172. Metaphorical Allergies
Do you ever get a weird reaction to something that’s generally considered innocuous?
Like maybe compliments make you feel vulnerable.
Or waking up to an alarm is enraging.
Or the idea of saying “no” keeps you up at night with dread.
Just like people can have physical allergies, I think we can have metaphorical allergies - uncomfortable reactions to things many would see as benign.
Sometimes we might want to work on those allergies, try to change them so we can new experiences.
And sometimes we might want to let the allergies be and design a life that works around them instead.
Either way, understanding this concept and how it applies to you will help you create of what you want in your life, career, relationships, and more.
So join me for this week’s episode of Satisfied AF, and let’s explore what your metaphorical allergies might be, how you could handle them, and what happens when you are able to navigate challenges and surprises with this framework.
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WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
What metaphorical allergies are.
Why some people have metaphorical allergies to things that others don’t.
How to understand your own allergies and preferences without shame.
The options for addressing your metaphorical allergy with the people around you.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about emotional allergies.
The Satisfied AF podcast is the place to learn how to create a life and career that’s wildly delicious. Want a steamier sex life? We’ve got you. Want a more satisfying career? We’ll cover that too. And you can be sure we’ll spend lots of time talking about how to build connected, fun relationships that can handle life’s ups and downs. No matter what goals you’re working on, this show will help you create a one of a kind life that is just right for you. Join me, life and career coach Kori Linn and each week I’ll give you lots of practical tips, tools, and proven strategies to help you create all the satisfaction your heart desires.
Hello, hello, hello. Happy Wednesday. Ah, I’ve been feeling like a human being for a little while again now, a few weeks after recovering from being super sick. And let me just tell you, it’s so nice just to wake up in the morning and be able to breathe through my nose and have energy and get out of bed and take my walks around Midtown Sacramento. I just, I really hate being sick so much. And a lot of y’all can probably relate to that.
And there is this really interesting thing where right after being sick, I’m probably the most grateful for my normal functioning that I ever am. And that’s something that I’m really trying to hold onto this time around. And maybe I try to hold onto that every time around, I don’t know. But this time, I’ve gone back to writing morning pages. They’re kind of abbreviated. When I first did morning pages through The Artist’s Way, she recommended like three pages. I’m probably writing more like six sentences. But you know me, I love a too small to fail habit.
But I’ve been trying to get back into the swing of that, like every morning opening the Notes app on my phone and saying like, I can breathe through my nose. My limbs work. I’m alive. I woke up today. I can see, taste, hear, smell, and experience touch. Like these are all really mundane, normal parts of my daily existence when I’m not sick, but they’re also all incredible and I really value them.
I was talking to a former client right as I was coming off of being super sick a few weeks ago, and she was saying that she had seen some posts probably on Insta or TikTok about like, would you take the trade of you get a billion dollars, but you have to have a mild cold for the rest of your life? And I was like, ew, absolutely not.
And that’s so interesting because, to me, that means I value feeling well more than I value a billion dollars, which is kind of nuts, right? Especially when you consider how centered our culture is on money and having enough money. And don’t get me wrong, money matters. We live in a capitalist culture where we need money to pay our bills. We need money to have access to food and water and have access to housing.
And those are things I have some concerns about because I think access to food and water and air to breathe and housing is a human right, but also we live in a culture where things cost money. So I don’t know what all the answers are to that, but what I thought was so interesting is this thing that some days I wake up for and I’m not grateful for, I actually value more than a billion dollars. And if I can just stay in the space of remembering how much I value this, like how good can that feel? How much pleasure can that bring me?
And that’s kind of what I’m always talking about, right, is like spending time noticing and enjoying what is working. Not to like gratitude should yourself or like judge yourself for not spending more time being grateful, but because those things actually truly matter to you, but sometimes they’re so mundane, they’re so quotidian and part of your normal life that it doesn’t even occur to you that they’re there or to be grateful for them.
The way I heard another teacher talk about this once was like every time the plane touches down, like every time the plane lands in one piece being like, “Oh, the plane landed.” That’s what it’s supposed to do, but we all know it’s not what it always does, right? Especially recently there have been some things with planes.
But so often when our brains are like, “Well, this is what’s supposed to happen,” that idea that this is what’s supposed to happen sucks all the joy and appreciation and deliciousness out of it. And I just don’t think that’s a very fun way to live. So let’s enjoy that deliciousness.
Okay, that’s my mini rant. But today we’re talking about an idea that I’m calling metaphorical allergies or emotional allergies or emotional and intellectual allergies. We’re still working on what we’re calling it, but it’s this idea that we can have physical allergies, right? Like I have a reaction to almonds. And it’s interesting because for a lot of people, almonds can be a very healthy food. Almonds can be nutritious and they can be good for those people.
But for my body, for whatever reason, and honestly, I don’t know what the reason is. I did not grow up with this allergy, it is something that only happened in the last, I don’t know, since Alex and I have been together, so like the last six and a half years. I did an elimination test and when I tried to put almonds back in, I had this reaction to them. And I was thinking about the metaphorical version of this.
So one of the things I talk about on the podcast a lot is noticing and appreciating what’s working, right, which we literally just talked about. But specifically when you say you want to do something and then you do it, I’ve talked before about celebrating that and celebrating that in a really big way. I’ve talked about giving yourself 1,000 points or 10,000 points or 10 million points, even if it’s this “small” action that you’ve taken.
And I’m a really big fan of celebration, but something that I’ve come to understand, both from coaching dozens, if not hundreds of people, and also from being a human with friends in the world, is that for some people they actually have like an emotional or possibly intellectual allergic reaction to that kind of big celebration or big positivity.
So it’s interesting because I have a friend who prefers neutral, factual acknowledgment. Like, I see that you did X. Versus like, wow, you did X, that’s amazing, right? And I think that this is really interesting because I think for a lot of people, the big positivity is maybe just too far away from their headspace of where they’re at. It’s just too big of a stretch. But I also think for other people, it actually makes them feel bad and I don’t really know why. So that’s just something interesting.
But the point of the podcast today and what I want you to think about is like, where does this apply to you? Where do you have emotional or intellectual or any other kind of metaphorical allergies where there is something that is innocuous or could even be like health promoting, right? Like an almond is innocuous or could be health promoting for many people. But for you, it creates a reaction that doesn’t work.
So when I eat almonds, I get itchy in the face. It’s unpleasant. It’s not like an anaphylactic thing. It’s not dangerous as far as I’m aware, but it is unpleasant. And it’s interesting because I have a similar thing when I eat dairy, but I fucking love dairy. So actually someone at a coaching event one time told me about these pills when I was talking about my symptoms just randomly in the back of an Uber to the airport and they can help me eat the thing without having a reaction. I’m not going to get into the science of it, but it’s kind of like Lactaid, but it’s not.
So for me, then it’s like, okay, I have this allergy, I have this reaction. And if I take this supplement, I don’t have the reaction. But I would say that whereas an almond might be health promoting for some people, for me, since I have the reaction and would need to take medication about it, first of all, I’m like, almonds aren’t worth it. I don’t care about almonds that much. I don’t love them.
Whereas dairy is worth it to me. I like dairy a lot, especially some very specific ice creams. And so I’m willing to go out of my way to have these supplements on hand to take them so I can have that experience. But I don’t necessarily think that dairy is health promoting, even the ice cream. I’m choosing that because it brings me pleasure and I like it and I want to have access to that.
I also have the pills because sometimes people tell you there’s no dairy and things in restaurants and then you eat them and then there is, right? So it’s also like that angle. And I know many of y’all out there with dietary restrictions have experienced that where you eat something that is innocuous to many people, but not to you, and the restaurant told you it wasn’t in there and then it is in there. So you’re having that reaction.
So basically this is all a very complex metaphor to think about like, are there places where this happens to you intellectually or emotionally or in another metaphorical way where there’s something that is innocuous or even health promoting for a lot of people, but for you it really doesn’t work? Maybe it really throws you off. And how is that getting in your way, basically, of you creating a delicious, satisfying, yummy life?
And it’s so interesting, y’all, because it could be even like something I teach that I’m like, this is so important and helpful to achieving your goals. That could be true for many people. And then for you, you could be allergic to it. So it’s kind of like, I don’t know if you remember, if you’ve been with the podcast for a while, you probably have listened to the episode on when to quit your job. And the short answer of that is whenever you want, for whatever reason you want, because you are the authority of your life.
And I wanted this idea of emotional allergies or intellectual allergies or whatever other kind of metaphorical allergies to be something we could talk about so that you can think through other things where you’re like, oh, the experts all say I should do X, but every time I try to do X, I feel really yucky. Or these people keep saying I should do Y. But whenever I do Y, it seems to backfire.
And this is where getting to know yourself is one of the most essential pieces of having a deeply delicious life. Because I, and other experts, can understand best practices. We can understand what works generally, and it might not be true for you. And that’s okay. That doesn’t mean the experts are wrong. It doesn’t mean you are wrong. It does mean that sometimes when ideas and individuals come together, it doesn’t go the way it normally does.
And I think this is really helpful to know too, for even actual allergies or things like the medical industry or things that they do studies on, right? Because there could be a study about, well, this is a thing you can do that can help you feel good and help you have whatever results that many people want. And you might try it and it might not fucking work for you.
And it’s also a question of like, who were they studying when they did this study, right? Like were they studying women? Were they studying people of color? Were they studying neurodiverse people? Or were they studying like a bunch of people from the most dominant cultural group in our country?
So what I love about this, what my greatest hope is, is that this is going to give you more freedom and it’s going to give you more self-kindness and self-understanding and it’s going to give you more options about how you particularly can create a wildly delicious life.
So to circle back to the celebration thing, something I’ve noticed is that for some people, being seen in their process actually doesn’t feel good. They don’t want to be seen trying, right? And there’s actually a podcast episode on that too. That can feel very uncomfortable for people. And so I actually know people who want their learning process to be that they go do the learning and they have the momentum to carry themselves forward. But if a person notices what they’re doing and comments on it, even neutrally or joyfully, it may feel uncomfortable enough to them, they may have that kind of allergic reaction and it may interrupt their flow.
So if that’s you, the cool thing is if that’s you and you know that about yourself, you can use your words and tell other people like, hey, I’m doing this learning and I know some people really love to be celebrated, but I actually don’t. And so it would be better for me if you didn’t actually comment on it. I need to be self-involved in this process and I know what works for me and what doesn’t, and being seen or celebrated is not going to feel good. So please don’t do that, right?
And this is a consent issue. This is a you getting to design the experience you want to have issue. Not that other people are always going to do what we ask. But when we ask, I think there’s a much higher chance of us getting what we want, especially if we do have this kind of allergic thing to something that generally culturally is seen as beneficial or innocuous. Then it can be especially useful.
The same way when I go to someone’s house for dinner, I say like, hey, I can’t eat almonds. I can’t eat bell peppers. And if there’s dairy in stuff, I need you to let me know so that I can decide if I’m going to take the dairy pill or not. If I don’t say that and if they don’t ask, they may serve me something that would be innocuous or beneficial to many people, but my body may have a different reaction to it. So it is good for me to know where I have those different reactions and to be able to communicate about them.
So that’s the one example, some people don’t want to be perceived in their journey and they’re allowed to have that. You are allowed to have that. Some people want to be perceived neutrally, right? It could be like, hey, I heard that you told me you were going to write five blog posts and I see that you wrote five blog posts. I can see you doing what you said you’d do, right? So that would be a way where we are acknowledging someone’s effort neutrally if they prefer to be acknowledged neutrally versus with a huge celebration.
I tend to be a person who wants to do a huge celebration. And I tend to like to receive huge celebrations. And so something I’ve really had to come to learn is that’s my preference and it’s not everybody’s preference. And for some people, again, they’re kind of allergic to that. They actually dislike that.
Now, as a coach, I think it can be really interesting to dig into if you are allergic to that, why? And the same way that sometimes people have a food allergy that then they end up not having later, like people can outgrow food allergies depending on the kind. There are certain kinds like celiac, I don’t think you can ever outgrow that. But certain ones it’s like I now have allergies I didn’t used to have. And then sometimes people have reactions to food and then years later they don’t have reactions to that same food. I think that can also happen for these other intellectual, emotional, and other metaphorical allergies, right?
So for instance, people socialized with marginalized identities, whether that’s like you’re socialized as a woman or you’re a person of color, or you’re queer or you’re neurodivergent in a world that prioritizes and privileges neurotypical people, you may have kind of an allergic reaction and want to not have an allergic reaction, right? Like it may feel dangerous to be celebrated and you might want to work on that and have it feel yummy to you. But you also don’t have to, right?
It’s kind of like with coaching what I really want to make available for you is that you have all these different options and you get to decide what you want to pursue and you get to decide which things you are like, I don’t really like how this is, I want to work on changing it, and which things you’re like, oh, this isn’t what the culture said it should be, but I actually really like it and I’m going to keep it and embrace what it is.
So what are you allergic to? What do you have emotional or intellectual allergies to and how do you want to handle that? Do you want to try to reverse those allergies? Do you want to try to work through them in coaching so you’re no longer allergic to them? Or do you want to embrace those specific allergies and use your words to help the people in your life understand what feels good to you and what doesn’t. Or is there something else? And maybe it’s some of each for you.
And what I want you to know is that you’re not alone with whatever emotional, intellectual or other metaphorical allergies you discover about yourself. First of all, there’s probably other people who have similar ones. And if not, there’s other people who have other ones and you can gain a lot by being in community and conversation with other people.
Like it can be really interesting for me to meet other people who have similar dietary restrictions because then we can be like, ooh, let’s share recipes that are really delicious but don’t involve the foods that are difficult for our bodies. Like also if there was a way I could stop being reactive to dairy, I would really love that because it’s a lot of effort to always keep up with all the ingredients and communicate it and have that factor in my life.
And if you want to work privately together to kind of discover and navigate your emotional, intellectual and metaphorical allergies, I would be ecstatic to do that with you. I think doing this kind of work and helping people create unique lives, careers, relationships, et cetera, that work for them the way they want them to is one of the most interesting, fascinating, fun and rewarding things that there is.
And if you want to do that work together, you can DM me on Instagram or you can scoot on over to my website and sign up for a consult call so we can spend some time talking about what that might look like and whether we’re a good fit to work together.
That’s what I have for y’all this week. If you enjoyed this podcast or the podcast in general, I would love it if you would follow, rate, and review or tell friends and family and people on the internet about the podcast. I’d love to get it in front of as many people as possible. Thank you so much and have a lovely week. I will talk to you next time.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Satisfied AF. If you are ready to create a wildly delicious life and have way more fun than you ever thought possible, visit www.korilinn.com to see how I can help. See you next week.
The Satisfied AF podcast is the place to learn how to create a life and career that’s wildly delicious. Want a steamier sex life? We’ve got you. Want a more satisfying career? We’ll cover that too. And you can be sure we’ll spend lots of time talking about how to build connected, fun relationships that can handle life’s ups and downs. No matter what goals you’re working on, this show will help you create a one of a kind life that is just right for you. Join me, life and career coach Kori Linn and each week I’ll give you lots of practical tips, tools, and proven strategies to help you create all the satisfaction your heart desires.
Hello, hello, hello. Happy Wednesday. Ah, I’ve been feeling like a human being for a little while again now, a few weeks after recovering from being super sick. And let me just tell you, it’s so nice just to wake up in the morning and be able to breathe through my nose and have energy and get out of bed and take my walks around Midtown Sacramento. I just, I really hate being sick so much. And a lot of y’all can probably relate to that.
And there is this really interesting thing where right after being sick, I’m probably the most grateful for my normal functioning that I ever am. And that’s something that I’m really trying to hold onto this time around. And maybe I try to hold onto that every time around, I don’t know. But this time, I’ve gone back to writing morning pages. They’re kind of abbreviated. When I first did morning pages through The Artist’s Way, she recommended like three pages. I’m probably writing more like six sentences. But you know me, I love a too small to fail habit.
But I’ve been trying to get back into the swing of that, like every morning opening the Notes app on my phone and saying like, I can breathe through my nose. My limbs work. I’m alive. I woke up today. I can see, taste, hear, smell, and experience touch. Like these are all really mundane, normal parts of my daily existence when I’m not sick, but they’re also all incredible and I really value them.
I was talking to a former client right as I was coming off of being super sick a few weeks ago, and she was saying that she had seen some posts probably on Insta or TikTok about like, would you take the trade of you get a billion dollars, but you have to have a mild cold for the rest of your life? And I was like, ew, absolutely not.
And that’s so interesting because, to me, that means I value feeling well more than I value a billion dollars, which is kind of nuts, right? Especially when you consider how centered our culture is on money and having enough money. And don’t get me wrong, money matters. We live in a capitalist culture where we need money to pay our bills. We need money to have access to food and water and have access to housing.
And those are things I have some concerns about because I think access to food and water and air to breathe and housing is a human right, but also we live in a culture where things cost money. So I don’t know what all the answers are to that, but what I thought was so interesting is this thing that some days I wake up for and I’m not grateful for, I actually value more than a billion dollars. And if I can just stay in the space of remembering how much I value this, like how good can that feel? How much pleasure can that bring me?
And that’s kind of what I’m always talking about, right, is like spending time noticing and enjoying what is working. Not to like gratitude should yourself or like judge yourself for not spending more time being grateful, but because those things actually truly matter to you, but sometimes they’re so mundane, they’re so quotidian and part of your normal life that it doesn’t even occur to you that they’re there or to be grateful for them.
The way I heard another teacher talk about this once was like every time the plane touches down, like every time the plane lands in one piece being like, “Oh, the plane landed.” That’s what it’s supposed to do, but we all know it’s not what it always does, right? Especially recently there have been some things with planes.
But so often when our brains are like, “Well, this is what’s supposed to happen,” that idea that this is what’s supposed to happen sucks all the joy and appreciation and deliciousness out of it. And I just don’t think that’s a very fun way to live. So let’s enjoy that deliciousness.
Okay, that’s my mini rant. But today we’re talking about an idea that I’m calling metaphorical allergies or emotional allergies or emotional and intellectual allergies. We’re still working on what we’re calling it, but it’s this idea that we can have physical allergies, right? Like I have a reaction to almonds. And it’s interesting because for a lot of people, almonds can be a very healthy food. Almonds can be nutritious and they can be good for those people.
But for my body, for whatever reason, and honestly, I don’t know what the reason is. I did not grow up with this allergy, it is something that only happened in the last, I don’t know, since Alex and I have been together, so like the last six and a half years. I did an elimination test and when I tried to put almonds back in, I had this reaction to them. And I was thinking about the metaphorical version of this.
So one of the things I talk about on the podcast a lot is noticing and appreciating what’s working, right, which we literally just talked about. But specifically when you say you want to do something and then you do it, I’ve talked before about celebrating that and celebrating that in a really big way. I’ve talked about giving yourself 1,000 points or 10,000 points or 10 million points, even if it’s this “small” action that you’ve taken.
And I’m a really big fan of celebration, but something that I’ve come to understand, both from coaching dozens, if not hundreds of people, and also from being a human with friends in the world, is that for some people they actually have like an emotional or possibly intellectual allergic reaction to that kind of big celebration or big positivity.
So it’s interesting because I have a friend who prefers neutral, factual acknowledgment. Like, I see that you did X. Versus like, wow, you did X, that’s amazing, right? And I think that this is really interesting because I think for a lot of people, the big positivity is maybe just too far away from their headspace of where they’re at. It’s just too big of a stretch. But I also think for other people, it actually makes them feel bad and I don’t really know why. So that’s just something interesting.
But the point of the podcast today and what I want you to think about is like, where does this apply to you? Where do you have emotional or intellectual or any other kind of metaphorical allergies where there is something that is innocuous or could even be like health promoting, right? Like an almond is innocuous or could be health promoting for many people. But for you, it creates a reaction that doesn’t work.
So when I eat almonds, I get itchy in the face. It’s unpleasant. It’s not like an anaphylactic thing. It’s not dangerous as far as I’m aware, but it is unpleasant. And it’s interesting because I have a similar thing when I eat dairy, but I fucking love dairy. So actually someone at a coaching event one time told me about these pills when I was talking about my symptoms just randomly in the back of an Uber to the airport and they can help me eat the thing without having a reaction. I’m not going to get into the science of it, but it’s kind of like Lactaid, but it’s not.
So for me, then it’s like, okay, I have this allergy, I have this reaction. And if I take this supplement, I don’t have the reaction. But I would say that whereas an almond might be health promoting for some people, for me, since I have the reaction and would need to take medication about it, first of all, I’m like, almonds aren’t worth it. I don’t care about almonds that much. I don’t love them.
Whereas dairy is worth it to me. I like dairy a lot, especially some very specific ice creams. And so I’m willing to go out of my way to have these supplements on hand to take them so I can have that experience. But I don’t necessarily think that dairy is health promoting, even the ice cream. I’m choosing that because it brings me pleasure and I like it and I want to have access to that.
I also have the pills because sometimes people tell you there’s no dairy and things in restaurants and then you eat them and then there is, right? So it’s also like that angle. And I know many of y’all out there with dietary restrictions have experienced that where you eat something that is innocuous to many people, but not to you, and the restaurant told you it wasn’t in there and then it is in there. So you’re having that reaction.
So basically this is all a very complex metaphor to think about like, are there places where this happens to you intellectually or emotionally or in another metaphorical way where there’s something that is innocuous or even health promoting for a lot of people, but for you it really doesn’t work? Maybe it really throws you off. And how is that getting in your way, basically, of you creating a delicious, satisfying, yummy life?
And it’s so interesting, y’all, because it could be even like something I teach that I’m like, this is so important and helpful to achieving your goals. That could be true for many people. And then for you, you could be allergic to it. So it’s kind of like, I don’t know if you remember, if you’ve been with the podcast for a while, you probably have listened to the episode on when to quit your job. And the short answer of that is whenever you want, for whatever reason you want, because you are the authority of your life.
And I wanted this idea of emotional allergies or intellectual allergies or whatever other kind of metaphorical allergies to be something we could talk about so that you can think through other things where you’re like, oh, the experts all say I should do X, but every time I try to do X, I feel really yucky. Or these people keep saying I should do Y. But whenever I do Y, it seems to backfire.
And this is where getting to know yourself is one of the most essential pieces of having a deeply delicious life. Because I, and other experts, can understand best practices. We can understand what works generally, and it might not be true for you. And that’s okay. That doesn’t mean the experts are wrong. It doesn’t mean you are wrong. It does mean that sometimes when ideas and individuals come together, it doesn’t go the way it normally does.
And I think this is really helpful to know too, for even actual allergies or things like the medical industry or things that they do studies on, right? Because there could be a study about, well, this is a thing you can do that can help you feel good and help you have whatever results that many people want. And you might try it and it might not fucking work for you.
And it’s also a question of like, who were they studying when they did this study, right? Like were they studying women? Were they studying people of color? Were they studying neurodiverse people? Or were they studying like a bunch of people from the most dominant cultural group in our country?
So what I love about this, what my greatest hope is, is that this is going to give you more freedom and it’s going to give you more self-kindness and self-understanding and it’s going to give you more options about how you particularly can create a wildly delicious life.
So to circle back to the celebration thing, something I’ve noticed is that for some people, being seen in their process actually doesn’t feel good. They don’t want to be seen trying, right? And there’s actually a podcast episode on that too. That can feel very uncomfortable for people. And so I actually know people who want their learning process to be that they go do the learning and they have the momentum to carry themselves forward. But if a person notices what they’re doing and comments on it, even neutrally or joyfully, it may feel uncomfortable enough to them, they may have that kind of allergic reaction and it may interrupt their flow.
So if that’s you, the cool thing is if that’s you and you know that about yourself, you can use your words and tell other people like, hey, I’m doing this learning and I know some people really love to be celebrated, but I actually don’t. And so it would be better for me if you didn’t actually comment on it. I need to be self-involved in this process and I know what works for me and what doesn’t, and being seen or celebrated is not going to feel good. So please don’t do that, right?
And this is a consent issue. This is a you getting to design the experience you want to have issue. Not that other people are always going to do what we ask. But when we ask, I think there’s a much higher chance of us getting what we want, especially if we do have this kind of allergic thing to something that generally culturally is seen as beneficial or innocuous. Then it can be especially useful.
The same way when I go to someone’s house for dinner, I say like, hey, I can’t eat almonds. I can’t eat bell peppers. And if there’s dairy in stuff, I need you to let me know so that I can decide if I’m going to take the dairy pill or not. If I don’t say that and if they don’t ask, they may serve me something that would be innocuous or beneficial to many people, but my body may have a different reaction to it. So it is good for me to know where I have those different reactions and to be able to communicate about them.
So that’s the one example, some people don’t want to be perceived in their journey and they’re allowed to have that. You are allowed to have that. Some people want to be perceived neutrally, right? It could be like, hey, I heard that you told me you were going to write five blog posts and I see that you wrote five blog posts. I can see you doing what you said you’d do, right? So that would be a way where we are acknowledging someone’s effort neutrally if they prefer to be acknowledged neutrally versus with a huge celebration.
I tend to be a person who wants to do a huge celebration. And I tend to like to receive huge celebrations. And so something I’ve really had to come to learn is that’s my preference and it’s not everybody’s preference. And for some people, again, they’re kind of allergic to that. They actually dislike that.
Now, as a coach, I think it can be really interesting to dig into if you are allergic to that, why? And the same way that sometimes people have a food allergy that then they end up not having later, like people can outgrow food allergies depending on the kind. There are certain kinds like celiac, I don’t think you can ever outgrow that. But certain ones it’s like I now have allergies I didn’t used to have. And then sometimes people have reactions to food and then years later they don’t have reactions to that same food. I think that can also happen for these other intellectual, emotional, and other metaphorical allergies, right?
So for instance, people socialized with marginalized identities, whether that’s like you’re socialized as a woman or you’re a person of color, or you’re queer or you’re neurodivergent in a world that prioritizes and privileges neurotypical people, you may have kind of an allergic reaction and want to not have an allergic reaction, right? Like it may feel dangerous to be celebrated and you might want to work on that and have it feel yummy to you. But you also don’t have to, right?
It’s kind of like with coaching what I really want to make available for you is that you have all these different options and you get to decide what you want to pursue and you get to decide which things you are like, I don’t really like how this is, I want to work on changing it, and which things you’re like, oh, this isn’t what the culture said it should be, but I actually really like it and I’m going to keep it and embrace what it is.
So what are you allergic to? What do you have emotional or intellectual allergies to and how do you want to handle that? Do you want to try to reverse those allergies? Do you want to try to work through them in coaching so you’re no longer allergic to them? Or do you want to embrace those specific allergies and use your words to help the people in your life understand what feels good to you and what doesn’t. Or is there something else? And maybe it’s some of each for you.
And what I want you to know is that you’re not alone with whatever emotional, intellectual or other metaphorical allergies you discover about yourself. First of all, there’s probably other people who have similar ones. And if not, there’s other people who have other ones and you can gain a lot by being in community and conversation with other people.
Like it can be really interesting for me to meet other people who have similar dietary restrictions because then we can be like, ooh, let’s share recipes that are really delicious but don’t involve the foods that are difficult for our bodies. Like also if there was a way I could stop being reactive to dairy, I would really love that because it’s a lot of effort to always keep up with all the ingredients and communicate it and have that factor in my life.
And if you want to work privately together to kind of discover and navigate your emotional, intellectual and metaphorical allergies, I would be ecstatic to do that with you. I think doing this kind of work and helping people create unique lives, careers, relationships, et cetera, that work for them the way they want them to is one of the most interesting, fascinating, fun and rewarding things that there is.
And if you want to do that work together, you can DM me on Instagram or you can scoot on over to my website and sign up for a consult call so we can spend some time talking about what that might look like and whether we’re a good fit to work together.
That’s what I have for y’all this week. If you enjoyed this podcast or the podcast in general, I would love it if you would follow, rate, and review or tell friends and family and people on the internet about the podcast. I’d love to get it in front of as many people as possible. Thank you so much and have a lovely week. I will talk to you next time.
Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Satisfied AF. If you are ready to create a wildly delicious life and have way more fun than you ever thought possible, visit www.korilinn.com to see how I can help. See you next week.
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173. Privileged and Marginalized Identities
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