Money mindset: money and burnout

Burnout happens when we try to create positive results with negative thoughts and feelings.

And while we LOVE money, it also tends to be something that we have many negative thoughts and feelings about.

And it tends to be an area where we try to use those negative thoughts and feelings to create better behavior.

But instead, we just create burnout.

And then we give up and return to our old money habits, even though they're exactly what we don't want to be doing.

Why does this happen?

Money is something that we have a ton of social conditioning about, and like the social conditioning we receive as womxn, it's deeply conflicted. 

For most of us, we're like, yeah, money is great. I'd like more of it, please. 

And especially as fierce, empowered womxn, we want to make fair money for the work we do. We want to be well-compensated. 

And that sounds all good and well. We do good work. We earn good money. 

But here's what happens. 

We also have a lot of old cultural ideas about money that we haven't deprogrammed yet. Ideas that we didn't choose on purpose, but that we picked up from the culture at large, often during childhood.

Ideas like "money is the root of all evil," and "rich people only care about themselves," and "there's only so much to go around." 

On top of that, we have the ideas we learned about ourselves and money, which could be things like "I'm not good with money," "I never have enough money," and "money isn't a priority for me." 

Even if you don't like these ideas or wouldn't choose them on purpose, you may still subconsciously believe them. For some of them, you might even consciously believe them. They might just seem like the truth to you.

(What we believe often just FEELS true to us, even when it's a subjective assessment, not an objective fact.)

So here's what happens. You want a raise at work. But part of you still believes that money is bad. Not the adult, conscious part of you, who has a mortgage and kids to feed. But it's just this whisper of "Is it ok to want more money?"

And then you're bargaining with yourself, telling yourself money isn't the most important thing to you anyways. You're talking yourself out of asking for what you want, because you have old social conditioning trolling you from inside your own head. 

Let's consider another example. 

When you were younger, you thought if you could just earn more, you'd be golden. You'd totally have enough money for everything, all the time. You'd get to buy the clothes you want, live where you want, drive whatever car you want. 

But now you earn even more than you were aiming for and yet you're still living paycheck to paycheck. You still don't have a significant savings. You know you make a lot of money, but you aren't even sure where it's all going. 

You're worried and annoyed and you try to change your spending habits. You try to pay attention to where your money is going. But it just doesn't work. And a few weeks later, you're looking at $0.08 in your bank account balance and wondering where all your money went. 

Or here's another thing that I see happen with money. You make good money and you're living within your means, but you're still scared about money. You obsess about it. You look at your bank account balance all the time, "just in case."

While you now are very stable financially, you don't feel stable. You always thought that when you "had enough money," you'd relax and feel safe. But now you do have enough, and instead, you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, taking all your money with it. 

No matter which money situation is the most like you, or even if you have a different money situation entirely, changing how you think about money can change everything else.

Why?

Because when you change how you think, you change how you feel and act. 

And it's super fun to do this with money, because it can be really easy to see how fast things can change when you change your thinking.

Right now, you probably think about money in two main ways: pining and complaining. 

Pining is the "XYZ would be better if only I had more money." Sounds fun, but it feels like shit. And since it feels like shit, it will lead to burnout and bad results. 

I am fairly confident you know what complaining is, but let's discuss it anyways.

Complaining about money is listing all the ways that you don't have enough or that your money life isn't working. 

Makes sense, right?

But guess what else counts as complaining? All the things you think about money being bad, or that there's not enough of it, or that "things shouldn't be this way" re: money. 

Yep. That's also complaining.

Here's what's not complaining: stating the facts. 

For instance, it's a fact that statistically men are paid more on the dollar. It's also a fact that womxn are also paid disproportionately to each other based on a variety of factors including race. 

You see the difference, right?

Of course you do.

(And if you don't, that's ok, too. Email me and we'll discuss.)

Ok. So when we pine and complain, that clearly doesn't work. Because it feels terrible and keeps us focused on what's not working and/or just wishing things would magically be different.

So what does work? What will help us change our money mindset so that we can create some new results?

First, take a moment to notice all the cultural messaging you've received around money. It's not your fault that you received it. But it is in your head now. 

So just take a moment and see that it's there, influencing you. 

And then, decide what you want to think instead. 

What do you want to believe about money?

Here's what I want to believe: money is neutral, and how we choose to use it is everything. 

I want to create a lot of money, because I want to serve a lot of clients, and money is a byproduct of that.

And then I want to take the money I make and use it to support other businesses and goods and services that align with my values. 

To me, money is a vehicle for joy and beauty and integrity and fun. 

And I chose to think that way about money on purpose. Because I like how it feels and I like how I show up when I think that way. 

How do you want to think about money? How do you want to feel?

What kind of thoughts and ideas will help you ask for the promotion you want?

What kind of thoughts will help you lovingly rebalance your spending, as a gift to yourself and not as a punishment?

What kind of thoughts will help you feel safe and enjoy the money you have, instead of always waiting for something terrible to happen to it?

What would your life be like if money were something you never worried about again?