64. Taking Risks
This week, we’re talking all about risk - what it means for something to be a risk, when to take one, when not to, and how to think about risk-taking in your career, as well as in your life outside work.
Risk is a fascinating topic because what feels risky can really vary from person to person.
I see myself as pretty risk-averse but many other people see me as a huge risk taker because of some things they’ve seen me do, namely quitting my stable corporate job to launch this business.
This may be your experience, too. You may have made choices that seemed like a risk to others but felt comfortable to you. Or there may be things you want to do but don’t try because they feel too scary to you, even if others feel ok about them.
So, how do you decide when to take a risk in your career?
When it comes to answering this question, you may turn to a pros and cons list or try to tap into your intuition or you may even find yourself stuck reviewing potential worst-case scenarios over and over, but the approach I’m taking in this episode is a little different.
When it came to leaving my corporate job, I did feel afraid. It did feel like a big risk But I also really, really wanted to do it. So I did. And I’ll walk you through how I made that decision and how I handled the discomfort of walking away from everything I knew to start something completely different.
If you’ve got a risk you’d like to take, but you’re not doing it, this week’s episode is for you. I’ll explain how I think about risk and how you can think about it to decide which ones to take and which ones to skip.
If you want to supercharge your capacity to create a life that blows your mind, I have some one-on-one coaching slots opening up soon. Send me an email and let's talk about it or click here to schedule a call with me and we’ll see if we’re a good fit to start working together!
If there are topics y’all want me to talk about on the podcast, feel free to write in and let me know by clicking here! I’d love to hear from you!
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
Why, like so many topics, there is no one-size-fits-all right or wrong answer here.
The work of uncovering the kinds of risks you truly want to take.
How to see the direction that taking a specific risk will take you.
Where all-or-nothing thinking comes into our decision-making around risk, and why it makes the decision much harder.
The way your brain thinks about risk and the unknown versus what’s familiar and comfortable.
How to see the positive outcomes available if you decide to take a risk, instead of going to the worst-case scenario.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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Feel free to ask me any questions over on Instagram!
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about taking risks.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y’all. Happy Wednesday. This week we are talking about risks. How to take risks, when to take risks, when to maybe not take risks. How to think about risk-taking in your career, and of course, as always beyond. Because everything we talk about here is relevant for work, but it’s also often relevant for your whole life and all kinds of stuff you’re up to, hobbies, relationships, all the things, you know.
Okay, so I want to just start out by saying I think risk is really interesting because on the one hand in a lot of ways I’m pretty risk averse. If someone is like, “Oh, do you want to take a bet on that?” like when I say something. I’m often like, “No, I don’t want to bet on that.” Even if I’m pretty sure I’m right.
And I’ve given this thought, I’m like, why am I like that? I don’t want to risk losing something even if the gain could be really big. That’s a tendency that my brain has that I can work around because I’m aware of it. But it’s just something interesting to note about myself.
On the other hand though, I think a lot of people looking at me from the outside would say that I’ve taken some huge risks because I quit my very cozy, stable, wonderful corporate job to launch this business. And I think to a lot of people that looks like a pretty big risk.
I actually had a friend, I think it was this year, reach out via text and be like, “I’m so proud of you and what you’ve done and built your business. When you first started I was a little bit like maybe this is insane.” And I was a little surprised by the text, but I was also like I’m far enough away from when I started my business that I thought it was kind of funny. And I wasn’t offended, I was just like, “Oh, that’s interesting.”
Because I do think when you do something like quit your stable job to start a business, some people will tell you to your face that they think you’re crazy. And other people will just kind of quietly wait to see what happens. And it’s just interesting what is a really big risk to one person and what’s not a really big risk to someone else and how our brains think about that.
Like when I first moved to Seattle I got some parking tickets because of parking in zoned parking and then not paying for it, by accident. I was never meaning to try to get away with parking for free. And then I became very aware of that.
And so I know other people who would park their car in front of a store and run inside for like 10 minutes and not pay for the parking. And that kind of stuff I feel totally uncomfortable about, so I’ve paid for parking for the five minutes it takes me to run in and get takeout before. So I think that’s a funny way of thinking about the risk aversion whatever.
But then in these other areas I’m like, “Cool, yeah, I’ll totally walk away from this stable income.” Or I’ve done other things, like when I was 23 and I graduated from undergrad I moved to France to teach English for seven months. Which was amazing by the way, I highly recommend going and living in another country. It’s a really enlightening experience.
Also there was a lot about that that was super hard that I did not think through ahead of time. I had to do all kinds of stuff, like open a bank account in a French bank in a town that wasn’t very big. And so a lot of people didn’t speak English well enough that we could speak English about me opening a bank account. So then I had to do it in French of kind of a combination of French and English.
Anyways, that’s just to say that, I think, to a lot of other people would have looked like a huge risk, but I was just like cool, I want to go speak French all the time, I’m moving to France. So it’s just interesting to think about.
So before we even get into the topic of it, it might be fun for you to think about your own life, career or otherwise, and look at where does taking a risk feel really scary and I really wouldn't like to do it, or I'd feel really uncomfortable if I did do it? And where do I take risks that feel really easy to me, but other people might be uncomfortable?
And honestly, you might not know because the risks that we take that we feel comfortable taking, because we feel comfortable taking them, we're not looking at them necessarily as risks. I mean, maybe we are but for a lot of mine, I'm just like, this is a thing I'm going to do. And then it's like the way other people respond to the thing I've done, kind of I'm like, oh, not everyone would do this. Isn't that interesting? So I think that's just like a fun little thing to think about.
But now let's move into the deeper conversation which is when should we take a risk in our career? First of all, I said that question with a should, so let's just call that out. I don't think there's a right or wrong. Should presupposes that there's a right answer and I'm not about that shit, as y'all know. And I do think a lot of people think that there are right times and wrong times, I'm not one of those people. Y'all know that's not what I'm about here.
So, let's already revise the question to when would I like to take a risk in my career? And when would I not? And the very straightforward conversation, I think, that we could be having about risk is things like pros and cons sheets and things like that. And then a lot of people are very into being intuitive and checking in with your intuition about which risks to take.
And I think those are both fine, but the approach I want to take is a little bit different. And it's just like thinking about what kind of risks do I want to take? And I like to bring it back to what are my values? What are my desires? And what am I willing to do to get what I want? And then let's look at the risks I'm willing to take through those lenses.
So I did have a very stable, cozy corporate career, and it was wonderful. And there was so much about that job that was so good. And it really taught me that I can do well in corporate. I can fit in here. I can belong here. I can have wonderful relationships with colleagues and leadership and all kinds of stuff. And I still knew that I wanted to go have my business.
And so to me, taking the risk of leaving my corporate job, it did feel scary. When I say it didn't feel like as big of a risk, I'm not saying it didn't feel like a risk at all. It still did feel very big and scary. And I definitely was, like there was a part of me that was like what am I doing with my life? But it was going in the direction that I really wanted to go in.
And so I was like, this job that I had, the corporate one, was great. And I knew that I could get another great corporate job and that I could go back and do something similar if I wanted to. I chose to believe that. And I chose to believe that it was okay and acceptable to walk away and try this thing. Because I wanted to try the thing.
I wanted to try this business and see what would happen. And to believe that if it didn't go the way I wanted it to or I didn't get the results I wanted to I could go back and still put a corporate career together. And that even going away and doing my own thing could be really useful to my future corporate career. Like maybe the next corporate job I would have gotten, if that had been my path, I would have been able to bring all this extra value because of my experience launching a business.
And from where I sit now I'm like, obviously, yes. I'm so good at so many things that I was not as good at before I launched my business. Obviously now I'm not trying to go back into a corporate career. I'm like, having my own business is awesome, even when there's little things that are really difficult.
Which, of course, there still are and I've been dealing with some of those recently, as I think I've mentioned on a few podcasts recently, but I'm not sure. Anyways, year-end stuff, having a business, moving states, it all brings up a bunch of stuff. But I'm going to handle it because I like having my own business.
Anyways, circling back around, so I think when a lot of people want to take a risk, they kind of get into black and white thinking, also called all or nothing thinking. Which is a way of thinking either I do this thing and it works out perfectly and then it's amazing and I'm happy. Or I do this thing and then it's terrible and it doesn't work out and everything is ruined.
And I think that can make trying to make a decision very challenging and very uncomfortable. Whereas in the real world, I think, first of all, things are not all or nothing. They're usually a little bit of everything. And we have the teaching that we talk about often on this podcast that life is 50/50.
So even though I left my corporate job and launched my business, like I was just saying, there's still things that I struggle with, still things I'm working on, et cetera. My life is not perfect now that I have a business, but I do like this version of my life a lot. And I'm really glad I did the work to create it.
But so when thinking about a risk and are we going to take the risk or not, I don't think it's helpful framing to look at the risk going like, “Is this going to make my life like the life of my dreams? Or will everything be ruined if I try this, and it doesn't work?” I don't think those are helpful frames. Versus, who can I become if I take this risk? How could this risk be amazing for me and my career, no matter what happens?
Now, those are framed varying of like looking at the positives of the risk. I think looking at the potential negatives is also useful. Like, what's the worst case scenario? What's the worst case scenario if I take this risk?
Now, I do think you got to kind of do this on purpose because if you don't, your brain will quietly be in there going, “The worst case scenario is everything is ruined.” Because that is kind of how the brain orients itself a lot of the time. It's scanning for danger, it's scanning for threats. It's scanning with its negativity bias for all the ways things could go wrong. And it likes the status quo.
And when I say it likes the status quo, I want to be really clear. How do I explain this? The brain prefers what it is used to. Yes, it does like novelty, that's a thing. But set that aside for now. The brain prefers what it's used to when it comes to keeping you alive. Because whatever it's used to, hasn't killed you yet.
This is very simplistic, but this is a thing the brain does. It will pick the thing it's used to even if the thing it's used to has known problems, when it thinks that going away from the thing it's used to is so unknown that it could be really dangerous. So it's a way your brain is trying to help you, but it doesn't always help you when it's doing that.
So it's really good for you to be aware of that on some level, anytime we take a risk, anytime we do something that we're not familiar with or haven't done before, whether it's leaving our corporate job like I did, or trying to negotiate a higher salary, or trying to tell your clients you're raising your prices. Whatever the thing is, the brain kind of kicks up this little storm of like, but what if this goes so badly that everything's ruined and then I'm alone, and I can't fix it, and death?
And it might not say death literally, but one thing I've really noticed with my brain, is if I purposefully pause and I'm like, “What's the worst case scenario?” It's usually not that bad. But until I do that, I get this like body feeling as though I'm in some kind of like life or death peril.
So, what's the worst case scenario. And actually think that through. And then this is also an important part, what would you do in that worst case scenario? So go back to my example, which was leaving my corporate job to start my business. The worst case scenario could have been I go get another job.
And so my brain could have done this thing where it's like, “No one will ever hire you again. No one wants to hire people who go try to start their own businesses.” Brains say all this kind of stuff because they're trying to keep us in the safety zone. But the reality is, people hire people who've been working in their own businesses all the time. And if you've got skills and if you are able to deliver value, you can get a new job.
Now, potentially, it could have been true that the very next new job I got wasn't as good as the one I had left. But it also could be true that it could have been a better fit or more pay or something like that. I've mentioned before, I think, on the podcast that I was laid off once. And that was not a very fun experience emotionally because my brain completely lost it shit about it. And the next job I got paid like 20K more and was a much better fit for me.
In the middle part before I knew what the next job was going to be felt terrible. And I was an anxious mess, and this was before I knew about the thought work and the coaching that I use now. So I was really, really an anxious mess. And I mean that was the most love for myself possible, just so y'all know. But even with me being an anxious mess and really struggling, I wound up in a great next job that kind of blew my mind and was way beyond all my wildest expectations.
So that's something, I think, to notice too. Our brains spend so much time thinking about the worst case scenario and all the different ways things could go wrong and we could get fucked. And they spend so little time, I find, thinking, unless we teach them to do this, about all the things that could be amazing, and all the ways that could go well, and all the magical things that could happen.
I think part of the reason we do this is sometimes if we spend time thinking about all the magical things that could happen, we get into like fantasy land. And I do think there's a slight difference here. So it's different to think about all the wonderful things that could happen. And then we're like, cool, I'm going to commit to making those happen. Versus fantasizing about how our life will be perfect when we just do this X, Y, Z thing.
Can y'all tell the difference with what I'm talking about here? I know you can't talk back to me because this is a podcast. But we're just being very casual this week and I'm just going to have a back and forth conversation with you, by myself. It's fine.
Okay, so let me explain it again, just to make sure it's captured. I do think there's a difference between catastrophizing, which is where we imagine all the ways it could be terrible. And then there's fantasizing, which is where we only imagine the ways it could be wonderful, but don't imagine ourselves being resilient to make it wonderful. And don't necessarily imagine maybe some things will go wrong and then we'll overcome them.
And then I think there's this third thing that I want to offer, which is thinking about all the ways that could go right, but in more of an active way, where I think sometimes the fantasizing is kind of passive. We’re just like, “And then it'll be great.” But then we don't do anything.
And even in the fantasies, it's like, everything's already perfect versus what I'm talking about is like, “And then I figure it out. And then I learned how to run my own business. And then I learned how to double my prices. And then I learned how to negotiate a salary.”
And it's more about teaching our brain through the mental imagery that we're imagining about being able to show up to a life that is imperfect and is full of tons of shit we don't like, and still succeed. Even when things don't go according to plan. And even when we get more information that if we had had it in the beginning might have changed what we were doing, and whether we were going to take on the risk or not.
But we didn't have that information and so now here we are. And so we're going to carry ourselves forward and we're going to look at the situation thinking, “How can I make this something beautiful for me, even if it's something I would never choose for myself?”
Okay, so that was kind of a rant. But basically, I think the main idea I want y'all to take away from this is that when it comes to risk, there's not a right and wrong. There's not good risks and bad risks. A lot of people will tell you that they are.
Now, I do think there can be risks that are statistically wise and risks that are statistically riskier, which is a hilarious thing to say, risks that are riskier. Anyways, you know what I'm talking about here. But also, what I believe is that you are the one who gets to make your choices. You have the authority, you have the intelligence. And also you get to make choices that are riskier if that's what you want to do.
Just because no one's done it before and it's statistically riskier, doesn't mean it's not possible. And doesn't mean it's not possible for you. I'm going to talk about the example that I know I've talked about before, which is Roger Bannister, who was the first person to run the four minute mile.
And before he did that, they literally thought it was impossible. They thought the human body couldn't do it. And he was like, I'm going to fucking do that shit. I don't know what he was like, I just like to make up my little story about him. He might have been like, I'm just going to try. I don't know.
But the point is he did it. And then a bunch of other people did it too, because they then were able to believe, oh, it's possible, so then I can do it. When people believe something is possible, it does make it easier to do.
Being the first person to do it, or one of the first people, I think that takes more of us believing in ourselves, even when society and the rest of the world may be looking at us like we're crazy. But you got to imagine, if people thought it was scientifically impossible to run a four minute mile, what did it take internally for that person to be like, “I'm going to keep doing this until I get it.”
And that might not be something that you would traditionally look at and think of as a risk. But I would argue that it is because it's risking looking crazy to other people, risking being ridiculed, risking people thinking you're wasting your time. What would it have to be like?
If you want to take a risk, if you want to be the first or if you want to do something that other people think you can't do, what do you need internally? What kind of internal narrative? What kind of self-talk do you need to have like inside of yourself in order to be able to go out and do that work?
Now, humans are social mammals, and I do believe community is really important. And I believe getting a group of people who support us is really beneficial. And what I also know to be true is you can build up enough internal belief that even if no one else believes in you, you can do incredible, crazy, magical things that will blow your mind and blow other people's mind.
So I just wanted to like wrap that into this too, because I think especially when talking about risks, a lot of us tend to look around at our community, our friends, our family and go like, “What do you think is safe? What do you think is safe?” And we sort of crowdsource that versus being like, “What do I want to fucking do? Who do I want to be? What kind of risks do I want to take, and why?”
Living is a risk, if we want to get right down to it. Being a human in the world is just full of risk. None of us know what's going to happen. Everything's uncertainty, safe bets aren't always safe bets. That doesn't mean you have to go out and take a bunch of wild risks either. But I just think it's important to be honest with yourself about the fact that nothing's guaranteed for any of us.
And if that is the case, what risks do you want to choose to take? Why do you want to choose to take them? Make sure you're good with yourself on those reasons. And then what story do you want to choose to tell to yourself about your own risk-taking, whether you get the thing you're trying to get or not?
Because even if you take the risk and don't get the thing you're trying to get, you can tell yourself the story that you're a badass and that you can keep going and that you can get there later or you can get something else that's amazing.
There has been so much failure for me in running a business. Just truly incredible amounts of failure. And I've had to become someone who can tolerate that failure in order to keep going. But becoming someone who could tolerate that failure has been like the best thing that's ever happened to me. And it's made it possible for me to do all kinds of crazy things that were not available for younger me because she couldn't tolerate the discomfort of not succeeding.
So I just think that's an important mention too, being able to tell a beautiful story about your own risk-taking is going to make risk-taking much more fun when you choose to do it. And you get to do it when you want to, and you get to tell a beautiful story about yourself when you choose not to risk take too. So basically, risk take whenever you want, know your reasons, but tell a beautiful story to yourself about yourself either way.
All right, that's what I have for y'all this week. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y’all. Happy Wednesday. This week we are talking about risks. How to take risks, when to take risks, when to maybe not take risks. How to think about risk-taking in your career, and of course, as always beyond. Because everything we talk about here is relevant for work, but it’s also often relevant for your whole life and all kinds of stuff you’re up to, hobbies, relationships, all the things, you know.
Okay, so I want to just start out by saying I think risk is really interesting because on the one hand in a lot of ways I’m pretty risk averse. If someone is like, “Oh, do you want to take a bet on that?” like when I say something. I’m often like, “No, I don’t want to bet on that.” Even if I’m pretty sure I’m right.
And I’ve given this thought, I’m like, why am I like that? I don’t want to risk losing something even if the gain could be really big. That’s a tendency that my brain has that I can work around because I’m aware of it. But it’s just something interesting to note about myself.
On the other hand though, I think a lot of people looking at me from the outside would say that I’ve taken some huge risks because I quit my very cozy, stable, wonderful corporate job to launch this business. And I think to a lot of people that looks like a pretty big risk.
I actually had a friend, I think it was this year, reach out via text and be like, “I’m so proud of you and what you’ve done and built your business. When you first started I was a little bit like maybe this is insane.” And I was a little surprised by the text, but I was also like I’m far enough away from when I started my business that I thought it was kind of funny. And I wasn’t offended, I was just like, “Oh, that’s interesting.”
Because I do think when you do something like quit your stable job to start a business, some people will tell you to your face that they think you’re crazy. And other people will just kind of quietly wait to see what happens. And it’s just interesting what is a really big risk to one person and what’s not a really big risk to someone else and how our brains think about that.
Like when I first moved to Seattle I got some parking tickets because of parking in zoned parking and then not paying for it, by accident. I was never meaning to try to get away with parking for free. And then I became very aware of that.
And so I know other people who would park their car in front of a store and run inside for like 10 minutes and not pay for the parking. And that kind of stuff I feel totally uncomfortable about, so I’ve paid for parking for the five minutes it takes me to run in and get takeout before. So I think that’s a funny way of thinking about the risk aversion whatever.
But then in these other areas I’m like, “Cool, yeah, I’ll totally walk away from this stable income.” Or I’ve done other things, like when I was 23 and I graduated from undergrad I moved to France to teach English for seven months. Which was amazing by the way, I highly recommend going and living in another country. It’s a really enlightening experience.
Also there was a lot about that that was super hard that I did not think through ahead of time. I had to do all kinds of stuff, like open a bank account in a French bank in a town that wasn’t very big. And so a lot of people didn’t speak English well enough that we could speak English about me opening a bank account. So then I had to do it in French of kind of a combination of French and English.
Anyways, that’s just to say that, I think, to a lot of other people would have looked like a huge risk, but I was just like cool, I want to go speak French all the time, I’m moving to France. So it’s just interesting to think about.
So before we even get into the topic of it, it might be fun for you to think about your own life, career or otherwise, and look at where does taking a risk feel really scary and I really wouldn't like to do it, or I'd feel really uncomfortable if I did do it? And where do I take risks that feel really easy to me, but other people might be uncomfortable?
And honestly, you might not know because the risks that we take that we feel comfortable taking, because we feel comfortable taking them, we're not looking at them necessarily as risks. I mean, maybe we are but for a lot of mine, I'm just like, this is a thing I'm going to do. And then it's like the way other people respond to the thing I've done, kind of I'm like, oh, not everyone would do this. Isn't that interesting? So I think that's just like a fun little thing to think about.
But now let's move into the deeper conversation which is when should we take a risk in our career? First of all, I said that question with a should, so let's just call that out. I don't think there's a right or wrong. Should presupposes that there's a right answer and I'm not about that shit, as y'all know. And I do think a lot of people think that there are right times and wrong times, I'm not one of those people. Y'all know that's not what I'm about here.
So, let's already revise the question to when would I like to take a risk in my career? And when would I not? And the very straightforward conversation, I think, that we could be having about risk is things like pros and cons sheets and things like that. And then a lot of people are very into being intuitive and checking in with your intuition about which risks to take.
And I think those are both fine, but the approach I want to take is a little bit different. And it's just like thinking about what kind of risks do I want to take? And I like to bring it back to what are my values? What are my desires? And what am I willing to do to get what I want? And then let's look at the risks I'm willing to take through those lenses.
So I did have a very stable, cozy corporate career, and it was wonderful. And there was so much about that job that was so good. And it really taught me that I can do well in corporate. I can fit in here. I can belong here. I can have wonderful relationships with colleagues and leadership and all kinds of stuff. And I still knew that I wanted to go have my business.
And so to me, taking the risk of leaving my corporate job, it did feel scary. When I say it didn't feel like as big of a risk, I'm not saying it didn't feel like a risk at all. It still did feel very big and scary. And I definitely was, like there was a part of me that was like what am I doing with my life? But it was going in the direction that I really wanted to go in.
And so I was like, this job that I had, the corporate one, was great. And I knew that I could get another great corporate job and that I could go back and do something similar if I wanted to. I chose to believe that. And I chose to believe that it was okay and acceptable to walk away and try this thing. Because I wanted to try the thing.
I wanted to try this business and see what would happen. And to believe that if it didn't go the way I wanted it to or I didn't get the results I wanted to I could go back and still put a corporate career together. And that even going away and doing my own thing could be really useful to my future corporate career. Like maybe the next corporate job I would have gotten, if that had been my path, I would have been able to bring all this extra value because of my experience launching a business.
And from where I sit now I'm like, obviously, yes. I'm so good at so many things that I was not as good at before I launched my business. Obviously now I'm not trying to go back into a corporate career. I'm like, having my own business is awesome, even when there's little things that are really difficult.
Which, of course, there still are and I've been dealing with some of those recently, as I think I've mentioned on a few podcasts recently, but I'm not sure. Anyways, year-end stuff, having a business, moving states, it all brings up a bunch of stuff. But I'm going to handle it because I like having my own business.
Anyways, circling back around, so I think when a lot of people want to take a risk, they kind of get into black and white thinking, also called all or nothing thinking. Which is a way of thinking either I do this thing and it works out perfectly and then it's amazing and I'm happy. Or I do this thing and then it's terrible and it doesn't work out and everything is ruined.
And I think that can make trying to make a decision very challenging and very uncomfortable. Whereas in the real world, I think, first of all, things are not all or nothing. They're usually a little bit of everything. And we have the teaching that we talk about often on this podcast that life is 50/50.
So even though I left my corporate job and launched my business, like I was just saying, there's still things that I struggle with, still things I'm working on, et cetera. My life is not perfect now that I have a business, but I do like this version of my life a lot. And I'm really glad I did the work to create it.
But so when thinking about a risk and are we going to take the risk or not, I don't think it's helpful framing to look at the risk going like, “Is this going to make my life like the life of my dreams? Or will everything be ruined if I try this, and it doesn't work?” I don't think those are helpful frames. Versus, who can I become if I take this risk? How could this risk be amazing for me and my career, no matter what happens?
Now, those are framed varying of like looking at the positives of the risk. I think looking at the potential negatives is also useful. Like, what's the worst case scenario? What's the worst case scenario if I take this risk?
Now, I do think you got to kind of do this on purpose because if you don't, your brain will quietly be in there going, “The worst case scenario is everything is ruined.” Because that is kind of how the brain orients itself a lot of the time. It's scanning for danger, it's scanning for threats. It's scanning with its negativity bias for all the ways things could go wrong. And it likes the status quo.
And when I say it likes the status quo, I want to be really clear. How do I explain this? The brain prefers what it is used to. Yes, it does like novelty, that's a thing. But set that aside for now. The brain prefers what it's used to when it comes to keeping you alive. Because whatever it's used to, hasn't killed you yet.
This is very simplistic, but this is a thing the brain does. It will pick the thing it's used to even if the thing it's used to has known problems, when it thinks that going away from the thing it's used to is so unknown that it could be really dangerous. So it's a way your brain is trying to help you, but it doesn't always help you when it's doing that.
So it's really good for you to be aware of that on some level, anytime we take a risk, anytime we do something that we're not familiar with or haven't done before, whether it's leaving our corporate job like I did, or trying to negotiate a higher salary, or trying to tell your clients you're raising your prices. Whatever the thing is, the brain kind of kicks up this little storm of like, but what if this goes so badly that everything's ruined and then I'm alone, and I can't fix it, and death?
And it might not say death literally, but one thing I've really noticed with my brain, is if I purposefully pause and I'm like, “What's the worst case scenario?” It's usually not that bad. But until I do that, I get this like body feeling as though I'm in some kind of like life or death peril.
So, what's the worst case scenario. And actually think that through. And then this is also an important part, what would you do in that worst case scenario? So go back to my example, which was leaving my corporate job to start my business. The worst case scenario could have been I go get another job.
And so my brain could have done this thing where it's like, “No one will ever hire you again. No one wants to hire people who go try to start their own businesses.” Brains say all this kind of stuff because they're trying to keep us in the safety zone. But the reality is, people hire people who've been working in their own businesses all the time. And if you've got skills and if you are able to deliver value, you can get a new job.
Now, potentially, it could have been true that the very next new job I got wasn't as good as the one I had left. But it also could be true that it could have been a better fit or more pay or something like that. I've mentioned before, I think, on the podcast that I was laid off once. And that was not a very fun experience emotionally because my brain completely lost it shit about it. And the next job I got paid like 20K more and was a much better fit for me.
In the middle part before I knew what the next job was going to be felt terrible. And I was an anxious mess, and this was before I knew about the thought work and the coaching that I use now. So I was really, really an anxious mess. And I mean that was the most love for myself possible, just so y'all know. But even with me being an anxious mess and really struggling, I wound up in a great next job that kind of blew my mind and was way beyond all my wildest expectations.
So that's something, I think, to notice too. Our brains spend so much time thinking about the worst case scenario and all the different ways things could go wrong and we could get fucked. And they spend so little time, I find, thinking, unless we teach them to do this, about all the things that could be amazing, and all the ways that could go well, and all the magical things that could happen.
I think part of the reason we do this is sometimes if we spend time thinking about all the magical things that could happen, we get into like fantasy land. And I do think there's a slight difference here. So it's different to think about all the wonderful things that could happen. And then we're like, cool, I'm going to commit to making those happen. Versus fantasizing about how our life will be perfect when we just do this X, Y, Z thing.
Can y'all tell the difference with what I'm talking about here? I know you can't talk back to me because this is a podcast. But we're just being very casual this week and I'm just going to have a back and forth conversation with you, by myself. It's fine.
Okay, so let me explain it again, just to make sure it's captured. I do think there's a difference between catastrophizing, which is where we imagine all the ways it could be terrible. And then there's fantasizing, which is where we only imagine the ways it could be wonderful, but don't imagine ourselves being resilient to make it wonderful. And don't necessarily imagine maybe some things will go wrong and then we'll overcome them.
And then I think there's this third thing that I want to offer, which is thinking about all the ways that could go right, but in more of an active way, where I think sometimes the fantasizing is kind of passive. We’re just like, “And then it'll be great.” But then we don't do anything.
And even in the fantasies, it's like, everything's already perfect versus what I'm talking about is like, “And then I figure it out. And then I learned how to run my own business. And then I learned how to double my prices. And then I learned how to negotiate a salary.”
And it's more about teaching our brain through the mental imagery that we're imagining about being able to show up to a life that is imperfect and is full of tons of shit we don't like, and still succeed. Even when things don't go according to plan. And even when we get more information that if we had had it in the beginning might have changed what we were doing, and whether we were going to take on the risk or not.
But we didn't have that information and so now here we are. And so we're going to carry ourselves forward and we're going to look at the situation thinking, “How can I make this something beautiful for me, even if it's something I would never choose for myself?”
Okay, so that was kind of a rant. But basically, I think the main idea I want y'all to take away from this is that when it comes to risk, there's not a right and wrong. There's not good risks and bad risks. A lot of people will tell you that they are.
Now, I do think there can be risks that are statistically wise and risks that are statistically riskier, which is a hilarious thing to say, risks that are riskier. Anyways, you know what I'm talking about here. But also, what I believe is that you are the one who gets to make your choices. You have the authority, you have the intelligence. And also you get to make choices that are riskier if that's what you want to do.
Just because no one's done it before and it's statistically riskier, doesn't mean it's not possible. And doesn't mean it's not possible for you. I'm going to talk about the example that I know I've talked about before, which is Roger Bannister, who was the first person to run the four minute mile.
And before he did that, they literally thought it was impossible. They thought the human body couldn't do it. And he was like, I'm going to fucking do that shit. I don't know what he was like, I just like to make up my little story about him. He might have been like, I'm just going to try. I don't know.
But the point is he did it. And then a bunch of other people did it too, because they then were able to believe, oh, it's possible, so then I can do it. When people believe something is possible, it does make it easier to do.
Being the first person to do it, or one of the first people, I think that takes more of us believing in ourselves, even when society and the rest of the world may be looking at us like we're crazy. But you got to imagine, if people thought it was scientifically impossible to run a four minute mile, what did it take internally for that person to be like, “I'm going to keep doing this until I get it.”
And that might not be something that you would traditionally look at and think of as a risk. But I would argue that it is because it's risking looking crazy to other people, risking being ridiculed, risking people thinking you're wasting your time. What would it have to be like?
If you want to take a risk, if you want to be the first or if you want to do something that other people think you can't do, what do you need internally? What kind of internal narrative? What kind of self-talk do you need to have like inside of yourself in order to be able to go out and do that work?
Now, humans are social mammals, and I do believe community is really important. And I believe getting a group of people who support us is really beneficial. And what I also know to be true is you can build up enough internal belief that even if no one else believes in you, you can do incredible, crazy, magical things that will blow your mind and blow other people's mind.
So I just wanted to like wrap that into this too, because I think especially when talking about risks, a lot of us tend to look around at our community, our friends, our family and go like, “What do you think is safe? What do you think is safe?” And we sort of crowdsource that versus being like, “What do I want to fucking do? Who do I want to be? What kind of risks do I want to take, and why?”
Living is a risk, if we want to get right down to it. Being a human in the world is just full of risk. None of us know what's going to happen. Everything's uncertainty, safe bets aren't always safe bets. That doesn't mean you have to go out and take a bunch of wild risks either. But I just think it's important to be honest with yourself about the fact that nothing's guaranteed for any of us.
And if that is the case, what risks do you want to choose to take? Why do you want to choose to take them? Make sure you're good with yourself on those reasons. And then what story do you want to choose to tell to yourself about your own risk-taking, whether you get the thing you're trying to get or not?
Because even if you take the risk and don't get the thing you're trying to get, you can tell yourself the story that you're a badass and that you can keep going and that you can get there later or you can get something else that's amazing.
There has been so much failure for me in running a business. Just truly incredible amounts of failure. And I've had to become someone who can tolerate that failure in order to keep going. But becoming someone who could tolerate that failure has been like the best thing that's ever happened to me. And it's made it possible for me to do all kinds of crazy things that were not available for younger me because she couldn't tolerate the discomfort of not succeeding.
So I just think that's an important mention too, being able to tell a beautiful story about your own risk-taking is going to make risk-taking much more fun when you choose to do it. And you get to do it when you want to, and you get to tell a beautiful story about yourself when you choose not to risk take too. So basically, risk take whenever you want, know your reasons, but tell a beautiful story to yourself about yourself either way.
All right, that's what I have for y'all this week. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
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