174. Being Willing to Be Devastated
What are you willing to risk to get what you want?
Are you willing to be embarrassed?
Are you willing to be disappointed?
Are you willing to fail and keep going?
Going after your dreams isn’t all fun and games.
Building a business, landing your dream job, finding a partner who feels both cozy and toe curling - these are beautiful goals to work towards.
These are things you can have.
But chances are, going after them is going to involve some less than fun experiences as well.
So, what’s worth it?
What’s worth the obstacles and emotional turbulence?
What do you want so badly you’re willing to be devastated, pick yourself back up, and keep going until you get it?
Don’t get me wrong; feeling devastated is brutal.
But so is living a dulled down life.
So is staying in a job or relationship or city that isn’t what you want.
If you’re going to experience some pain and uncomfortable emotions, why not do it while going after the things you want most?
What if they’re worth the risk?
Join me this week to hear what happens when you’re unwilling to feel the hard things, how to create safety for yourself as you tackle risks, and how to be willing to be devastated in mindful, intentional, incremental ways.
Want to create more satisfaction & delight in your life, career, relationships, and more? Let’s work together!
Click here to schedule a consult call and we can have a conversation about what’s going on in your life, what you’d like to create, and how coaching can help you get there.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
What happens when we’re unwilling to be devastated.
The best way to get what you want.
Why being willing to be devastated comes down to the relationship you have with yourself.
What’s required of you to be willing to be devastated.
How everything you truly want involves the risk of being devastated.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
FEATURED ON THE SHOW:
If you want to book an in-person VIP day where we coach all day on whatever you want, DM me on Instagram or send me an email to get the conversation started!
My year-long coaching and mentorship program, Unhinged AF, is the most extra, extravagant offering I currently have. One-on-one coaching, in-person or virtual VIP days, and special surprises. If this sounds like just the thing for you, book a consult call and let’s discuss a customized program that’s all about helping you break free from your current life and career to build something that truly blows your mind.
If you’re enjoying the show, please leave me a rating and review on Apple Podcasts!
Feel free to ask me any questions over on Instagram!
If there are topics y’all want me to talk about on the podcast, feel free to write in and let me know by clicking here!
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
What I learned from 100 days of rejection - Jia Jiang’s TED talk
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about being willing to be devastated.
The Satisfied AF podcast is the place to learn how to create a life and career that’s wildly delicious. Want a steamier sex life? We’ve got you. Want a more satisfying career? We’ll cover that too. And you can be sure we’ll spend lots of time talking about how to build connected, fun relationships that can handle life’s ups and downs. No matter what goals you’re working on, this show will help you create a one of a kind life that is just right for you. Join me, life and career coach Kori Linn and each week I’ll give you lots of practical tips, tools, and proven strategies to help you create all the satisfaction your heart desires.
Hello, hello, hello. Happy Wednesday. This week’s podcast episode is inspired by something that happened a little bit ago on social media, which is that I was on Instagram scrolling through memes, like I like to do. Putting a bunch of them in my stories as I also like to do. And I saw one and it’s a picture of a tweet and the tweet says, the worst they can do is say no, in quotation marks. And then it says, okay, but that devastates me when it happens.
And this tweet’s by Jenny Hogan. And it was reposted by @brattybat_, which is a meme account I follow on Instagram. And I put it in my stories and I said, I get it, but what if it’s worth being devastated sometimes? And then below that I put, also sometimes they say yes, rather than no. So you’re not just getting devastation, you’re also getting wonder and delight. And I thought this was so impactful that it deserved an entire podcast episode.
And so often our unwillingness to be devastated keeps us trapped in lives that don’t feel good to us. It keeps us trapped and unsatisfied. It keeps us from feeling like our life has meaning and purpose because it’s keeping us in these things that are like safe. It’s governing our choices in a way that isn’t setting us up for a delicious, meaningful, interesting, exciting life.
And I want to be really clear that I’m not saying being devastated is no big deal. It’s brutal. I’m just saying, what if some things are worth being devastated for? What if some things are worth risking that you might be devastated?
The other thing about this is I really do think if you ask for what you want, a lot of times people actually say yes. I actually also did a TikTok about this, it might’ve also been today. It’s been a long day already, even though it’s only 12 pm here, where I was saying the number one best tip I have for getting what you want is asking for it. And one of the best tips I have for satisfaction is being willing to enjoy the thing you ask for that you get.
I’ve heard so many times like in romantic relationships where people are like, oh, if I have to ask for it, it doesn’t count. And I just think that perspective is setting you up for so much absolutely unnecessary suffering. Asking is often a big part of getting what we want.
If you go to a restaurant and you don’t tell them what you want and you’re just like, bring me something. I mean, they might bring you something that delights you. And there are some really fancy restaurants that do it that way. But on the whole, we generally ask for what we want.
And there’s all these areas of our life, like ordering in a restaurant where that’s very normalized. And so we don’t resist it. But there’s all these other areas of our life where we think we shouldn’t have to ask or asking is risking rejection, and so we refuse to do it, which leads me back to like, what’s worth being devastated? What’s worth being disappointed? What’s worth putting yourself out there? What’s worth potentially feeling like shit?
And the other side of that is if you’re going to put yourself out there and risk being rejected and risk being devastated, you’re probably going to need to set some things up and put some things in place to convince yourself to be willing to do that. So how do you create safety for yourself that makes it okay, again, not super fun or enjoyable, but just okay, tolerable to be willing to risk devastation?
This is why I think so much of the work I do with my clients, whether they come to me because they want to feel less stressed at work or feel more confident or set boundaries or have a better relationship or find their first long-term relationship ever, or any of the variety of things I coach people on, a lot of it comes down to having a good relationship with yourself.
Because when you have a good relationship with yourself, when you have a caring relationship with yourself, when you have a loving, supportive relationship with yourself, then you can risk being devastated. You can risk trying. You can risk asking. You can risk putting yourself out there.
You can risk setting boundaries because if you set a boundary and the other person is like, nope, and they leave your life, you have you. You have you and you have the way you’re going to take care of yourself in the absence of the thing you wanted.
And I think this is the most magical thing you possibly could have, is a relationship with yourself that is so good and so loving and so powerful that you can go after what you want. Even if it means being rejected a hundred times, a thousand times, 10,000 times, a million times, and that won’t destroy you because you have you. You have this incredible relationship with yourself that allows you to tolerate and even pursue these things that may lead to being disappointed, being devastated.
So I guess the podcast isn’t just about being willing to be devastated, it’s also about how do you set yourself up so that you can be devastated without being destroyed? Because these are different things. And just because something is devastating, doesn’t mean it will destroy you, even if you think it will ahead of time.
And when you can set yourself up to be able to tolerate disappointment and to be able to tolerate devastation, then you can actually pursue the life you want. You can pursue the people you’re attracted to. You can pursue the jobs you’re interested in. Even if you’re not a hundred percent sure the person will say yes to the date, or you’re not a hundred percent sure that they’re going to give you the job.
Here’s an example from my own life. I’ve been in a long-term committed relationship with my partner for, I think like six and a half years now. And it’s incredible. It’s amazing. I talk all the time on the podcast, on Instagram and TikTok, in person about how truly delightful and wonderful and satisfying my relationship is.
And the way I got to be here and the way I got to have the relationship I have was by being willing to be devastated. And maybe I didn’t call it that at the time, but there have been so many points in my relationship with Alex, where the way we created the next iteration of the relationship was like saying really hard truths and going into conversations. Like sharing what’s real and sharing what’s working and what’s not working with each other to find out if we’re able and willing to move past it.
And one way of explaining that is that we were walking into something that could devastate us and then figuring out if there was a way to move through it and not be devastated. And sometimes, honestly, it was being devastated and still moving through it, because when you’re in a long-term committed, loving relationship with somebody, that doesn’t mean you always get along. And you often are bumping up against parts of them that are bringing up things for you, it’s bringing up things for them.
I remember I read this book on relationships years ago, and it said relationships are people growing machines, by which it meant in a relationship, a long-term committed partner relationship, they’re going to kind of trigger you, essentially, if that’s a word you use. They’re going to touch pieces of you where there’s old stories and old experiences and old wounds.
Something I say all the time is like, my brain always likes to interpret things in whatever way will hurt my own feelings the most. And never in my life has that been more evident than it has been in my relationship with Alex. And part of the success of that relationship is me being willing to say like, oh, I think my brain interpreted this in a way that it would hurt my own feelings the most, and here’s the interpretation that was. And that’s vulnerable, right? Because I’m sharing with her, this is how my feelings could be hurt the most.
Also, I will just say like, almost never, possibly never, I just don’t remember all the examples right now, Alex is never meaning it generally in the way my brain’s like, here’s how it would hurt my feelings the most. But also we have limits with each other, right? And there are some things that one wants and the other one’s not going to give. And then when you’re in a relationship that’s really long, you figure out how you sort through that.
And so that’s what I mean when I say sometimes, even though the relationship didn’t end, we’ve had hard conversations where I did feel devastated. And I’m not going to speak for Alex, but I would guess probably sometimes she has felt devastated too. And just so you know, I’ll check in with her and make sure she’s comfortable with me telling all of you this before this podcast airs.
But yeah, there’s also, I think it’s in one of Glennon Doyle’s books, I think it’s Untamed. She talks about in order to get to the next version of your relationship, in order to get to the next version of who you are, that involves annihilating the version you have now. Annihilating the version of you, you are now. And I think that’s also what I’m talking about when I’m saying being willing to be devastated.
Everything in my life that is the most satisfying, the most delicious, the most incredible, the best fit for me, it all involved me being willing to be devastated and at various levels and various degrees, right? It’s like putting myself out there on Bumble BFF to make friends in Sacramento. And trying to be as honest as I can about who I am, what kind of friend I want to be to someone else and what kind of friends I’m looking for, which might mean being disappointed because some people don’t want to be my friend when I’m honest.
And then you meet a person on there and then you start text messaging them and then it’s like all these additional opportunities to be honest and see like, am I going to be rejected? Am I going to be devastated, essentially?
And when you are able to put yourself out there in that way of being willing to be devastated in big and small ways, but like mindfully in an aligned way, intentionally, and I would say also incrementally, right? I actually am just figuring this out now, talking out loud, but I think one of the keys to being willing to be devastated is also, just like everything else I teach, let’s take it in baby steps.
If you’ve been not willing to ask and make requests and stuff, maybe don’t make the hugest request or most vulnerable one you can think of. Maybe start smaller. Start with like, ooh, this would be like a micro devastation. Start with that as a way to move up and build the tolerance and the capacity for this skill and to figure out where your edge is and work with it.
But yeah, all of which is to say, I think the idea of being devastated, the idea of being disappointed, the idea of being potentially destroyed by a negative outcome, we’re keeping our lives contained in ways that do not match our true desires. And let’s also just say, sometimes when we go after our desires, even our true desires, we might get something that we end up not wanting. And that’s a kind of being devastated too.
So I think it’s important for us to touch on that. Sometimes you go after what you want and you get it and then you’re like, I don’t fucking like this. It’s happened to me and it’s disappointing and it sucks. And I don’t like it either. But also being willing to be devastated both by like, maybe someone says no, or being willing to be devastated by maybe I get what I want and then I do not fucking like it and then I have to deal with the disappointment of how much time, effort and energy I put in to get that thing and then not like it.
I think when we’re willing to be both of those kinds of devastated, then first of all, we can actually go after whatever it is we want. And if we get what we want and find out we don’t like it, that’s actually not bad information to have, right? It’s like you can spend your whole life pining for something, or you can go after it, get it, find out it’s not what you wanted. And then you can figure out what else you want to pursue or what would make more sense for you.
So being willing to be devastated, it allows us to try things. It opens us up to possibility. And also it builds in us this adaptability, this resilience, this ability to like dance with life and to dance with the reality that like, yeah, we can have a really wonderful mindset and a really great skill of being able to pursue things, and also life is full of ups and downs. And developing this ability, this willingness and ability to be devastated also means we can handle life, which is a good thing because that’s what we’re all living inside of.
We’re all living inside of a life where sometimes things go great and it’s beautiful and fun. And the real truth is, even if you don’t put yourself out there and ask for what you want or pursue your desires, you may still be devastated anyways. I’m really sorry about it. Things may come up that are deeply devastating to you, and so developing the ability to navigate that, the willingness to go through it in order to do the things that align to your values and choices and the ability to navigate it if life fucking throws it at you, because it might, it’s a beautiful thing.
And I think it’s interesting because the more scared we are of being devastated, the more we kind of curl up almost in like the emotional or life equivalent of a fetal position and try to protect ourselves. But you actually can’t protect yourself from life. Like you can keep your life more contained, but that even won’t necessarily protect you.
Now, as always, maybe don’t pursue all kinds of devastation. Maybe pick the ones that are aligned to your desires. Pick the ones that matter to you when it’s interesting enough or could be potentially satisfying enough, when it’s magnetizing enough to you that you’re willing to do it.
But the other way you could do it is like that person, I forget who did this, but there was someone who did like a hundred days of rejection where they just asked for things and got rejected over and over to see what would happen. So you could also go about it that way where you’re like, I’m just going to pursue it to build the tolerance.
I don’t always like to put forth effort into things. As much as I do a lot of stuff and talk about our ability to do things and put myself out there, I’m also a person who wants to sit on the couch and read romance novels for many hours. So I tend to reserve the effort I’m going to put into things for things that feel really worth it and they’re deeply aligned.
And so I’m not necessarily the person who’s going to do that, like get rejected a hundred times in a hundred days thing. But I can also see the beauty of it because I think one of the drawbacks of my way of doing things is sometimes I can’t figure out what’s worth it. And then that can get me a little stuck, right?
So there’s no one right approach. There’s lots of ways that you can move forward in this that are interesting. But if you take nothing else away from this podcast episode, I just want you to think about like, am I willing to be devastated? And what am I willing to be devastated for? When would I be willing to be devastated? And what do I need to be able to risk that in a way that’s safe and loving towards myself?
All right, before we wrap up this episode, I have a few more things. Thing one is if you enjoy the podcast, if it’s meaningful to you, if you like it, I would love for you to share it with your friends, your family, your social media network. I would love for you to follow, rate and review. That would be so meaningful to me. I want to get the podcast in front of as many people as possible so they can learn all the cool things we talk about and so that they can have more satisfaction and delight in their own lives.
And then I also want to mention, I have room for new one-on-one clients, or returning ones if you’ve worked with me before. So let’s just answer a few questions about that. What do we do in one-on-one coaching? What we do together when you hire me as your coach is we work on an issue, a goal, a project, anything you want to create more of in your life or create less of. It could be in your career, it could be in your relationships.
So previous clients have worked with me on things like feeling more confident at work, managing stress, setting boundaries at work or in relationships. Starting a business or building up their current business, becoming comfortable talking to people at networking events, going through a divorce, dating after divorce, getting into a long-term relationship for the first time ever. Navigating a queer or trans identity, completing creative writing projects, and so much more.
When we work together, we can focus on one area or many different things throughout our package. Also, I now have a sliding scale, so coaching and support are available at a variety of price points. And I work with clients in a three-month package right now.
And if you want to have a totally free, no strings attached conversation about it, you can go sign up for a consult call at korilinn.com. I would love to talk to you about what’s going on and what we could create that would make your life way more dreamy, satisfying, and delicious.
All right, y’all, that’s what I have for you today. Have a great day and I will talk to you next time.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Satisfied AF. If you are ready to create a wildly delicious life and have way more fun than you ever thought possible, visit www.korilinn.com to see how I can help. See you next week.
The Satisfied AF podcast is the place to learn how to create a life and career that’s wildly delicious. Want a steamier sex life? We’ve got you. Want a more satisfying career? We’ll cover that too. And you can be sure we’ll spend lots of time talking about how to build connected, fun relationships that can handle life’s ups and downs. No matter what goals you’re working on, this show will help you create a one of a kind life that is just right for you. Join me, life and career coach Kori Linn and each week I’ll give you lots of practical tips, tools, and proven strategies to help you create all the satisfaction your heart desires.
Hello, hello, hello. Happy Wednesday. This week’s podcast episode is inspired by something that happened a little bit ago on social media, which is that I was on Instagram scrolling through memes, like I like to do. Putting a bunch of them in my stories as I also like to do. And I saw one and it’s a picture of a tweet and the tweet says, the worst they can do is say no, in quotation marks. And then it says, okay, but that devastates me when it happens.
And this tweet’s by Jenny Hogan. And it was reposted by @brattybat_, which is a meme account I follow on Instagram. And I put it in my stories and I said, I get it, but what if it’s worth being devastated sometimes? And then below that I put, also sometimes they say yes, rather than no. So you’re not just getting devastation, you’re also getting wonder and delight. And I thought this was so impactful that it deserved an entire podcast episode.
And so often our unwillingness to be devastated keeps us trapped in lives that don’t feel good to us. It keeps us trapped and unsatisfied. It keeps us from feeling like our life has meaning and purpose because it’s keeping us in these things that are like safe. It’s governing our choices in a way that isn’t setting us up for a delicious, meaningful, interesting, exciting life.
And I want to be really clear that I’m not saying being devastated is no big deal. It’s brutal. I’m just saying, what if some things are worth being devastated for? What if some things are worth risking that you might be devastated?
The other thing about this is I really do think if you ask for what you want, a lot of times people actually say yes. I actually also did a TikTok about this, it might’ve also been today. It’s been a long day already, even though it’s only 12 pm here, where I was saying the number one best tip I have for getting what you want is asking for it. And one of the best tips I have for satisfaction is being willing to enjoy the thing you ask for that you get.
I’ve heard so many times like in romantic relationships where people are like, oh, if I have to ask for it, it doesn’t count. And I just think that perspective is setting you up for so much absolutely unnecessary suffering. Asking is often a big part of getting what we want.
If you go to a restaurant and you don’t tell them what you want and you’re just like, bring me something. I mean, they might bring you something that delights you. And there are some really fancy restaurants that do it that way. But on the whole, we generally ask for what we want.
And there’s all these areas of our life, like ordering in a restaurant where that’s very normalized. And so we don’t resist it. But there’s all these other areas of our life where we think we shouldn’t have to ask or asking is risking rejection, and so we refuse to do it, which leads me back to like, what’s worth being devastated? What’s worth being disappointed? What’s worth putting yourself out there? What’s worth potentially feeling like shit?
And the other side of that is if you’re going to put yourself out there and risk being rejected and risk being devastated, you’re probably going to need to set some things up and put some things in place to convince yourself to be willing to do that. So how do you create safety for yourself that makes it okay, again, not super fun or enjoyable, but just okay, tolerable to be willing to risk devastation?
This is why I think so much of the work I do with my clients, whether they come to me because they want to feel less stressed at work or feel more confident or set boundaries or have a better relationship or find their first long-term relationship ever, or any of the variety of things I coach people on, a lot of it comes down to having a good relationship with yourself.
Because when you have a good relationship with yourself, when you have a caring relationship with yourself, when you have a loving, supportive relationship with yourself, then you can risk being devastated. You can risk trying. You can risk asking. You can risk putting yourself out there.
You can risk setting boundaries because if you set a boundary and the other person is like, nope, and they leave your life, you have you. You have you and you have the way you’re going to take care of yourself in the absence of the thing you wanted.
And I think this is the most magical thing you possibly could have, is a relationship with yourself that is so good and so loving and so powerful that you can go after what you want. Even if it means being rejected a hundred times, a thousand times, 10,000 times, a million times, and that won’t destroy you because you have you. You have this incredible relationship with yourself that allows you to tolerate and even pursue these things that may lead to being disappointed, being devastated.
So I guess the podcast isn’t just about being willing to be devastated, it’s also about how do you set yourself up so that you can be devastated without being destroyed? Because these are different things. And just because something is devastating, doesn’t mean it will destroy you, even if you think it will ahead of time.
And when you can set yourself up to be able to tolerate disappointment and to be able to tolerate devastation, then you can actually pursue the life you want. You can pursue the people you’re attracted to. You can pursue the jobs you’re interested in. Even if you’re not a hundred percent sure the person will say yes to the date, or you’re not a hundred percent sure that they’re going to give you the job.
Here’s an example from my own life. I’ve been in a long-term committed relationship with my partner for, I think like six and a half years now. And it’s incredible. It’s amazing. I talk all the time on the podcast, on Instagram and TikTok, in person about how truly delightful and wonderful and satisfying my relationship is.
And the way I got to be here and the way I got to have the relationship I have was by being willing to be devastated. And maybe I didn’t call it that at the time, but there have been so many points in my relationship with Alex, where the way we created the next iteration of the relationship was like saying really hard truths and going into conversations. Like sharing what’s real and sharing what’s working and what’s not working with each other to find out if we’re able and willing to move past it.
And one way of explaining that is that we were walking into something that could devastate us and then figuring out if there was a way to move through it and not be devastated. And sometimes, honestly, it was being devastated and still moving through it, because when you’re in a long-term committed, loving relationship with somebody, that doesn’t mean you always get along. And you often are bumping up against parts of them that are bringing up things for you, it’s bringing up things for them.
I remember I read this book on relationships years ago, and it said relationships are people growing machines, by which it meant in a relationship, a long-term committed partner relationship, they’re going to kind of trigger you, essentially, if that’s a word you use. They’re going to touch pieces of you where there’s old stories and old experiences and old wounds.
Something I say all the time is like, my brain always likes to interpret things in whatever way will hurt my own feelings the most. And never in my life has that been more evident than it has been in my relationship with Alex. And part of the success of that relationship is me being willing to say like, oh, I think my brain interpreted this in a way that it would hurt my own feelings the most, and here’s the interpretation that was. And that’s vulnerable, right? Because I’m sharing with her, this is how my feelings could be hurt the most.
Also, I will just say like, almost never, possibly never, I just don’t remember all the examples right now, Alex is never meaning it generally in the way my brain’s like, here’s how it would hurt my feelings the most. But also we have limits with each other, right? And there are some things that one wants and the other one’s not going to give. And then when you’re in a relationship that’s really long, you figure out how you sort through that.
And so that’s what I mean when I say sometimes, even though the relationship didn’t end, we’ve had hard conversations where I did feel devastated. And I’m not going to speak for Alex, but I would guess probably sometimes she has felt devastated too. And just so you know, I’ll check in with her and make sure she’s comfortable with me telling all of you this before this podcast airs.
But yeah, there’s also, I think it’s in one of Glennon Doyle’s books, I think it’s Untamed. She talks about in order to get to the next version of your relationship, in order to get to the next version of who you are, that involves annihilating the version you have now. Annihilating the version of you, you are now. And I think that’s also what I’m talking about when I’m saying being willing to be devastated.
Everything in my life that is the most satisfying, the most delicious, the most incredible, the best fit for me, it all involved me being willing to be devastated and at various levels and various degrees, right? It’s like putting myself out there on Bumble BFF to make friends in Sacramento. And trying to be as honest as I can about who I am, what kind of friend I want to be to someone else and what kind of friends I’m looking for, which might mean being disappointed because some people don’t want to be my friend when I’m honest.
And then you meet a person on there and then you start text messaging them and then it’s like all these additional opportunities to be honest and see like, am I going to be rejected? Am I going to be devastated, essentially?
And when you are able to put yourself out there in that way of being willing to be devastated in big and small ways, but like mindfully in an aligned way, intentionally, and I would say also incrementally, right? I actually am just figuring this out now, talking out loud, but I think one of the keys to being willing to be devastated is also, just like everything else I teach, let’s take it in baby steps.
If you’ve been not willing to ask and make requests and stuff, maybe don’t make the hugest request or most vulnerable one you can think of. Maybe start smaller. Start with like, ooh, this would be like a micro devastation. Start with that as a way to move up and build the tolerance and the capacity for this skill and to figure out where your edge is and work with it.
But yeah, all of which is to say, I think the idea of being devastated, the idea of being disappointed, the idea of being potentially destroyed by a negative outcome, we’re keeping our lives contained in ways that do not match our true desires. And let’s also just say, sometimes when we go after our desires, even our true desires, we might get something that we end up not wanting. And that’s a kind of being devastated too.
So I think it’s important for us to touch on that. Sometimes you go after what you want and you get it and then you’re like, I don’t fucking like this. It’s happened to me and it’s disappointing and it sucks. And I don’t like it either. But also being willing to be devastated both by like, maybe someone says no, or being willing to be devastated by maybe I get what I want and then I do not fucking like it and then I have to deal with the disappointment of how much time, effort and energy I put in to get that thing and then not like it.
I think when we’re willing to be both of those kinds of devastated, then first of all, we can actually go after whatever it is we want. And if we get what we want and find out we don’t like it, that’s actually not bad information to have, right? It’s like you can spend your whole life pining for something, or you can go after it, get it, find out it’s not what you wanted. And then you can figure out what else you want to pursue or what would make more sense for you.
So being willing to be devastated, it allows us to try things. It opens us up to possibility. And also it builds in us this adaptability, this resilience, this ability to like dance with life and to dance with the reality that like, yeah, we can have a really wonderful mindset and a really great skill of being able to pursue things, and also life is full of ups and downs. And developing this ability, this willingness and ability to be devastated also means we can handle life, which is a good thing because that’s what we’re all living inside of.
We’re all living inside of a life where sometimes things go great and it’s beautiful and fun. And the real truth is, even if you don’t put yourself out there and ask for what you want or pursue your desires, you may still be devastated anyways. I’m really sorry about it. Things may come up that are deeply devastating to you, and so developing the ability to navigate that, the willingness to go through it in order to do the things that align to your values and choices and the ability to navigate it if life fucking throws it at you, because it might, it’s a beautiful thing.
And I think it’s interesting because the more scared we are of being devastated, the more we kind of curl up almost in like the emotional or life equivalent of a fetal position and try to protect ourselves. But you actually can’t protect yourself from life. Like you can keep your life more contained, but that even won’t necessarily protect you.
Now, as always, maybe don’t pursue all kinds of devastation. Maybe pick the ones that are aligned to your desires. Pick the ones that matter to you when it’s interesting enough or could be potentially satisfying enough, when it’s magnetizing enough to you that you’re willing to do it.
But the other way you could do it is like that person, I forget who did this, but there was someone who did like a hundred days of rejection where they just asked for things and got rejected over and over to see what would happen. So you could also go about it that way where you’re like, I’m just going to pursue it to build the tolerance.
I don’t always like to put forth effort into things. As much as I do a lot of stuff and talk about our ability to do things and put myself out there, I’m also a person who wants to sit on the couch and read romance novels for many hours. So I tend to reserve the effort I’m going to put into things for things that feel really worth it and they’re deeply aligned.
And so I’m not necessarily the person who’s going to do that, like get rejected a hundred times in a hundred days thing. But I can also see the beauty of it because I think one of the drawbacks of my way of doing things is sometimes I can’t figure out what’s worth it. And then that can get me a little stuck, right?
So there’s no one right approach. There’s lots of ways that you can move forward in this that are interesting. But if you take nothing else away from this podcast episode, I just want you to think about like, am I willing to be devastated? And what am I willing to be devastated for? When would I be willing to be devastated? And what do I need to be able to risk that in a way that’s safe and loving towards myself?
All right, before we wrap up this episode, I have a few more things. Thing one is if you enjoy the podcast, if it’s meaningful to you, if you like it, I would love for you to share it with your friends, your family, your social media network. I would love for you to follow, rate and review. That would be so meaningful to me. I want to get the podcast in front of as many people as possible so they can learn all the cool things we talk about and so that they can have more satisfaction and delight in their own lives.
And then I also want to mention, I have room for new one-on-one clients, or returning ones if you’ve worked with me before. So let’s just answer a few questions about that. What do we do in one-on-one coaching? What we do together when you hire me as your coach is we work on an issue, a goal, a project, anything you want to create more of in your life or create less of. It could be in your career, it could be in your relationships.
So previous clients have worked with me on things like feeling more confident at work, managing stress, setting boundaries at work or in relationships. Starting a business or building up their current business, becoming comfortable talking to people at networking events, going through a divorce, dating after divorce, getting into a long-term relationship for the first time ever. Navigating a queer or trans identity, completing creative writing projects, and so much more.
When we work together, we can focus on one area or many different things throughout our package. Also, I now have a sliding scale, so coaching and support are available at a variety of price points. And I work with clients in a three-month package right now.
And if you want to have a totally free, no strings attached conversation about it, you can go sign up for a consult call at korilinn.com. I would love to talk to you about what’s going on and what we could create that would make your life way more dreamy, satisfying, and delicious.
All right, y’all, that’s what I have for you today. Have a great day and I will talk to you next time.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Satisfied AF. If you are ready to create a wildly delicious life and have way more fun than you ever thought possible, visit www.korilinn.com to see how I can help. See you next week.
Enjoy the Show?
Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or Google Podcasts.
Previous
Previous
175. How Coaching Can Change Your Life with Clair
Next
Next