How to solve the unsolvable
Right now, many people are finding themselves in situations that they’re struggling with. They’re working from home and their kids keep asking questions or screaming or climbing their bodies like jungle gyms. Or, they don’t have kids, but they’re finding themselves feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated working from home and never seeing other human faces. Or, their work duties have shifted, multiplied, or even evaporated in the current time of COVID, and they’re not sure how to handle all the changes.
No matter what the particularities of each situation are, there’s one common theme: things are hard.
While this idea that things are hard might seem true, it actually has an unintended side effect. When we believe that what we’re dealing with is too hard, it actually blocks the brain from coming up with workable solutions.
Let me break this down for you.
The brain loves to solve problems. It’s a problem-solving machine. But the brain also doesn’t know the difference between true, objective facts and subjective assessments. So, when you think the thought, this is hard, your brain just accepts the premise that the situation is, in fact, hard.
But difficulty is never a fact. It’s always a subjective assessment. And what one person deems as difficult another person may deem business as usual.
Now, I am not saying that what you’re dealing with right now is easy. I am saying that labeling it as hard or difficult will actually make it harder to solve.
So what do we do instead? We change the frame of how we’re thinking. Changing the frame of how we’re thinking means we choose to view the situation from a different context, on purpose.
In a recent coaching session, I asked one of my clients how would you think about this if it were a logic question on a job interview? This question changed how my client was thinking about a situation in her life.
Why? Because when the frame changed, it changed how my client viewed the problem. On a job interview, she would not decide the situation was unsolvable. Instead, she would assume that it was, in fact, solvable, and all she had to do was figure it out.
You can see the difference, right? It’s like that old quote, “whether you think you can or you think you can’t,” you’re right. The first time I heard this, I didn’t believe it. But now I understand that it’s true.
It is not easy for most people to move from I can’t to I can. This is why changing the frame is a powerful tool. You don’t have to convince yourself that your situation isn’t difficult. You just have to be willing to look at the situation in a different way.
Here are some useful frames to consider and why they’re helpful.
How would you think about this if it were your bestie’s problem? While we struggle with our own problems, we often have brilliant solutions to other people’s. Tap into this superpower by pretending that the problem you’re trying to solve belongs to your best friend, sibling, cousin, or someone else you love.
What would Brené Brown say? When we look at our own problems, they feel very big and real and scary. But when we imagine someone we admire, like Brené Brown, looking at our problems, we see our own life and struggles differently. When we imagine what a mentor or role model might say, we’re still accessing our own brains for solutions, but our brains come up with much more thoughtful, profound answers.
What if I knew 100% that there was an excellent solution and I just had to find it? When we think it’s just too hard, we’re pre-supposing that there’s no good answer, so why try. But when we start with the premise that there is a good answer, then we tackle the problem with more creativity and dedication, and the solutions we come up with reflect that.
What’s a problem you’ve been dealing with that has heretofore seemed unsolvable? What solutions might you uncover by using one (or all!) of the frames you just learned?
Life will always throw things at us that seem too hard to handle, but when you use this tool, you’ll be amazed at the solutions you can come up with.
If you have a lot of unsolvable problems and you want laser-focused assistance figuring them out, I’m currently accepting 1:1 clients and corporate speaking engagements. Click here to learn more.