Imposter Syndrome 2020

As we head into the fall of the wild and weird year that is 2020, it's time to revisit the topic of imposter syndrome.

It sort of feels like the world is on fire right now, like imposter syndrome isn’t necessarily top of mind, but for people who struggle with imposter syndrome, it’s never all that far from top of mind. 

And right now, I see many, many people still struggling with this, some of whom are maybe even struggling more now than they did before 2020 had its way with them. (Read: when they weren’t also trying to juggle kids at home and extreme health anxiety and finding a new job during a pandemic.)

Let's start with the basics. What is imposter syndrome? Imposter syndrome is a specific collection of interrelated thoughts, often centered around the idea of not being good enough or not fitting in.

The thoughts often go something like this. You're not good enough. You're not qualified. Someone is going to find out that you don't know what you're talking about. You don't belong here.

Sometimes they can be more subtle, like this. Are you sure about that answer you just gave? What if you make a mistake? Maybe you don't deserve that promotion after all. Or even, no matter what you do, you'll never fit in here.  

And during 2020, they might even sound like this. There’s no way you can do your job and parent your kids without hugely fucking up one or both. Sure, you’re normally ok, but there’s no way you’ll be able to network and find a job right now, so why try? You’re kidding yourself by believing that you’re doing enough to protect yourself from this disease.

Usually I teach that imposter syndrome basically comes down to two ideas: not enough and not belonging. And this is true. But right now, it also comes with a side of “this is different” and this means that many people who never felt imposter syndrome before may be feeling it now, and those who felt it all along may be feeling it in an even more extreme way. 

So, it’s sort of a combination of “I’m not good enough” with “even if some people will be ok, I might not be” plus “and this is a very serious situation” as well as “maybe I don’t deserve to be ok.”

And yes, it is a serious situation. But that is exactly why it’s worth it to examine our thoughts about it and make sure that they’re helping us show up the way we want to (rather than keeping us from showing up well or at all.)

And this is a critical point. Often, clients think that when things are serious, that means that they need to worry and imagine potential worst scenarios and be really mean to themselves about all the tiny points in life that lead to them being wherever it is that they are. They think that sternness will help. But it doesn’t help, and instead it actually takes our best energy away from the task at hand. 

Think about it this way. Imagine you were trying to untangle some very tangled yarn. (Can you tell that I am a knitter? Lol.) And the whole time, someone is standing next to you, criticizing you and second guessing you and insisting that you don’t have the skills to get the yarn untangled. Would that person be helping you? No the hell they would not. And yet, that’s what we do to ourselves most of the time and we call it “just being realistic” or some other such bullshit. 

Let’s dig into that. Is it actually more realistic to insist that we might fail? I’m going to offer you that it’s not. What if it’s actually more realistic that we will figure it the fuck out? After all, haven’t we figured out everything else we’ve ever faced?

Like, yes, it’s true that we know more than we used to know, and if we had to handle some of that stuff again, we might make different choices. But we became the person who might make different choices now by having lived through the past and learning everything we learned. And we did figure it all out. Was it all super enjoyable at the time? Probably not. But not enjoying it all doesn’t mean we didn’t handle it. 

Many of us grew up with the idea that we’re supposed to enjoy everything or feel happy all the time. But we live in a world with a pandemic and systemic racism and death. Sometimes things happen that we don’t want to be happy about, and that’s ok. We can face these things, not feel happy, and also still figure it out and take care of ourselves. 

So many of us are trying so hard to do it all perfectly, and when we’re trying to be perfect, we’re all imposters. Because we’re humans, y’all. Which means we’re not going to be perfect. Not today. Not ever. 

But again, we don’t need to be perfect to figure it out. We don’t need to be perfect to try and try again. We don’t need to be perfect to do what we can and keep learning as we go. 

Inside the concept of imposter syndrome, there’s this idea that if we were only a little bit better, we wouldn’t worry, we wouldn’t stress, we wouldn’t struggle so much. But then when we do get better, we take our worry and our stress and our struggles with us. No matter how much better we get, it’s never enough. That’s why the solution isn’t to get even better. The solution is to realize you don’t need to. 

Yes, I’m all about continuous growth. I’m all about learning and trying and improving. But not because I need to. When we stop telling ourselves that we need to be better in order to be ok, we don’t stop learning. We actually get to learn for the joy and fun of it. That’s the irony, y’all. You’ll learn and grow and improve more when you stop hanging your worth on it. 

Ready to see what wonders you can accomplish when you finally kiss imposter syndrome goodbye and embrace learning and growing just for the fun of it? I’d be delighted to help you out with that. I’m currently accepting 1:1 clients for my coaching practice, which is virtual and serves clients the world over. I’ve also got a few spots open for corporate speaking engagements. Learn more here.