does is leads directly to overworking, and overworking leads to burnout. Now listen, I love being productive. I really, really love it. It’s not an accident that I’m talking about overwork because I’m a person who’s done a lot of overwork. But being productive and overworking are not the same.

And when we tie our personal worth to how much we’re working, it makes it really difficult to allow ourselves to ever stop working or to have any limits about what we add to our calendar and how much we try to do. And this is how we end up overworking.

It’s not just that there are so very many things to do for work. It’s also that we have this voice inside our own heads that’s always telling us we should be doing more, more, more. And here’s what else happens, no matter what you do, your brain is never like, good job.

Instead, your brain is always focused on what else you could be doing. This is not a recipe for work satisfaction, y’all. Instead, it means that you can achieve and achieve and achieve, and yet always feel like you should be doing more. But you probably already know about that, right?

Because I’m guessing if you’re listening to this podcast, you already experience this. Maybe daily. Maybe once a week. Maybe sometimes when you’re trying to fall asleep at night, you’re just laying there and your brain’s trying to do this advanced mathematics formula to figure out if you’ve done enough work to feel okay about yourself, or if you need to lay awake and be worried about your work performance.

And that last part, it’s just a guess. It’s not like I’ve ever experience this - I realize you can’t see me, but I’m shaking my head because of course I’ve experienced this. 100% I have laid awake at night trying to figure out if I’m doing enough. And sometimes my brain still tries to do that because the thought patterns that lead to this kind of behavior are ones I had for like, 30 years.

And even when we know about these thought patterns, they can still crop up. That leads us to wonder, how did we get these thought patterns to begin with? We live in a culture that teaches us that our personal value or worthiness is deeply connected to our productivity, especially our work productivity. But also, other areas like home and family.

You may remember being taught this as a child in school or from your parents when you were being instructed on the importance and meaning of getting good grades, which in many ways is the original work productivity most of us experienced.

I remember experiencing this myself as a kid, understanding that getting A’s mattered and that things were available to me when I got A’s. People saw me differently when I got A’s. Not just my parents but also teachers and other kids, and I understood from this young age getting A’s gets me something. Being more productive at school gets me something.

And when I’m less productive, then I’m missing out on something. And sometimes, even when I was less productive, I was getting in trouble because most parents, my parents cared about my grades. So my original fear of I’m not doing enough or am I doing enough was actually am I doing enough to get the A? Am I doing enough to get the A or is something bad going to happen?

And I’m sure you can see the seeds of my adult work anxiety in there. And it’s very likely that you received this conditioning too, that it’s important to do well and that something bad will happen if you don’t.

So a few things to say about this is first of all, I’m not blaming culture for teaching us that work productivity is important. I’m not blaming any of our parents who really wanted us to get good grades because our parents wanted us to get good grades because they wanted us to be successful and have happy lives most of the time.

And that’s probably also what our teachers were trying to impress upon us. And even if we don’t like the thought patterns that we learned from people or culture, and we want to get rid of those thought patterns or just slightly change them, we don’t have to blame whoever they came from. So I think that’s really important.

Because what I see happen a lot is that when people discover these thought patterns that aren’t helpful, then they’re mad about how they got there. It’s not that you can’t be mad. You can choose to do that if you want to. But I don’t think it’s necessary and I think often, it just takes our energy and attention away from changing the thought pattern and then creating the result that we want, whatever that is, now, in the current moment.

And I think it’s also useful to remember that whatever the adults in our lives when we were kids taught us, they probably learned from someone too. Social conditioning isn’t something that just happens to us. It’s something that happens to all people.

Just like you probably received a social conditioning I received, our parents probably did too. But to come back around to what that social conditioning does and the importance of doing good work and getting good grades, I also want to say, don’t get me wrong, I do believe really deeply in the value of doing good work and that’s a big part of my integrity, but there’s a way to do really good work without attaching that work to our personal worthiness as a human.

And honestly, if I think about it, probably when I was a kid, no one was saying like, this is how you can tell if you’re worthwhile as a human. I think my little kid brain just kind of connected those two like, oh, if I do good work and I get praise and I get approval, then I’m worthy. And if I don’t, then I’m bad.

So a lot of the things our brain learned as a kid, we also learned by inference. And it’s worth pointing that out because the inferences that the brain makes are often not logical. So let’s get back though to overworking and the social conditioning and how it all plays out.

So like I said, I believe really deeply in doing good work. That’s a big part of my integrity. And it’s actually easier to do excellent work when we don’t attach that work to our worthiness. When we do attach them, the work feels really loaded. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this.

The way it was for me, I would get really anxious about the work because I was placing so much meaning on it. I would constantly worry that whatever I was doing wasn’t enough and that something bad would happen because of it. But when I separate my worthiness from my work, then I can just do a really good job when I’m working and not worry about it when I’m not.

I know this sounds like a big change for y’all, but I want you to just pause and think about what that could be like. The possibility that you could do really good work and even enjoy doing really good work without worrying about it.

Does that sound like some science fiction to you, or maybe just fiction fiction? I get that. Because when we see our work as deeply tied to our worth, it feels crazy to consider that we could just do a really good job and enjoy it and then never worry about it.

But what if it is possible? What if you could learn to do a really good job, and then when it’s time to move on to your personal time, you just simply let yourself do that without wasting any time worrying?

Working this way isn’t just more enjoyable, it’s also much more effective. When our brain says we have to constantly be working in order to prove that we’re worthy, we do not do our best work. You know what we do instead? We do work that isn’t important or isn’t actually the best use of our time.

We don’t delegate because delegating requires giving work away to other people and letting them do it. But if we think that the way we create our worth is by doing more work than everyone else, of course we’re not going to give any work away.

I really want y’all to think about this. Delegating is a super power at work, but when your worthiness is attached to the amount of work you do and you need to be doing more work than everyone else to feel like you’re doing a good job, you will never give work away and you will always keep yourself stuck in an overworking cycle.

On top of that, we don’t make strategic choices that would give us time back. We don’t hire more people or ask for more headcount, we don’t tell our stakeholders no, we actually can’t do any more projects right now. Basically, we wear ourselves out and then we become resentful, but we blame it on the job.

But it’s not the job that’s doing this and changing the job without changing the thought pattern will land you right back in the same spot. And then we wonder why we’re so overworked and why we never ever have time for the things we love, the things we want so badly to be doing, and to add to our lives.

It’s not the job, y’all. It’s the way we work when we believe that we have to earn our right to feel good about ourselves via how much is on our to-do list. But this is actually great news because it means you can do great work and crush your goals in any job without burning out.

The job doesn’t need to change in order for you to be able to do it. Your coworkers don’t need to change, your boss doesn’t need to change. All that needs to change is the way you think about your work and the way you think about your worthiness.

So for homework this week, I want you to do some noticing. Just pay attention to how often your brain wants to add things to your list and why. Notice on the rare day when you don’t have that much to do, your brain does not enjoy that but instead begins to worry that maybe you're about to be fired since you don’t have anything to do, even if last week, you were worried about oh my goodness, I have so much to do, how am I ever going to get it done?

The more you notice how your brain is always trying to fill up your to-do list and how connected that to-do list is to your sense of worthiness, the easier it’s going to be to disentangle these. And listen, I know sometimes things really do come up that need to be added to your list.

Whether the assignment’s from someone else or things you simply didn’t account for when you planned your week. But you know what, when that happens, you can handle it. You can prioritize. You can decide okay, if I have time for 10 things, which 10 things will I do? What can I delegate? What can I save for later? What can I actually spend less time on? Because one of the things that draws our work out and makes it take forever is that we try to perfect everything and a lot of the stuff you’re doing does not need to be perfect.

There is some stuff that we want to work on again and again, but there’s always a lot of things that done is better than perfect. So what can you actually do in less time? Sometimes you may need to talk to other people to figure out the appropriate prioritization but a lot of the time you’re going to know what to do when you allow it to be okay that you can only accomplish a finite amount of work.

And if you want some laser-focused, very custom support with the disentangling of the work and the worthiness, I have just the thing for you. Because to celebrate the launch of the show, I’m giving away a few deep dive sessions with yours truly.

And one of the things we can do on these calls is begin to separate out your work product from your personal worth. I want to be very clear that these are not consult calls. They are 90-minute sessions where we unpack exactly what’s going on with you and your career, and then come up with a point-by-point plan for how to get it to where you want to go.

I know exactly what it’s like to leave an amazing job and launch a six-figure business, and I can walk you through what that might look like for you. And if you’re not interested in launching a business, we can focus on your particular career objectives, whatever they may be, such as getting a raise, getting a promotion, getting that flexible schedule you want so bad, whatever your heart desires. All while learning the skill of loving your work.

I’m only going to be giving away three of these sessions. In order to be eligible, all you need to do is subscribe, rate, and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts.

It doesn’t even have to be a five-star review, although I of course hope you love the show. What I really want is your honest feedback so that I can create a show that will blow your mind and help you change your life and change your career.

Visit korilinn.com/podcastlaunch to learn more about the contest and how to enter. I will be announcing the winners once we have 50 reviews. Alright y’all, have a great week. I’ll talk to you next time.

Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilynn.com for more guidance and resources.
 

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7. How to Get Along with Work Colleagues

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5. How to Take Time Off Without Feeling Stressed and Anxious