75. Doing it Your Way
There is so much expert advice in the world of career and business about all kinds of things.
And a lot of the time, that advice is solid.
But that doesn’t mean you have to follow it.
It doesn’t mean you have to do what the experts say or do it in the exact way they say to do it.
It doesn’t even mean things would go better for you if you did.
It just means that those experts think this thing is useful. Depending on who the expert is, you might want to try their advice. Or you might not.
Or you might want to put your own twist on the expert’s advice.
I was having a conversation recently with a friend of mine who is an architect. She’s really into creating buildings and spaces that are high design.
We were discussing networking, and she was saying she doesn’t like going to big networking events. But the way she said it, it was like, “I know I should, but…”
And this got me thinking, if she doesn’t want to design buildings that look like everyone else’s, why would she expect herself to network like everyone else (or the way experts say to)?
We had so much fun discussing what the high-design version of networking could look like, and how she could network in a way that was fun and satisfying for her.
And we didn’t stop with just thinking about networking, because this idea of “what’s the high design version” can apply to so many areas of our lives and careers.
What’s the high design version of leading a team? What’s does a high design marriage look like? What’s a high design way of parenting?
High design might not be the thing for you, but you definitely have unique ideas and insights and preferences. What if they could be super powers in figuring out how to you want to run your career and your life?
What if you could combine expert advice with your own interests and ideas to create something truly incredible?
In this week’s podcast, we’re going to talk through exactly how to do just that. And I can’t wait to see what you create by adding your own unique flavor to all the wonderful expert advice the world has to offer us.
If you want to supercharge your capacity to create a life that blows your mind, I have some one-on-one coaching slots opening up soon. Send me an email and let's talk about it or click here to schedule a call with me and we’ll see if we’re a good fit to start working together!
If there are topics y’all want me to talk about on the podcast, feel free to write in and let me know by clicking here! I’d love to hear from you!
I have a super fun announcement. This July, I’m launching my group coaching program Satisfied as F*ck. It’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever designed in my life, so if you want to come together and be part of a community, build relationships, and figure things out so your life can feel satisfied as f*ck, click here to sign up to the waitlist.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
Why you’re always allowed to do things your own way.
How to decide what it would look like to start doing things on your own terms.
The reason creating your life following everyone else’s rules is not working for so many people.
Why following the experts feels comfortable and safer and why you might want to choose the growth and learning that come from doing it your way.
What I’ve learned from doing things my way in the progression of my own business.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about how to do things your way.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey, y'all. Happy Wednesday. I have something to talk to y'all about that I'm so excited. So I was having a phone call with a friend the other day, and this friend is an architect. So she is really into like high design, right? Like making high design buildings.
And we were talking about networking, and she was saying she doesn't like to go to big networking events, but like virtual ones, I think they were virtual that we were talking about, right? So it’s like not wanting to go to these virtual networking events. You know, there's all this common advice in the career world, in the business world, and the life world, the love world, all the things, right?
There's always all this advice of like this is how you do things. And this is how you blah, blah, blah. And you have to do these things. And so one of the things that is pretty common is this idea that to get business, you have to network. And that networking means like specific things.
And she and I were talking about this, and I was just like, “Okay, but you don't want to design buildings that look just like everyone else's buildings. So why would you do networking? Why would you tell yourself you have to do networking in the way that everyone else does networking? Like, why would you do that? That doesn't make sense. What would be the high design version of this?”
And we kind of like jammed on this topic and it was a really cool conversation about what if we oriented everything to that? Like what's the high design version of networking? What's the high design version of leading a team? What's the high design marriage? What's the high design way of parenting? What's the high design way of approaching your health?
And what I like about this idea was it was cued in to something that already really matters to her and an area where she already feels really confident. And it was also all about her being able to do things her way, versus having to do them the way that “experts” and literal experts maybe have said she has to do them.
And I think this is such a compelling idea, especially in a world where we have so much access to information. I read so many books written by experts, I read so many articles, I listen to so many podcasts. Like we have the fucking internet, we can just consume, and consume, and consume information and learn all these things that all these important, smart people say or like how to do stuff.
And it's not that that's wrong. That's not wrong at all. And it's a great asset. It's a great skill to be able to go learn from people who have already done the thing you want to do, or who have done a bunch of science about how things work. Listen, I talk about other people's ideas and like stuff like that and share science and things all the time here on the podcast.
But also, I want to be very clear that you are allowed to do things your own way. You are encouraged by me, right now, to do things your own way. And that it doesn't matter how many fucking experts are out there saying like, “You have to do blah, blah, blah to succeed.”
It might be wise to do blah, blah, blah. There might be data that suggests doing blah, blah, blah really works. But also, I am here for possibility. Like that is what I'm all about. And so just because someone else hasn't figured out a way to do it without doing blah, blah, blah, doesn't mean you can't figure out a way to do it without doing blah, blah, blah.
And I realize this speech may sound a little less exciting because I keep saying blah, blah, blah. But you know what? That's the way I'm doing it, so that's where we're doing it here. Okay.
So, basically, what I am saying is I'm inviting you to believe that you can do things that have never been done before. I'm inviting you to believe that you can do things in ways that have never been done before, right?
So take anything, let's take salary negotiations. There are like the rules of salary negotiations that are like here's what the experts say about how to do it. But that doesn't mean you have to do it that way. You get to decide what you want to do. You get to decide what seems fun to you. You get to take risks that other people think are crazy. You get to not take risks that other people think makes sense.
And I think this is so important because so many people right now that I talk to are craving a satisfying, delicious life for them, but they're trying to create it by following every fucking one else's rules. And that is not working for a lot of people, right?
And this is a lot of what like socialization is about too. Our social conditioning, the messages that we receive as children, they're telling us like this is how you have a good life. This is how you be meaningful. This is how you matter. This is what's important. This is how you do this. This is how you do that.
And a lot of that social conditioning is not working for people, right? It's creating lives where people are burnt out. It’s creating lives where people feel like shit. It's creating lives where people feel overwhelmed. It's creating lives where people are getting married and having kids when they don't even want to do that because that's what culture and society say having the good life is.
So, basically, this whole podcast this week is about what would it look like to do it your way? What would it look like to figure out what would be fun and interesting for you, versus doing things the way that the experts say you have to, right?
So maybe you have a business, like my friend the architect, and you want to get clients. And the common teaching is like, oh, you get clients by going to big networking events. But you don't want to. What is the way in which you would want to do it? What seems fun and interesting to you?
For the architect, the idea of high design, that spoke to her. But that might not speak to you. For you it might be something else, right? Like maybe your whole thing is you love witty banter, right? I don't know, I just pulled that off the top of my head.
If you like witty banter but you're going to networking events and trying to be serious and look like a businessperson, arguably, you could be getting clients more slowly than if you were being yourself and doing witty banter, if that's what you like.
And actually, I have some great examples of this from my own career because when I first launched my coaching business, I was like, “I'm a career coach so I need to look like a professional serious person, and I need to wear blazers.” Listen, I still like blazers, but I also like crop tops.
And now I'm like, “You know what? If I want to wear a crop top in my social media picture, I'm going to fucking do it. And that's who I want to be.” And I do think when I first started my business I was like, “I’m going to teach people how to have a better career.” But I was still struggling with so much of how to let myself be the person I wanted to be in my own career, even in my business.
And that's really been something I've been developing over the years. And I think that's good to share with y'all because it's not a one and done. And you also don't have to be perfect to be helping people. Like back when I was trying to be kind of more serious and professional than I actually wanted to be, I was still able to coach people and add value.
So I'm not like trying to shit on that past version of me. But I just want to point out that it's taken a lot of growth and learning for me to actually be able to do this thing that I'm inviting to do.
And I think that's important because if you are like, “I too want to wear crop tops and do high design networking,” or whatever you want to do, and then you go to do that and it feels fucking hard and terrifying, that's okay. I'm with you. You’re in a safe space with that because doing the things that the experts say to do, does feel safer. Because we're counting on the experts to know.
Whereas when we're like, “How would I do it? How do I want to do it? What would it be to be high design? What would it be to do whatever my thing is?” Right, like witty banter, you know, whatever. When we're doing it our way, we can no longer take the safety from the fact that we're following the experts.
When we're following experts, when we're following our social conditioning, all of that, it's like part of us is like, “Well, I'll be safe because I'm deferring to these experts.” So what we're doing is we're kind of like assigning them responsibility for our safety. And we're trying to create safety by following rules, basically. And what I am pitching to you today is that you don't have to do that. And actually, it can be much more fun and much more success creating to not do that.
Also, here's what I discovered, I could get business success doing it that way. But then I had a business I didn't like very much. So one of the things about running a business for me has been that I've been building and then unbuilding, and then rebuilding, and then unbuilding, and then rebuilding my business over, and over, and over, and over, and over again since I launched it a little under four years ago.
And that's what happens when we're unlearning our socialization. We don't unlearn it all overnight, we unlearn it bit by bit. And me being myself in my business and me doing it my way, it's like a progression, it's like a spectrum. It's been a spectrum and I've been coming more and more into it.
And guess what? Five years from now I'll probably be doing things my way in a way that right now would blow my fucking mind. So this is not at all about being perfect. But it's about inviting yourself to try different things. And in a lot of ways this is also about like, maybe it's a little bit about like following your intuition, following like little gut ideas about what might be useful, or interesting, or successful, or good, or feel nice.
But it's also about tuning into yourself and going, “How do I want to do it?” And then seeing what information comes up and then deciding what you want to do with that information. And you don't have to implement it all right away. I knew that I wanted to wear crop tops in my marketing materials for a really long time before I posted my first picture in a crop top.
And honestly I don't post that many in a crop top because I don't post my torso in that many of my photos. Mostly my photos are like silly selfies or like head shots that my amazing friend Shana took like, and at this point it's been a few years since she took them. So the crop top acceptance has not been in effect long enough that any of my old head shots involve crop tops.
Never did I ever think I was going to record a podcast for y'all that said the word crop tops so much. But here it is and you're welcome.
So the thing about this is this is an example of something that is probably going to feel really yummy, but also a lot like shit at the same time. My coach Kara Loewentheil calls this barf club. And barf club is when you're doing something that's moving you more in line with your values, moving you more in line with who you want to be, but also just feels wildly uncomfortable.
And honestly, the whole entire experience of building my business has been mostly barf club, with like a lot of delight and celebration as well. But anytime I was doing something that I'd never done before, or trying something new, it felt like barf club. And this does too, because, again, we're like leaving that safety behind.
But I just want to offer to you that we're not actually leaving safety behind. We're leaving what I'm going to call faux safety behind. Because following expert advice doesn't guarantee us anything. Doing things the way we were told to do doesn't guarantee us anything.
And a lot of times when people live their lives that way, then they wind up with a life that they don't really like. They wind up with a career they want to run away from. They wind up with a relationship they can't be themselves in. They wind up with a house that they can't afford sometimes. Like that happens also when people are trying to do things in this way that other people say to do versus the way that they want to do them.
So what I'm offering to you is not a risk-free way, there are no risk-free ways. What I'm offering to you is that there's risk in everything. There's risk in following what the experts say, and there's risk also in choosing for yourself how you want to do things and who you want to be.
And listen, let's not apply black and white thinking to this, let's not be a total perfectionist about it. I still follow lots of expert advice, right? Like I brush my teeth twice a day, I floss once a day, I eat a fuckload of vegetables, I drink a lot of water.
But I realize that I'm in charge of my life and I don't want to defer the delight and the responsibility of that to what other people think I should be doing because other people aren't me. And other people are human and fallible, and they can be just as wrong as I can.
And at the end of my life I want to believe, and know, and see that I made something for me. And that I did it in a way that felt good to me. And I'm willing to do some failure, and probably some spectacular failure along the way to get there.
Because when we want to do something that's never been done, when we want to do something in a way that's never been done, yeah, it might not work the first time. It might not work the 38th time. But also we have the potential to create something fucking mind blowing that the world's never seen before.
We have the ability to disrupt industries. We have the ability to change what everyone else thinks they should be doing, right? Because there's always an expert who says to do one thing, and then some new expert comes along and says, “No, we're going to do this other thing.” And then five years later, everyone's following that new expert. You could be the new expert.
You could be the new expert on how to negotiate a salary increase. You could be the new expert on how to get a new job. You could be the new expert on how to get more business. You could be the new expert on how to do motion graphic design. You could be the new expert. And that doesn't mean you have to be, it doesn't mean you have to want to be. I just want you to know it's an option.
I just want you to know that if you want to do things your way, you're allowed to. You were always allowed to, but our culture has probably encouraged you not to. So I want to be the one who encourages you to do whatever the fuck you want for whatever reasons you want. Because you're a whole ass adult and you get to build your life.
And here's the thing, you already are the one building your life. Whether you're building it by what experts say or whether you're building it by what you decide, you're the one doing all of that. So just be honest with yourself that you are in total choice. Not about everything, listen, I know there are external circumstances like we live in a heteronormative, white supremacist, patriarchal culture with like lots and lots of bullshit. I'm not saying that's not real, it is.
But I am saying that who you choose to be in that is up to you and that you do not have to listen to experts. And I would say, especially if the experts don't understand your lived experience, maybe they shouldn't be the people who you listen to. Like you can if you want to, but you can also take what they say and edit it, revise it, make it work for you.
You can make it your own instead of just trying to do things the way that other people tell you to and either hating it, or like then you don't do it and you feel guilty for it. Because that's what was going to happen with my friend, was she was like, “I just don't want to do that.” And I was like, “Okay, then why would you? And what if we just believed that you could do it this other way and get better results? And let's just make that happen and then we can be the example of what we want to be possible.” Right?
Kind of like I don't think people should work 40 hours a week. Listen, if you want to, whatever. But I don't think we should have to, I don't think it should be the normal. I've read about studies where they reduced the work hours to like 30 instead of 40 and they compressed and they like, basically, I'm sure some shit didn't get done, but the important things still got done. And I'm like, “Yeah, let's all do that.” Right?
So if I'm letting the experts tell me what my life needs to be like, they're like well work is something we do for 40 hours a week and like da, da, da, and this is how we do it. And I'm just like, “No, fuck that. That's not the life I want, I'm not doing it that way.” But now I have to figure out how to do it my way and make it work. But I was going to have to do that anyways, because even if I worked 40 hours, I'm still the one who has to figure it out and make it work, right?
So who do you want to be? It's a big question. But like, who do you want to be? What do you want to do in your life? What other areas in your life where trying to do it the way other people has told you to is creating chafing?
Because if doing things where other people have told you to is like working for you and it feels great, maybe we leave that for now. And if doing things the way other people have told you to, like you don't love it, but you're like, yeah, it's probably wise. Like, that's how I feel about flossing. It's like not my favorite but I'm like, “I'm going to do it.” The data in my personal life seems to corroborate that I get fewer cavities, so I'm going to do it.
But if there are things where trying to follow the rules or do it another person's way is creating severe chafing, emotional chafing, or literal chafing, any chafing, right? How would you like to do it? And pull in your own super strengths or pull in the things that are meaningful to you and then use that as a frame.
Like for my friend, it was the high design. I don't know what it's going to be for you. But pull those in and give yourself a way to see this problem through a different lens, as something solvable where there could be an option that feels fucking delicious to you. And yeah, it'll still feel scary, because you'll be making yourself the expert versus deferring to another one. But it could feel amazing too.
And that's what I want for you, I want you to have a satisfying as fuck, one of a kind, wildly delicious to your life and career. And this is part of how we make that happen, is admitting to ourselves that we can do things our way. And we don't have to do what everyone else says we have to do.
All right, that's what I have for you this week. But if you want to do more of the things your way and you're struggling to implement that on your own, I want you to go over to my website and sign up for a one on one coaching consult call. I want to talk to you about how we can do more of the things your way in your life. And then we can also talk about working together if that seems like something you want to do.
All right, thanks, y'all. Have a lovely rest of your day and I will talk to you next week. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey, y'all. Happy Wednesday. I have something to talk to y'all about that I'm so excited. So I was having a phone call with a friend the other day, and this friend is an architect. So she is really into like high design, right? Like making high design buildings.
And we were talking about networking, and she was saying she doesn't like to go to big networking events, but like virtual ones, I think they were virtual that we were talking about, right? So it’s like not wanting to go to these virtual networking events. You know, there's all this common advice in the career world, in the business world, and the life world, the love world, all the things, right?
There's always all this advice of like this is how you do things. And this is how you blah, blah, blah. And you have to do these things. And so one of the things that is pretty common is this idea that to get business, you have to network. And that networking means like specific things.
And she and I were talking about this, and I was just like, “Okay, but you don't want to design buildings that look just like everyone else's buildings. So why would you do networking? Why would you tell yourself you have to do networking in the way that everyone else does networking? Like, why would you do that? That doesn't make sense. What would be the high design version of this?”
And we kind of like jammed on this topic and it was a really cool conversation about what if we oriented everything to that? Like what's the high design version of networking? What's the high design version of leading a team? What's the high design marriage? What's the high design way of parenting? What's the high design way of approaching your health?
And what I like about this idea was it was cued in to something that already really matters to her and an area where she already feels really confident. And it was also all about her being able to do things her way, versus having to do them the way that “experts” and literal experts maybe have said she has to do them.
And I think this is such a compelling idea, especially in a world where we have so much access to information. I read so many books written by experts, I read so many articles, I listen to so many podcasts. Like we have the fucking internet, we can just consume, and consume, and consume information and learn all these things that all these important, smart people say or like how to do stuff.
And it's not that that's wrong. That's not wrong at all. And it's a great asset. It's a great skill to be able to go learn from people who have already done the thing you want to do, or who have done a bunch of science about how things work. Listen, I talk about other people's ideas and like stuff like that and share science and things all the time here on the podcast.
But also, I want to be very clear that you are allowed to do things your own way. You are encouraged by me, right now, to do things your own way. And that it doesn't matter how many fucking experts are out there saying like, “You have to do blah, blah, blah to succeed.”
It might be wise to do blah, blah, blah. There might be data that suggests doing blah, blah, blah really works. But also, I am here for possibility. Like that is what I'm all about. And so just because someone else hasn't figured out a way to do it without doing blah, blah, blah, doesn't mean you can't figure out a way to do it without doing blah, blah, blah.
And I realize this speech may sound a little less exciting because I keep saying blah, blah, blah. But you know what? That's the way I'm doing it, so that's where we're doing it here. Okay.
So, basically, what I am saying is I'm inviting you to believe that you can do things that have never been done before. I'm inviting you to believe that you can do things in ways that have never been done before, right?
So take anything, let's take salary negotiations. There are like the rules of salary negotiations that are like here's what the experts say about how to do it. But that doesn't mean you have to do it that way. You get to decide what you want to do. You get to decide what seems fun to you. You get to take risks that other people think are crazy. You get to not take risks that other people think makes sense.
And I think this is so important because so many people right now that I talk to are craving a satisfying, delicious life for them, but they're trying to create it by following every fucking one else's rules. And that is not working for a lot of people, right?
And this is a lot of what like socialization is about too. Our social conditioning, the messages that we receive as children, they're telling us like this is how you have a good life. This is how you be meaningful. This is how you matter. This is what's important. This is how you do this. This is how you do that.
And a lot of that social conditioning is not working for people, right? It's creating lives where people are burnt out. It’s creating lives where people feel like shit. It's creating lives where people feel overwhelmed. It's creating lives where people are getting married and having kids when they don't even want to do that because that's what culture and society say having the good life is.
So, basically, this whole podcast this week is about what would it look like to do it your way? What would it look like to figure out what would be fun and interesting for you, versus doing things the way that the experts say you have to, right?
So maybe you have a business, like my friend the architect, and you want to get clients. And the common teaching is like, oh, you get clients by going to big networking events. But you don't want to. What is the way in which you would want to do it? What seems fun and interesting to you?
For the architect, the idea of high design, that spoke to her. But that might not speak to you. For you it might be something else, right? Like maybe your whole thing is you love witty banter, right? I don't know, I just pulled that off the top of my head.
If you like witty banter but you're going to networking events and trying to be serious and look like a businessperson, arguably, you could be getting clients more slowly than if you were being yourself and doing witty banter, if that's what you like.
And actually, I have some great examples of this from my own career because when I first launched my coaching business, I was like, “I'm a career coach so I need to look like a professional serious person, and I need to wear blazers.” Listen, I still like blazers, but I also like crop tops.
And now I'm like, “You know what? If I want to wear a crop top in my social media picture, I'm going to fucking do it. And that's who I want to be.” And I do think when I first started my business I was like, “I’m going to teach people how to have a better career.” But I was still struggling with so much of how to let myself be the person I wanted to be in my own career, even in my business.
And that's really been something I've been developing over the years. And I think that's good to share with y'all because it's not a one and done. And you also don't have to be perfect to be helping people. Like back when I was trying to be kind of more serious and professional than I actually wanted to be, I was still able to coach people and add value.
So I'm not like trying to shit on that past version of me. But I just want to point out that it's taken a lot of growth and learning for me to actually be able to do this thing that I'm inviting to do.
And I think that's important because if you are like, “I too want to wear crop tops and do high design networking,” or whatever you want to do, and then you go to do that and it feels fucking hard and terrifying, that's okay. I'm with you. You’re in a safe space with that because doing the things that the experts say to do, does feel safer. Because we're counting on the experts to know.
Whereas when we're like, “How would I do it? How do I want to do it? What would it be to be high design? What would it be to do whatever my thing is?” Right, like witty banter, you know, whatever. When we're doing it our way, we can no longer take the safety from the fact that we're following the experts.
When we're following experts, when we're following our social conditioning, all of that, it's like part of us is like, “Well, I'll be safe because I'm deferring to these experts.” So what we're doing is we're kind of like assigning them responsibility for our safety. And we're trying to create safety by following rules, basically. And what I am pitching to you today is that you don't have to do that. And actually, it can be much more fun and much more success creating to not do that.
Also, here's what I discovered, I could get business success doing it that way. But then I had a business I didn't like very much. So one of the things about running a business for me has been that I've been building and then unbuilding, and then rebuilding, and then unbuilding, and then rebuilding my business over, and over, and over, and over, and over again since I launched it a little under four years ago.
And that's what happens when we're unlearning our socialization. We don't unlearn it all overnight, we unlearn it bit by bit. And me being myself in my business and me doing it my way, it's like a progression, it's like a spectrum. It's been a spectrum and I've been coming more and more into it.
And guess what? Five years from now I'll probably be doing things my way in a way that right now would blow my fucking mind. So this is not at all about being perfect. But it's about inviting yourself to try different things. And in a lot of ways this is also about like, maybe it's a little bit about like following your intuition, following like little gut ideas about what might be useful, or interesting, or successful, or good, or feel nice.
But it's also about tuning into yourself and going, “How do I want to do it?” And then seeing what information comes up and then deciding what you want to do with that information. And you don't have to implement it all right away. I knew that I wanted to wear crop tops in my marketing materials for a really long time before I posted my first picture in a crop top.
And honestly I don't post that many in a crop top because I don't post my torso in that many of my photos. Mostly my photos are like silly selfies or like head shots that my amazing friend Shana took like, and at this point it's been a few years since she took them. So the crop top acceptance has not been in effect long enough that any of my old head shots involve crop tops.
Never did I ever think I was going to record a podcast for y'all that said the word crop tops so much. But here it is and you're welcome.
So the thing about this is this is an example of something that is probably going to feel really yummy, but also a lot like shit at the same time. My coach Kara Loewentheil calls this barf club. And barf club is when you're doing something that's moving you more in line with your values, moving you more in line with who you want to be, but also just feels wildly uncomfortable.
And honestly, the whole entire experience of building my business has been mostly barf club, with like a lot of delight and celebration as well. But anytime I was doing something that I'd never done before, or trying something new, it felt like barf club. And this does too, because, again, we're like leaving that safety behind.
But I just want to offer to you that we're not actually leaving safety behind. We're leaving what I'm going to call faux safety behind. Because following expert advice doesn't guarantee us anything. Doing things the way we were told to do doesn't guarantee us anything.
And a lot of times when people live their lives that way, then they wind up with a life that they don't really like. They wind up with a career they want to run away from. They wind up with a relationship they can't be themselves in. They wind up with a house that they can't afford sometimes. Like that happens also when people are trying to do things in this way that other people say to do versus the way that they want to do them.
So what I'm offering to you is not a risk-free way, there are no risk-free ways. What I'm offering to you is that there's risk in everything. There's risk in following what the experts say, and there's risk also in choosing for yourself how you want to do things and who you want to be.
And listen, let's not apply black and white thinking to this, let's not be a total perfectionist about it. I still follow lots of expert advice, right? Like I brush my teeth twice a day, I floss once a day, I eat a fuckload of vegetables, I drink a lot of water.
But I realize that I'm in charge of my life and I don't want to defer the delight and the responsibility of that to what other people think I should be doing because other people aren't me. And other people are human and fallible, and they can be just as wrong as I can.
And at the end of my life I want to believe, and know, and see that I made something for me. And that I did it in a way that felt good to me. And I'm willing to do some failure, and probably some spectacular failure along the way to get there.
Because when we want to do something that's never been done, when we want to do something in a way that's never been done, yeah, it might not work the first time. It might not work the 38th time. But also we have the potential to create something fucking mind blowing that the world's never seen before.
We have the ability to disrupt industries. We have the ability to change what everyone else thinks they should be doing, right? Because there's always an expert who says to do one thing, and then some new expert comes along and says, “No, we're going to do this other thing.” And then five years later, everyone's following that new expert. You could be the new expert.
You could be the new expert on how to negotiate a salary increase. You could be the new expert on how to get a new job. You could be the new expert on how to get more business. You could be the new expert on how to do motion graphic design. You could be the new expert. And that doesn't mean you have to be, it doesn't mean you have to want to be. I just want you to know it's an option.
I just want you to know that if you want to do things your way, you're allowed to. You were always allowed to, but our culture has probably encouraged you not to. So I want to be the one who encourages you to do whatever the fuck you want for whatever reasons you want. Because you're a whole ass adult and you get to build your life.
And here's the thing, you already are the one building your life. Whether you're building it by what experts say or whether you're building it by what you decide, you're the one doing all of that. So just be honest with yourself that you are in total choice. Not about everything, listen, I know there are external circumstances like we live in a heteronormative, white supremacist, patriarchal culture with like lots and lots of bullshit. I'm not saying that's not real, it is.
But I am saying that who you choose to be in that is up to you and that you do not have to listen to experts. And I would say, especially if the experts don't understand your lived experience, maybe they shouldn't be the people who you listen to. Like you can if you want to, but you can also take what they say and edit it, revise it, make it work for you.
You can make it your own instead of just trying to do things the way that other people tell you to and either hating it, or like then you don't do it and you feel guilty for it. Because that's what was going to happen with my friend, was she was like, “I just don't want to do that.” And I was like, “Okay, then why would you? And what if we just believed that you could do it this other way and get better results? And let's just make that happen and then we can be the example of what we want to be possible.” Right?
Kind of like I don't think people should work 40 hours a week. Listen, if you want to, whatever. But I don't think we should have to, I don't think it should be the normal. I've read about studies where they reduced the work hours to like 30 instead of 40 and they compressed and they like, basically, I'm sure some shit didn't get done, but the important things still got done. And I'm like, “Yeah, let's all do that.” Right?
So if I'm letting the experts tell me what my life needs to be like, they're like well work is something we do for 40 hours a week and like da, da, da, and this is how we do it. And I'm just like, “No, fuck that. That's not the life I want, I'm not doing it that way.” But now I have to figure out how to do it my way and make it work. But I was going to have to do that anyways, because even if I worked 40 hours, I'm still the one who has to figure it out and make it work, right?
So who do you want to be? It's a big question. But like, who do you want to be? What do you want to do in your life? What other areas in your life where trying to do it the way other people has told you to is creating chafing?
Because if doing things where other people have told you to is like working for you and it feels great, maybe we leave that for now. And if doing things the way other people have told you to, like you don't love it, but you're like, yeah, it's probably wise. Like, that's how I feel about flossing. It's like not my favorite but I'm like, “I'm going to do it.” The data in my personal life seems to corroborate that I get fewer cavities, so I'm going to do it.
But if there are things where trying to follow the rules or do it another person's way is creating severe chafing, emotional chafing, or literal chafing, any chafing, right? How would you like to do it? And pull in your own super strengths or pull in the things that are meaningful to you and then use that as a frame.
Like for my friend, it was the high design. I don't know what it's going to be for you. But pull those in and give yourself a way to see this problem through a different lens, as something solvable where there could be an option that feels fucking delicious to you. And yeah, it'll still feel scary, because you'll be making yourself the expert versus deferring to another one. But it could feel amazing too.
And that's what I want for you, I want you to have a satisfying as fuck, one of a kind, wildly delicious to your life and career. And this is part of how we make that happen, is admitting to ourselves that we can do things our way. And we don't have to do what everyone else says we have to do.
All right, that's what I have for you this week. But if you want to do more of the things your way and you're struggling to implement that on your own, I want you to go over to my website and sign up for a one on one coaching consult call. I want to talk to you about how we can do more of the things your way in your life. And then we can also talk about working together if that seems like something you want to do.
All right, thanks, y'all. Have a lovely rest of your day and I will talk to you next week. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
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